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young, close relative has become an "escort" WWYD?

882 replies

notreallymehere · 06/01/2011 16:22

20 something low closeish relative has become an escort. She has been thinking about it for a while, tried it in London, stopped but now has gone back to it in her home town. She is with what appears to be reputable agency and seems to be making quite a lot of money. Lots of reviews now appearing on her webpage etc. She appears fully happy with her choice - she had a job before (working in a coffee bar) but says that the money is better with this (she has previously worked as a lap dancer). My question is what do I tell my friends/acquaintances if they ask about her. I've discussed this with some people when she first started in London and the reaction was very aggressive "well you should have stopped her" etc etc. (hence name change) Fact is that she is an adult and this is her choice and I cannot see how I can stop her - she is making a far bit of money at this and is very financially motivated. However she is part of the family and it is difficult to avoid the questions but many people are very judgemental (of me for somehow "allowing" this to happen).

OP posts:
OldLadyKnowsNothing · 06/01/2011 22:35

"If a woman liked having sex with lots of strangers she wouldn't need paying for it."

But why not make money out of a fun hobby? Especially given that it's economically empowering.

JessinAvalon · 06/01/2011 22:37

Has anyone on here heard of Stockholm Syndrome? Of course we defend the choices we make at the time. When I was in an abusive relationship with a man, I would go on about how happy I was and how much I loved him. Now that I'm out of it, I realise how I had had to tell myself this in order to survive the experience. I wasn't happy at all.

Many ex-lap dancers and ex-prostitutes have come forward to say the same thing, and the blog that I've posted a link to above has an entry on this subject.

^Another red herring is the old one ? put prostitution indoors and regulate it, then everything will be fine and dandy.

No it won?t ? it will just out of your sight, so then you can breathe easy and not think about it.

In what universe are most women and girls safer indoors ? doesn?t battering get named as domestic violence coz it is indoors, isn?t date rape mainly indoors, isn?t the vast majority of child abuse indoors.

So why would prostituted women and girls be so damned safe indoors.

Especially, when many of the bastards that pay for the privilege of indoors prostitution are wanting total privacy, want more time with the prostitute, feel the entitlement to own her body, mind and soul ? tell how the hell that is so safe or even can be made safer.

I tell you true terror is being shut in a small room with streams of men who have the right to use you in any porn fashion they can dream of.

True terror is having some rich man buy you. to keep you for several days, months as his sexual slave.

True terror is being inside a club or brothel, being raped, being used as a porn-toy ? and knowing no-one cares about your injuries, that you get STDs, your crying for even a tiny piece of help ? all that matter is that you made into a machine to be fucked and to get money from.

So what?s so great about indoors prostitution for the prostituted ? I can see it is fabulous for johns and profiteers - but don?t make me laugh, by lying that it will ever be made safe.^

dittany · 06/01/2011 22:37

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dittany · 06/01/2011 22:39

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OldLadyKnowsNothing · 06/01/2011 22:39

That's you, dittany, not every woman.

scurryfunge · 06/01/2011 22:40

That is the point, OLKN. It is not empowering. It is an excuse for those who do it and a justification.

Putting a cock in your mouth for money is not a hobby you would find instructions for at Hobbycraft.

JessinAvalon · 06/01/2011 22:40

I tried to italicise the above but it hasn't worked. It is an excerpt from the blog.

JessinAvalon · 06/01/2011 22:43

On being an escort:

rmott62.wordpress.com/2010/08/31/dont-call-this-trendy/

dittany · 06/01/2011 22:43

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OldLadyKnowsNothing · 06/01/2011 22:43

Dittany, I have not at any point on this thread claimed that I am a "rabid nympho" so I really can't speak for them. But it is plain to me (and you've accepted yourself) that some women do enjoy sex with strangers, so why is it so hard for you to go the next step, and accept that some of them choose to cash in on it?

Why is it so important to you that every sex worker is "prostituted", and that they all have such a miserable time?

You still haven't said how you know "happy hookers" are a tiny minority, compared to the great sea of misery out there?

DooinMeCleanin · 06/01/2011 22:44

'So why would prostituted women and girls be so damned safe indoors.' Security guards on the premises, cameras watching and recording who is coming and going. panic buttons in the rooms and credit card details being taken as a safeguard, would make them safer I'd imagine.

No-one is denying that there is abuse in the industry. But there are also women, who are in it for the money because they want to be and do not feel abused.

I am an ex lap dancer. I don't feel I was abused. The club I worked in was very well managed and the girls were looked after well.

scurryfunge · 06/01/2011 22:45

Just because you do not feel abused or exploited, it doesn't mean you aren't.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 06/01/2011 22:45

scurryfunge, poverty is disempowering, yes? A well-paid job empowers, yes? I mean, all that inequality is because men earn more than women. So why, when a woman earns decent money in a job she enjoys, is that "disempowering"? Is it because of the way she earned the money?

huddspur · 06/01/2011 22:47

Provided they are not being forced into it then women are well within their rights to work as prostitutes if they so wish.

dittany · 06/01/2011 22:48

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AnyFucker · 06/01/2011 22:48

Is it because of the way she earned the money?

yes, good summary, OLKN

scurryfunge · 06/01/2011 22:48

Yes, it is the way she earns the money. It is playing by men's rules to further empower them and some women are just complicit in their own exploitation.

JessinAvalon · 06/01/2011 22:52

Dooinmecleanin - the thread is about prostitution and the escort business, not about lap dancing. However, I had read enough about lapdancing to have serious concerns about that industry too.

It does amaze me that so many people buy the happy hooker myth. Go and drive around your own city in the evening. How many freezing cold girls will you see standing by the side of the road in a miniskirt and high heels hoping that some bloke will come along and shag her for 20 quid? There are quite a few in my city and whenever I see them I don't think, there's an empowered woman, I think - poor girl, she must be desperate.

How about that poor girl that I helped out that time, with the skin ripped off her hand?

How about the 5 women portrayed in "Five Daughters" recently? All drug addicts, all trying to stop being drug addicts and prostitutes. I didn't think that any of them were empowered - quite the opposite.

The blog I have posted a link to is very painful reading from someone who was forced into prostitution at a young age and who is now emotionally and physically traumatised from her experiences.

I accept that there may well be a handful of women who enjoy sleeping with a bunch of sweaty, drunk men with bad breath and social problems on a regular basis for a bit of cash but they will be in the minority otherwise we'd all be doing it.

I think I'd better stay away from this thread now! I do think that it's much easier for people to pretend that it's all happy and nice when the reality is anything but.

dittany · 06/01/2011 22:53

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JessinAvalon · 06/01/2011 22:54

OLKK - let's hope nobody does rip this girl's hand to bits but when you're shut in a room with a man who thinks he owns your body for half an hour, who is going to guarantee her safety?

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 06/01/2011 22:55

No, but I bet most of them would willingly hire out their penis @ £100 an hour. Many men dream of such opportunities.

JessinAvalon · 06/01/2011 22:56

Let's talk about the johns here for a minute. Are they all decent guys who are just a bit lonely? Really good looking guys?

What kind of man thinks it's acceptable to buy a potentially abused/exploited woman's body for half an hour? How would he know that she's not been abused/exploited? Would he even care?

JessinAvalon · 06/01/2011 22:57

OLKK - Aren't you doing men a disservice by saying that? Of course it's always a joke that men will sleep with anything but in practice I expect most men would find that idea offensive.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 06/01/2011 22:57

JessinAvalon, no-one could guarantee anyone's safety in such a situation. Who guarantees the safety of women married to men who think they own them outright?

dittany · 06/01/2011 22:58

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