young, close relative has become an "escort" WWYD?

[notreallymehere]

20 something low closeish relative has become an escort. She has been thinking about it for a while, tried it in London, stopped but now has gone back to it in her home town. She is with what appears to be reputable agency and seems to be making quite a lot of money. Lots of reviews now appearing on her webpage etc. She appears fully happy with her choice - she had a job before (working in a coffee bar) but says that the money is better with this (she has previously worked as a lap dancer). My question is what do I tell my friends/acquaintances if they ask about her. I've discussed this with some people when she first started in London and the reaction was very aggressive "well you should have stopped her" etc etc. (hence name change) Fact is that she is an adult and this is her choice and I cannot see how I can stop her - she is making a far bit of money at this and is very financially motivated. However she is part of the family and it is difficult to avoid the questions but many people are very judgemental (of me for somehow "allowing" this to happen).

*bills not to pay their wage

Yes I am well aware of YOU saying you need to fancy the person you were with to enjoy the sex you are having, however MY reality is quite different. I can at first glance not fancy them in the slightest, but get turned on as the booking progresses.
Your problem is that you transfer your experiences onto others as absolutes when that is not the case at all. And I understand my experiences will not be the same for all either.

AZM and ShdNoBetta speak from experience and are certainly more persuasive and eloquent than the received ideas and second had cod sociology spouted by Dittany.
There are many jobs i would hate my children to have to do, I would hate to do them myself - not because they are 'immoral' - but because they are tough difficult, poorly rewarded jobs - and I woleheartedly repsect people who do those jobs rahter than sitting aorund moaning about the lack of jobs, because those jobs have to be done.
OP - to go bak to your roginal point, I think you should ignore people nosing about how your rellies make their money - they are rude - if they persist - tell 'em so!

Oh GOD, it's another one going on about "immorality"
You'Ll be on about "shame" next

Anyway back to feminism...

Sakura - thank you for clarifying that you were speaking of particular kinds of men!

I agree with much of what you say, but I think you greatly simplify the story. You strongly imply that this is only about wrong-headed/bad men who use, abuse and debase women sexually and otherwise. I agree it is useful to talk about power because this is part of the issue. However, I think that women also possess power and that women participate in the dynamic between men and women and the manner of their participation has a determining effect on those relations. In fact I know this is the case because that is the experience of my life. I am certain that this will also have been the experience of your life.

I know some very powerful women for whom I have enormous admiration and respect. A great deal of their power arises from the fact that they do not underestimate the importance of how they act, the extent to which they determine for themselves how they act and their awareness that their actions have an effect on themselves and other people. They not only accept that they are accountable for their actions, they absolutely insist upon being held accountable because they would consider it a gross insult that anyone would consider them not to be. They place that obligation on themselves and insist I do the same with myself. They do not hate me or condemn me when I act wrongly, but they do tell me I act wrongly. And they do not tell me about my sexuality - they expect me to know about that myself. However, they expect me to exercise it in an appropriate manner because they do the same. The assurance that I am responsible arises from the assurance that they are. In my opinion there are too many women who undercut the powerful women I know by understating their power and not giving them the credit that is due to them for using it responsibly. The powerful women I know speak truthfully about men but they also speak truthfully about women. They understand that by putting women on the hook they are putting men on the hook as well and they know that is the best place for both men and women.

It is difficult and complicated but this is how it should work. When you speak of women you should sometimes try to confine your comments to women and not always include the topic of men as if they entirely and always determine what women are. You should recognise that that is a very old agenda, and one not very respectful of women, but expressed in a different form

LOL you trying to save me?

I am not saying that is what I do. I was responding to what YOU have stated we do, and transferring the same to other situations outside of prostitution.

No I do not switch off, well mostly, no more than I did if I was having an off day at the office. But they are rare as I simply cancel my bookings and switch my phone off.

