young, close relative has become an "escort" WWYD?

[notreallymehere]

20 something low closeish relative has become an escort. She has been thinking about it for a while, tried it in London, stopped but now has gone back to it in her home town. She is with what appears to be reputable agency and seems to be making quite a lot of money. Lots of reviews now appearing on her webpage etc. She appears fully happy with her choice - she had a job before (working in a coffee bar) but says that the money is better with this (she has previously worked as a lap dancer). My question is what do I tell my friends/acquaintances if they ask about her. I've discussed this with some people when she first started in London and the reaction was very aggressive "well you should have stopped her" etc etc. (hence name change) Fact is that she is an adult and this is her choice and I cannot see how I can stop her - she is making a far bit of money at this and is very financially motivated. However she is part of the family and it is difficult to avoid the questions but many people are very judgemental (of me for somehow "allowing" this to happen).

so are you special, as in one of these "chosen mothers" who have higher aspirations for their daughter than prostitution; compared to you know, all those other mothers who aspire for their daughter to become prostitutes

Or are you saying that you wouldn't mind your daughter becoming a prostitute if you hadn't already planned out those other things for her

Or are you really saying that prostitutes, and their mothers, are an entirely different group of human beings to you, who have different aspirations, and therefore the question of whether you would want your daughter to become a prostitute doesn't apply to you?

It think it's the latter

Cote have you read or even skimmed through the links I have posted?

I ask because they explain pretty well the reasons behind my stance on prostitution, particularly this one. I see this as a human rights issue. I think you see it in an entirely different way to me so we are unlikely to have much common ground.

Prostitution is already an underground affair - it is underground because of its violent exploitative, harmful, sexist, racist, paedophiliac nature. Making prostitution legal will not change the nature of the activity - it will just make it easier for johns and pimps to go about their business.

From the above link;

"Condoning prostitution is the most demeaning and degrading thing the
state can do to women. What. . . [Nevada] do[es] as a state is essentially put a U.S.-grade stamp on the butt of every prostitute. Instead, we should be turning them around by helping them get back
into society."

I don't want to prostitute myself and I don't want my daughters to either.

Neither do you - and yet you think it is a good enough fate for other people's daughters. How much do you really know about the reality of what the majority of both legal and illegal prostitution actually is(as opposed to the happy hooker/Pretty Woman crap?).

You obviously know enough to know that you don't want to do it yourself - and yet you appear to de defending the right for it to be done to other women.

What makes you think legal prostitution would be better than illegal? Do you think all the pimps and johns are going to turn into nice guys overnight? Do you think the Lord Sugars of the world are going to step in and take up this new business opportunity? They won't I can assure you, because being involved in prostitution means being involved in the abuse, manipulation, violence, degradation, humiliation and torture of the vulnerable.

Funny Cote how when women in prostitution are studied, the consistent figure of around 90% comes up of women who want out of prostitution immediately. And yet when you interviewed women, 100% turned out to be Happy Hookers.

Did you ask the women you interviewed if they had entered prostitution as 15 year old children? Or is the average age of entry into prostitution higher in Amsterdam?

Sakura - Sorry but I have no idea about why you are talking about prostitutes' mothers. But no, I don't think I'm a "special mum" nor that they are inferior to me

I assume they don't want their daughters to be prostitute, either. Surely, OP's relative's mum doesn't. But what can she do to stop her daughter, if she even knows?

Beachcomber - I understand your views on this issue and they are noble, albeit a bit naive. I would be happy like you if a magic wand was waved to tomorrow and prostitution would disappear overnight.

Where we differ is that I feel (1) banning a trade with willing buyers and sellers is not effective and only serves to drive it underground, making it unsafe for everyone, and (2) states have no business banning activities between consenting adults and should stick to enforcing actual crimes like forced prostitution, trafficking with intent to forced prostitution, and pedophilia.

... enforcing laws against actual crimes...

Cote I'm reading your link properly now. I'm only into the first couple of paragraphs and I've read something which I think is incorrect.

"The first of these two approaches is based on the perception that all prostitution is a form of violence, and by extension, that one can never choose to sell sexual services."

I think this is a flawed analysis of viewpoints like mine (and a massive oversimplification).

I don't think that nobody ever chooses to sell sexual services - I think society is constructed in a way that unfairly disadvantages certain sectors of the population making them more vulnerable to being exploited. For example;

"Compared to their numbers in the United States as a whole, women of color are overrepresented in prostitution. For example, in Minneapolis, a city which is ninety-six percent white European-American, more than half of the women in strip-club prostitution are women of color."

www.prostitutionresearch.com/pdfs/FarleyYaleLaw2006.pdf

Perhaps there is a tiny minority of women who are totally happy with selling sex - I choose not to concentrate on them but choose to concentrate on the vast majority who experience huge suffering and trauma.

Cote prostitution is already an underground activity - it is always going to be an underground activity by its very nature.

"states have no business banning activities between consenting adults and should stick to enforcing actual crimes like forced prostitution, trafficking with intent to forced prostitution, and pedophilia."

Well that is at least 90% of prostitution then isn't it?

