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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have had this argument with a woman in Weatherspoons today?

554 replies

OnEdge · 11/01/2011 19:32

I tok my 18 week and 18 month old into Weatherspoons this morning. The lift was out of order so I ended up leaving the baby in the buggy, unstrapping my son and taking him a level (4 steps) to the bar to order my coffee. I took my son because had I left him strapped in the buggy he would have started arching his back and becoming agitated. The buggy was only about 12 feet away from where I was standing at the bar. My boy was toddling about, within a few feet of me while I waited to be served. A lady bought a coffee and was walking past me to her table with it, I saw my son walk round a large pillar and could possibley walk into her path. I warned the lady and said "oooh ! careful" and pointed my son. She walked past him and said loudly "He shouldn't be walking about !"

So I followed her to her seat and asked her why my son should not walk about.

Her "Its not me that says it, its this place."

Me "But YOU said it, what do you expect me to do with him when I place my order ?"

Her "Can't you strap him in a buggy?"

Me "No I will not strap my child down for your convenience>"

Her "I didn't want to step on him"

Me "All you had to do was look where you were going, I warned you he was there."

and then it carried on for another 2 minutes.

So, was I BU ????

I'm gonna get slaughtered, but I am intrigued as to whether or not you think I was out of order.

OP posts:
InWithTheITCrowd · 11/01/2011 20:06

more than one DC, not one than one!

activate · 11/01/2011 20:07

YABU

Imarriedafrog · 11/01/2011 20:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
OnEdge · 11/01/2011 20:07

i wunt let him climb on anyone Grin

OP posts:
SlackSally · 11/01/2011 20:07

Of course you're being totally unreasonable.

You're now trying to backtrack and claim it was about the way she said it.

Quite frankly, you lost that argument when you told another adult to watch out (presumably one much older than you) because your son wasn't being supervised.

chaya5738 · 11/01/2011 20:08

I don't have a problem with a 18 month old wandering around but I think it is your responsibility to make sure that noone trip over him. By saying "watch out" to the lady you are making it her responsibility.

I let my 18 month old stretch her legs in cafes and pubs but only if I am in close proximity and I see it as my responsibility to keep her out of the way of people not the other way around. Especially where there are hot drinks involved.

I reckon he should have been strapped in the buggy while you ordered. And following her to the table was OTT.

Sorry, YABU.

Original poster
OnEdge · 11/01/2011 20:08

im not back tracking, i said it dead nice.

I AM fucking nice !!!! Grin

OP posts:
StewieGriffinsMom · 11/01/2011 20:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

susiedaisy · 11/01/2011 20:10

i always tried to address the warning to my DC, ie "watch out tommy there is a lady with a hot drink coming stand still please", it always went down better than telling the adult to watch out for my DC that was let loose in a pub, even if it went above my DC head, in the past i have been out with hubby +2 kids for sunday lunch in a pub that wasnt necessarily a family pub and had a couple move away from us because they dint want us near them, so it works both ways.

Mumcentreplus · 11/01/2011 20:10

Nope Weather's has reasonable prices and a good cheap brekkie if thats what you like...I have an issue with you allowing your child to roam free when he would have been safer in his buggy...so what if he whinges?..he's out of danger..

SudalivefromHMP · 11/01/2011 20:10

I think you should have shouted to your little boy to be careful or stay still while the lady goes past or whatever. That would have alerted her without causing offence. At the end of the day you were criticising her behaviour ( saying 'be careful' is critical and implies the person is not already being so IMO }. I would have been affronted by such an 'order' aswell I'm afraid. You were telling her to be careful but you are the one who had an 18 month old roaming well below eye level in a place where people carry scalding drinks around. She was merely carrying scalding drinks around in a place where people....

