..to NOT want my student son to have a part time job?

[PrincessRollo]

My husband supports me and my DS from a previous marriage. DS is in his second year of a Chemical Engineering Degree and lives away from home in a shared student flat. We own our own business, and are in a position to be able to support DS through his five year course. I met OH when DS was seven and to my utter disappointment and heartache, they have never had a particularly close relationship (to the point of causing many arguments in our marriage. I never thought it would be 'The Waltons', for one thing not enough kids...but I didn't expect them to be at such opposite ends of the spectrum. OH is a worker, DS is an academic.) However, OH has no problem supporting DS through Uni; we pay his rent and food bills. Up until last month DS had a part time job in Pizza Hut which paid his social life, extras etc. He has now given up this job, citing too much study, and promises to try to get a placement during the summer (not guaranteed.) Chem Eng is a HARD degree, and I do not want DS studies to suffer due to having to work part time. OH disagrees and says there is nothing stopping him getting another job in Asda etc. DS is not asking for more money from us - I don't know how he will cope but I guess he will buy cigs instead of food. This is causing real strain and DS and OH are now not speaking until DS gets another job.

Piggy in the middle asking for some advice.

Thanks

Sorry, forgot another thing...for which I may be roasted, but hey ho:

My father left school at 15 and made it his personal mission in life to give me the very best education he could...so that I didn't have to bust arse like he did growing up. I could just "saunter" into a white-collar job. Maybe say to your husband that he shouldn't be so strict on this point because he should look at it as a similar thing?

Also, I get the vibe that your husband is jealous?

Montysorry - let me be the first to flame: How rude and uncalled for.

Everyone saying he needs to work inorder to learn about life etc-the OP has said he has already had jobs. Surely if he feels he can't do the job and his degree he is being very mature in handing in his notice. He hasn't asked for more money, the OP just doesn't want him to struggle.

OP just give him some more money or as someone else suggested send him food parcels each week.

Spenguin, (q?) that's all very well to say that, because your parents supported you financially but there's a huge group og young people who don't have the luxury of just concentrating on their studies. Many of them too want to apply to the top law firms in the country.

Spenguin, my DS is on track to get a first together with the invaluable work experience.

No point in having anything less these days. Its only irrelevant if you don't have it.

I did a demanding degree at a top uni, and felt at the time that a part time job would have been too much and would have affected my grades, particularly at exam time and through the final year.

However I did work FT every summer holiday, and sometimes easter and christmas too. Perhaps this would be a good solution?

Otherwise, as your son is not asking for more money, I dont think there is a problem(?).

If he's getting £800pa from SAAS, plus you are paying his rent/bills/food then I don't see why he needs any extra. Certainly not 4 nights a week of extra income, maybe he was hasty in quitting and should have reduced his hours instead.

I studied accountancy at a major scottish uni, got minimum loan from SAAS, £400pm from parents until yr 3 when their financial situation changed dramatically- and survived... I did maintain a part-time job but this was limited to one weekend day in my final year plus some overtime when I could squeeze it in. It can be done, if he needs extra money then he either earns it or gives up the fags. I think you and your DH are being generous enough.

HTH

Nope, no arts degrees here>

Posted too soon, meant to add,
...That's not a criticism of you just that circumstances don't always allow for the ideal of 'just concentrating on a 1st'.

Oh and I know the other comment was rude. It wasn't meant as a personal attack but it's the first thing I thought when I read the OP.

I expect a lot posters on this thread have experience of art degrees with one or two lectures and tutorials a week and a lot more discretion on how their time is allocated

no, MDS, you are wrong about that, have you read all the posts ?

Montysorry - I don't see the grey area? It seems this OP could give extra support so the point about some people not being able to have the luxury etc is irrelevant here.

That's great that they want to apply to top law firms, but...hello social evolution! Just the way the cookie crumbles. Yes, it's not fair blah blah blah, but neither is life, evidently.

Or have I got the wrong end of your stick? [genuine q]

If he doesn't want to work, give up his luxuries or spend food money on fags then I think that's fine. It sounds like his priority is his degree which is how it should be. No-one wants to repeat modules/years. If he were my son I would let things run and see how he gets on. He may find a job after exams. I know a good work ethic is important but it doesn't sound like your ds is a lazy free-loader. I can imagine my dh taking the view of your dh though - 'self made man with no degree; university of life' . BTW I'm a 3rd year uni student so dh watches himself these days .

I should add, it was a dramatic change for the worse. They could no longer support me and I funded the majority of the final 2 years via a £3k student overdraft and a £1k credit card to replace the money I had been getting from parents. I also worked full time during summer.

nastiness, OP ?

nah

why did you pick my posts out, btw ? I am not alone in my thoughts on this thread...

Gone South - the point I was trying to make is that, in comparison, I had no work experience and it didn't disadvantage me. Had someone had no work experience and a Third, well, that's different story!

MontySorry - ahh, ok, get you now. Read too soon.

Hell, you don't need to convince me of the fairness of it all! That's why we're paying 3 sets of school fees! Their education is a million miles away from the kids I taught in Bradford and Rochdale.

There is absolutely no fairness in our education system. But working through uni definitely made my life far harder than those of my friends whose parents paid their rent!

Lols Montysorry - I remember a similar phrase when I was still at school, except it was 'School fees have come through the post! Need to sell something if you 4 want to be literate!'

FranSanDisco:
There is the rub....trying to explain a whole life time in one sorry post on Mumsnet. DS is not a free loader, no matter how guilty and umbilically burdened I appear to be.
OH is however totally blind when it comes to academics, uni etc..I tried to say this earlier but was shot down for my explanation of work vs academia.
I love my husband dearly, and he is a good man - but he is of a generation that does not understand anything other than sending children up chimmneys from an early age!

Uni? Bah humbug. Get a job

Well the problem wouldn't exist if the mother earned money and supported her own son . Women should not give up economic power to men like this. It just leads to problems long term.

'Anyfucker...you started it with your nastiness in previous posts...why?

Xenia - fuck off.'

Because telling people to fuck off isn't nasty or aggro.