I think your talk of magic wands is defeatist and patriarchal.

What is naive about thinking that civilised countries might frown on the criminal behaviour of its citizens, and put sanctions in place to discourage deviants? Actually perhaps you are right - when the victims are poor women and children nobody really gives a fuck do they?

Agree with dittany - I think people who defend prostitution should, in the interests of non-hypocrisy, at least give the 'job' a go themselves.

I don't want to work as an air hostess but I would be willing to go and do it for a week or even a month in order to find out what the job is really like.

I suspect the same can not be said for people who are so keen for other people's daughters to be in prostitution.

"I suspect the same can not be said for people who are so keen for other people's daughters to be in prostitution."

yes,, I wonder what it takes for a woman to justify prostitution to herself because she believes her daughter is better than that:

*Cote" said:
"because I have higher aspirations for her including higher education and a profession where she can earn a very good living without risking STDs. And it would break my heart to see people looking down at her."

Not a problem for other people's daughters is it Cote? "I'm all right Jack" my daughter can aspire higher than that...

That's what I meant when I said you thought you were a "special mother".

As if the daughters in question generally get a choice in being born poor, or black, or sexually abused, or female

HELP WANTED:WOMEN AND GIRLS DO YOU WANT THIS JOB?

Prostitution has been euphemized as an occupational alternative for women, as an answer to low-paying, low skilled, boring dead-end jobs, as a solution to the high unemployment rate of poor women, as a form of sexual liberation, and a career women freely choose.

*Are you tired of mindless, low skilled, low-paying jobs? Would you like a career with flexible hours? Working with people? Offering a professional service?

*No experience required. No high school diploma needed.

*No minimum age requirement. On-the-job training provided.

*Special opportunities for poor women?single mothers?women of color.

Women and girls applying for this position will provide the following services:
*Being penetrated orally, anally, and vaginally with penises, fingers, fist,and objects, including but not limited to, bottles, brushes, dildoes, guns and/or animals;
*Being bound and gagged, tied with ropes and/or chains, burned with cigarettes, or hung from beams or trees;
*Being photographed or filmed performing these acts.

Workplace:
Job-related activities will be performed in the following locations: in an apartment, a hotel, a ?massage parlor,? car, doorway, hallway, street, executive suite, fraternity house, convention, bar, public toilet, public park, alleyway, military base, on a stage, in a glass booth.

Wages:
*Wages will be negotiated at each and every transaction. Payment will be delivered when client determines when and if services have been rendered to his satisfaction.
*Corporate management fees range from 40-60% of wages; private manager reserves the right to impound all monies earned.

Benefits:
Benefits will be provided at the discretion of management.
NO RESPONSIBILITY OR LEGAL REDRESS FOR THE FOLLOWING ON-THE JOB HAZARDS:
*Nonpayment for services rendered;
*Sexually transmitted diseases or pregnancy;
*Injuries sustained through performance of services including but not limited to cuts, bruises, lacerations, internal hemorrhaging, broken bones, suffocation, mutilation, disfigurement, dismemberment, and death.

Note: Accusations of rape will be treated as a breach of contract by employee.
Name of applicant: __
Signature of manager on behalf of applicant:

Appendix A

Christ, it's not 'noble' to care about human rights issues - it's humane.

Genius BC

dittany, "Who would want that for any family member?"

Is the answer: Other-mothers-not-me-with-my-high-aspirations-for-my-own-daughter?

Or is it: Nobody at all

well... except the men who groom their daughters I suppose

Re "90% want out of prostitution"

I'm not familiar with the UK. What I have seen in the Netherlands is that legalization has brought safety and control. They insist on condoms for everything, including oral sex. They have special sheet-like "feminine condoms" for use when a customer wants to go on them. Some have bidets in their rooms and ask customers to wash themselves with soap before anything else.

I have also been to brothels where customers chat with girls at the bar area, then go upstairs with the ones they like. (And was told by one girl who thought I was joining them that my name is too difficult and I should come up with another one ) I had the impression that there was very high turnover, as girls made good money in a short time, then left for university or went back home.

In such an environment, where prostitution is work like any other, those who want to leave do leave. Those who don't stay for a bit longer. That is probably why every prostitute I spoke to was there because she was selling this service willingly.

If 90% of sex workers in the UK want to quit prostitution, yes, British state should find ways to help them out - train them with some new skills and help find jobs, relocate if necessary. Criminalizing an entire industry seems an unnecessary and extreme step.

I would finish this with a comment on whether we should criminalize mining if 90% of miners were found to be desperate to leave their jobs and find jobs in another industry, but I will surely be flamed a la "How can you compare mining to selling one's asshole?" or some such.

"And was told by one girl who thought I was joining them that my name is too difficult and I should come up with another one"

Okay then...

Ummm, can you go back to the point I was making about you believe your daughter was above prostitution, whereas other peoples' daughters are not, apparently

Why didn't you join them Cote - I mean in the interests of research and all?

dittany - You might have noticed that I have not been responding to your petty personal attacks. I wish you would take the hint and take your venom elsewhere.

Oh and at 'high turnover'.