I am very in tune and very aware of everything that is going on, I like to give my punters what they have paid for and do everything that is possible for me to do so within my own boundaries of what I am willing to do. I take as much pride in my work as a hooker as I did in paid employment for someone else.

By trying to persuade me that I deserve better, what a thoroughly patronising thing to say.
I have the means to do other things and indeed I do, this is not the only business I have, if I wanted to go back into paid employment at a fairly decent salary I could also, why are you ignoring that I have chosen not to do these things?
My vagina is for 'rent' at a price I deem acceptable to whoever I chose to sell it to, and it most certainly cost much more than a packet of crisps or a taxi journey, I find that comparison insulting.
Because I can, it is not unique to myself either, one of the most powerful orgasms I have ever had was totally unexpected from a person I would never look at in real life, and I am not just on about that, there is a sensual side to what I do that IS a turn on and that is most certainly in the head. The only time I am turned off is either by someone's attitude or lack of hygiene and in both instances I will terminate the appointment.
Many woman have never experienced an orgasm, does not mean it is a myth and does not happen to others, so again your experiences are not absolutes or pertinent to everyone.

unfortunately, Andre the type of "power" you're talking about is in your head.
The truth is, the cold hard facts, are that women are under-represented in all economic and political institutions.
That is power, real power, not fake empowerment"
When women have at least 50% representation in parliament and hold at least 50% of society's resources, then and only then, will I be able to take stories of female power seriously

Yes Dittany and the technique of disassociating is often used by abuse victims generally.

There is no need to keep harping on at AZM or SNB about whether they want their daughters (or sons) to go into prostitution. That is more than amply answered.

Nothing I read in what they said describes prostitution with rose tinted glasses or perpetuates the 'happy hooker' myth that others are so keen to insist to further their own straw man arguments.

There is no need to be rude to AZM or SNB for the informed choices they made. They have been perfectly civil and in fact patient in answering rather intrusive questions over and over again. They have in fact given far more personal information that I would in the name of persuading another to my view. I see that as them believing that theirs is a valid choice (they never said ideal for every woman). I have certainly been given a lot of food for thought in the arguments for de-criminalising prostitution.

I work in a profession that one might consider perfectly respectable (lawyer). The firm I work for represents tobacco companies, baby formula companies, big pharma, oil majors, possibly even Colombian flowergrowers for all I know. The profession has been likened to prostitution. Perhaps some times I even 'disassociate' myself from my work.

No more reason for anyone to abuse my choice than some of you think appropriate to hurl at AZM and SNB in the name of feminism.

I forgot to mention banks ...

dittany Sun 09-Jan-11 17:00:01
I don't think you're really understanding the nature of prostitution blueshoes.

Unless you have to have your orifices penetrated by clients' penises in order to earn your fee there isn't a comparison.

And you have dittany?
No therefore your thoughts are no more valid than blueshoes?

Exactly SNB.

Neither I nor dittany have had commercial sex. So I am far more prepared to give you the benefit of the doubt than dittany.

Is Dittany, the judge, the jury and the executioner?

Wow someone who has not experienced what she is talking about but professes to know what it is like, what it feels like.

Well Dittany isn't comparing her profession with prostitution, so I hardly see SNB's point.

blueshoes - you've got your comparison with prostitution the wrong way round. Your clients pay you and you fuck them, not the other way round.

Thank you blueshoes, I am not asking for complete understanding and agreement but the willingness to even consider that it is not one size fits all and it is my human right to do what I see fit to earn my money in a legal way.

So now people here would rather rely upon the experience of one woman about a whole profession above the statistics and research that is out there? Are we really that eager to believe the happy hooker myth.

SNB. You have said that you were raped as a teen I wonder what long term effect that had on you and whether without that devastating crime you would have valued yourself as a commodity.

Xolo, your post makes no sense to me. Sorry.

blueshoes, I think you'll find both sex workers are keen to seek approval, that's why they're still here.