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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Women who smoke when pregnant are selfish, irresponsible fuckwits

455 replies

MsKLo · 08/01/2011 00:13

...and so are parents who smoke around their babies/children. I see soooooo many parents pushing prams and smoking or driving and smoking with babies in their car seats etc.

And the number of times I have seen pregnant women having a fag...

Selfish, irresponsible fuckwits

And for the record, I am an ex smoker. I LOVED smoking but stopped before I starte trying for a baby as it was, and is not, fair to inflict my selfish habit on my babies.

OP posts:
UntitledNo2 · 10/01/2011 02:39

ChippingIn and giveitago, thanks so much for your lovely supportive posts. We shall keep trying, and have both now kicked the smoking habit (hopefully for good!). I absolutely should stay away from threads like this - am completely my own worst enemy at times. I beat myself up enough over what has happened, without needing people like Leonie to do it for me.
My miscarriages were undoubtedly the most difficult, painful experiences I have ever endured, but I take solace in the fact that I have lots of amazing nieces and nephews (well, DP's nieces and nephews, but I consider them to be mine also, and they all call me 'Auntie Untitled'). They brighten up my life every day Smile

MsKlo - thank you for acknowledging my post, and your kind words. FWIW, I do in theory agree with your sentiment, but perhaps you can now see that you worded your post in a rather inflammatory way. And that whilst there is no-one here at all who would condone smoking during pregnancy, it is more difficult for some to quit than others. Do you perhaps now agree that support is the way to deal with the issue, as this is much more likely to help expectant mothers quit smoking than simply telling them that they are wrong and selfish? Surely if you feel so strongly about the issue, you will be willing to provide/condone this support (even if it goes against your innate feelings on the matter), as the most important thing is to help pregnant women kick the habit, thus benefiting their children.

NestaFiesta,

'The Visitor- you can't say you're more addicted than the next person and that's why you found it harder. '

Well sorry, but that is just not true. I have actually always found it pretty easy to quit - before my first pregnancy, I was easily able to reduce my smoking to only when I was having a drink (once or twice a week tops) and had no problem quitting the second I found out I was pregnant (although the stress of miscarrying had me straight back on them, I coped the only way I knew how). However, that was my experience, not everyone has the same experience. My Mum, for example, finds quitting incredibly hard - she tries, every week, really wants to, but it literally makes her almost psychotic. She can't eat, sleep, and alternates between sobbing and blind rage. It's very easy for some people to give up, and extremely difficult for others - but the one thing that doesn't help is judgement and condemnation.

MsKLo · 10/01/2011 05:46

Untitled
I really really hope you find some answers - I wish you all, all, all the luck in the world x

Has your mum had help as her addiction sounds very deep seated?

Ok, my post was strongly worded but I find it hard to have any tolerance for smoking in preg... I can actually be very sympathetic about things! Support is key yes, but I still feel women need to take more responsibility and do whatever they need to do to stop!

I am not perfect and never said I was - far from it, I need to be a better person in a lot of ways but I am really glad I don't smoke now as I would feel like I am doing a great disservice to my children

Best of luck, I really mean that x

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 11/01/2011 01:44

Untitled2 - I'm pleased you and DH are still hoping to have a baby :) I really hope you are successful and in the mean time can enjoy the 'practice' and life in general, too many good relationships and lovely people get 'broken' in your (unfair) situation. I'm full of stories about successful babies after long periods of trying - but I wont inflict them on you Grin I think you do need to either try a little self preservation and stay off threads like this OR shout and rave a bit and use them as therapy!! I have (or rather had :( ) 7 Aunts/Uncles who are 'married intos' and I am just as close to them and consider them just as much my Aunt/Uncle as the Aunt/Uncle they married - no difference at all - so yes they are your DN's x

ChippingIn · 11/01/2011 01:45

CITP Keep her out - she's my favourite Grin

UntitledNo2 · 13/01/2011 06:33

ChippingIn - thanks. We are still trying... Kind of. Several years of trying has floored us. Likewise, MsKLo, we have a thread in MC. Sorry, didn't want to not respond to both of your posts, but feel that this is alien to me, so I have a thread in MC. It's so painful - need I explain why?

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