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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think I have been, re DH and DS1's birthday party

175 replies

Ormirian · 07/01/2011 13:41

DS1 was 14 on Tuesday. We are taking some friends to play laser tag on Sunday and the home for food and cake. Didn't want to do it on Saturday as DD has a riding lesson and it would mean rushing around like a mad thing to fit it all in. Could have done it Sunday afternoon but then it would run into Sunday evening chores (baths, packed lunches, inevitable last minute hw Hmm). So I booked it on Sunday morning and told DH today.

Problem is DH plays footie on Sunday am and there has only been one match for about a month. But there has hardly been a day over Christmas when Dh hasn't been out in the evenings for an hour or so, and has watched matches in the pub or at a friends' house. He managed to avoid a few family visits that way. All of which is fine in moderation but I think he took the piss personally this time.

I could change it to Sunday afternoon but as it would just increase the stress factor for me I don't want to. And I suspect I am trying to give him a subtle slap on the wrist - which isn't really like me.

DH didn't complain but looked a bit sorry for himself. So AIBU and selfish?

OP posts:
bupcakesandcunting · 07/01/2011 13:43

I don't think YABU at all.

nemofish · 07/01/2011 13:45

YADNBU Orm.

Stick it to The Manshape. Grin

scurryfunge · 07/01/2011 13:46

If you didn't discuss the reasons for booking it on the morning then perhaps a tad unreasonable. Otherwise not. He sounds like my DH where weekends are for his relaxation and enjoyment only Smile.

charliesmommy · 07/01/2011 13:46

Does he need to go with you?

ChessyEvans · 07/01/2011 13:47

Well... maybe a teeny bit. Only because you don't really seem to have anything on Sunday afternoon, depending on what time you get finished with them all that would seem the reasonable time to have it.

Perhaps you could say to DH that you've been thinking about it and if he still wants to go to football on Sunday morning then you can change it to Sunday afternoon as long as he will help you get Sunday evening chores done in double quick time?

Appreciate what you're saying about the Christmas break though so I suppose it depends how much you want him to know you're annoyed about that (and if he'll link the 2!). I try not to go in for tit for tat though (easier said than done!).

JamieLeeCurtis · 07/01/2011 13:48

no, tough titties, I'd say. If he has not put the family before himself recently, then he should now.

Original poster
Ormirian · 07/01/2011 13:49

No charlie, he doesn't. But if he's off playing footie I will have to take DS2 as well and I can't get all of us in our 7-seater! As it is two of the lads will have to get themselves there. And then someone else is going to be 'volunteered' to get some of them back to our place. Added to which keeping DS2 happy in a field in the middle of nowhere when he is too young to join in isn't going to be much fun Hmm

OP posts:
charliesmommy · 07/01/2011 13:53

I would say watching matches on tv, and playing as part of a team are two different things though.

Sunday afternoon would appear to have been the better option I think.

JamieLeeCurtis · 07/01/2011 13:57

It's hard for me to be objective about this, because I find it staggering how many (mainly) men get to get out of things because of their love of football

cluelessnchaos · 07/01/2011 13:57

I would have probably done the same but I think YABU. If he has annoyed you you should tell him and not try and give him a subtle slap on the wrist, my dh diesnt do subtle.

prettyfly1 · 07/01/2011 13:58

uuurrrrghhh - no YANBU. You are considerably nicer then me and as your ds only turns 14 once and your oh plays every week I think he should suck it up.

JamieLeeCurtis · 07/01/2011 13:58

... yes probably true that it's better to be direct.

PrettyCandles · 07/01/2011 14:00

Hang on, weekends are for Ormirian, too!

So MrOrmirian gets to play all the time, but Ormirian either has to run their ds's birthday party by herself so that MrO can play some more, or sacrifice what little weekend she has left?

It's not even as though the birthday party is a regular clash with the footie.

Yes, perhaps you could have duscussed the scheduling first, but, unless he's going to miss playing in an important match, I don't see why he shouldn't accept your reasoning.

bupcakesandcunting · 07/01/2011 14:01

"It's hard for me to be objective about this, because I find it staggering how many (mainly) men get to get out of things because of their love of football"

It rattles my cage right up. My mum used to be like it with my stepfather. "Oooooooh, he couldn't possibly assist in anything or talk to anyone whilst he is so absorbed in the match." Hmm I will see what DH has to say when I don't want to help with DS's next party because I want to spend the afternoon shopping.

AlistairSim · 07/01/2011 14:02

YANBU.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 07/01/2011 14:03

YANBU.

DC's birthdays trump a football match.

I would be sending DH to do the lasering though and staying at home myself Grin

JamieLeeCurtis · 07/01/2011 14:07

yes, actually, me too Alibaa

JamieLeeCurtis · 07/01/2011 14:08

bupcake - yes, my dad, and to a lesser extent, my brother. Things revolve around it too much.

bupcakesandcunting · 07/01/2011 14:24

I can't stand it, this old-fashioned, outdated attitude that the men must not be disturbed if they are doing something football related. RL doesn't stop for a hobby, IMO.

Original poster
Ormirian · 07/01/2011 14:46

bupcakes! Football! A hobby?! You blasphemer Shock Wash your mouth out with soap this instant!

I don't care if he chooses to watch football or fish or play darts, or whatever neanderthal Wink passtime he desires. I like people in my family to be happy incl him. And I can cope without being in his shining orbit for a few hours. But it just happens that the unspoken rule of not taking the piss seems to have been broken somewhat recently. And I got a bit fed up having to explain on two occasions to family members why Dh didn't turn up Hmm They know him and understand but it still feels a bit ridiculous to me who was brought up in a household where the only sport of any interest at all was the boat race and occasional cricket and grand prix.

And it has clearly riled me more than I thought...

I would love to do the laser tag with the children. But DS2 can't so I would have to wait with him while he looks on longingly Sad

OP posts:
Hullygully · 07/01/2011 14:50

No not being U. Birthdays trump other things so he has to do the necessary.

Football is shit anyway.

JamieLeeCurtis · 07/01/2011 14:50

I like that, Orm. I think I shall have a T shirt emblazoned with the phrase : "You seem to have broken the unspoken rule of not taking the piss"

Hullygully · 07/01/2011 14:51

My t-shirt would have to say "Oh no, I didn't"

JamieLeeCurtis · 07/01/2011 14:51
JamieLeeCurtis · 07/01/2011 14:53

Football is shit, IMVHO. And having football-lovers in my family has ensured that I have come to this opinion.

Luckily DH only likes sports we are good at. Like cricket

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