Confused
susiedaisy · 11/01/2011 20:10

i always tried to address the warning to my DC, ie "watch out tommy there is a lady with a hot drink coming stand still please", it always went down better than telling the adult to watch out for my DC that was let loose in a pub, even if it went above my DC head, in the past i have been out with hubby +2 kids for sunday lunch in a pub that wasnt necessarily a family pub and had a couple move away from us because they dint want us near them, so it works both ways.

susiedaisy · 11/01/2011 20:10

oops!

Mumcentreplus · 11/01/2011 20:11

Nope Weather's has reasonable prices and a good cheap brekkie if thats what you like...I have an issue with you allowing your child to roam free when he would have been safer in his buggy...so what if he whinges?..he's out of danger..

thisisyesterday · 11/01/2011 20:11

well said littlemisshissyfit

GreenEyesandHam · 11/01/2011 20:11

LOL. Would you let your toddler wander freely near a road?

You were unreasonable, and tbh if someone had followed me to a table saying ^^^that, they'd have got right gobful.

Not that I'd be in Wetherspoons anyway, but yours might be different lol

Catsmamma · 11/01/2011 20:11

so he won't wait in his buggy or come back to you or wait

there's some skills to be practising instead of letting him run free like an animal

you would have cried havoc if he'd got coffee tipped on him

and not that far from the steps either, nice possible bump on the head there

I have taken all three of mine more or less everywhere, they have been taught how to behave, and running free is not appropriate in a pub.

yabu

thisisyesterday · 11/01/2011 20:13

and i think the lady was right actually.. he shouldn't have been wandering around

he has no sense of danger, being a small toddler, and he was at very real risk of someone not seeing him and dropping a hot drink on him

he is YOUR responsibility... not anyone else's and until you realise that I think you'll find you have very stressful cafe visits to be honest!

your child doesn't have the right to roam wherever he likes, unattended while you order coffee Hmm
and I say this as someone who goes out for coffee a LOT with 2 toddlers Grin

mutznutz · 11/01/2011 20:14

I think the smile would have wound me up more to be honest. If it had been a really quick and worried blurt out "Oh careful!" cos you realised how irresponsible you had been...followed up with an immediate apology that might have been ok.

But to smile sweetly and tell her to be careful really makes it sound as though you don't think you should have been looking after your toddler...but that somehow she should have been the careful one Confused

mamatomany · 11/01/2011 20:14

Has anyone asked what you were doing in a Weatherspoons yet ? I worked in one as a student, no way would my children ever step foot in one it was like a freak show every lunchtime, fights, drunks, flasher and that was just the staff :(

SauvignonBlanche · 11/01/2011 20:16

YABU, how about mutual respect? Hmm

ChippingIn · 11/01/2011 20:16

OnEdge - are you being deliberately obtuse? Can you not see how 'oooh careful' implies that she is in the wrong?

He is your child. Look after him, teach him to come to you when you call him, hold his hand, leave him in the buggy - whatever, but don't make him someone else's responsibility.

Yes he can roam free/wander about - but not in a cafe where there are hot drinks - not unless you are happy to take full responsibility for it if/when he gets scalded.

If you aren't prepared to be told YABU and take that on board - post on chat.

SarahStrattonsBaubles · 11/01/2011 20:17

YABU I bloody hate toddlers running around in cafes. I'm pathologically clumsy and I'm always terrified I will spill hot coffee on them. Your child, your responsibility. Either hold on to him, strap him in or wait until you get home for your coffee if you can't manage either.

LadyBiscuit · 11/01/2011 20:19

Susie is right - it's your responsibility to ensure that your DS doesn't get in her way, rather than the other way round. It's a pub FFS

Nanny0gg · 11/01/2011 20:20

This was a pub and not a playground, right?

As others have said, you should have held his hand or carried him until you took him to your table.
Why on earth should adults, in a pub, so a grown-up environment, have to dodge around toddlers whilst probably carrying hot drinks and food,

YABU, but you don't think so going by your arguments. You seem to be one of those mums who thinks their kids can do whatever they like without any control.

And then to follow the poor woman back to her table...beggars belief!

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