young, close relative has become an "escort" WWYD?

[notreallymehere]

20 something low closeish relative has become an escort. She has been thinking about it for a while, tried it in London, stopped but now has gone back to it in her home town. She is with what appears to be reputable agency and seems to be making quite a lot of money. Lots of reviews now appearing on her webpage etc. She appears fully happy with her choice - she had a job before (working in a coffee bar) but says that the money is better with this (she has previously worked as a lap dancer). My question is what do I tell my friends/acquaintances if they ask about her. I've discussed this with some people when she first started in London and the reaction was very aggressive "well you should have stopped her" etc etc. (hence name change) Fact is that she is an adult and this is her choice and I cannot see how I can stop her - she is making a far bit of money at this and is very financially motivated. However she is part of the family and it is difficult to avoid the questions but many people are very judgemental (of me for somehow "allowing" this to happen).

Nobody answered the question about what it feels like to have a penis inside you that you don't want there but are being paid to do so so you have to accept it
I don't have to accept anything. I could give them a partial refund depending on how much time left and then tell them to leave. especially if I were allowed security. I have achoice just like any other woman - quite!

Point to the evidence where criminalising johns drives the sex industry underground. There isn't any

I have already said I am not as computer literate as you so not as able to find the stats and figures, however they are there if anyone who hasn't been scared away by being told who they are and what they think and feel is around to help with that?

Why have YOU not answered my many very valid common sense points about how and why criminalisation will result in more un-safe practises? The main reason the bill to criminalise punters was thrown out of the Scottish Parliament at the first stage last year was because the industry would be driven further underground and those who need help would be harder to find. That is a fact. That was the reason given by the police, prostitute support groups and believe it or not THE ROYAL COLLEGE OF NURSING.

Men have not offered me anything my price is not up for negotiation.
I set my rates and if they do not like them they are more than welcome to seek another prostitute.
I have an advert that invites men to inquire about making a booking.
If I do not like the sound/look of them then the head rules the pocket every time.
I turn away more than 50% of people wanting to see me.
And how ridiculous to presume to know how I am or operate better than I do myself.

Funny people were led to believe that NZ had sex trafficking problem, it was found not to be true.
That is but one aspect of the industry every thing else still stands.
And just because it is has been driven underground in Sweden and Norway does not mean it is not still there, or is out of sight out of mind preferable?

AZM Ican't see why you can't see after your hideous experiences that surely it would be better to work towards abolishing prostituion than to try to 'protect' women who are prostitutes? No job which demands that kind of protection shoul be suopported.In other words, no prostituion and zero tolerance for punters will result in loess violence for these women. I would be interested to know what you think of the Swedish model which really does put women's rights at the forefront of policy.

Actually if paying for sex is made illegal, scumbag punters will be very clear about what they cannot do - they will be clear that they cannot buy sex from a woman because it will be illegal

But it will still go on, just prostitutes boundaries will be less clear. It is illegal in most states of the US and they still have a HUGE escort industry, just they are not allowed to be clear in their advertising or even a frank conversation when the punter turns up at all. They cannot discuss it until they are in the act in case it is a sting - how much more dangerous is that?

So just accept it as a fact of life, accept that being raped, hit, verbally abused and stolen from are and must be part of the job and make no effort to stop it altogether?

AZM Ican't see why you can't see after your hideous experiences that surely it would be better to work towards abolishing prostituion than to try to 'protect' women who are prostitutes? No job which demands that kind of protection shoul be suopported.In other words, no prostituion and zero tolerance for punters will result in loess violence for these women. I would be interested to know what you think of the Swedish model which really does put women's rights at the forefront of policy

I support decriminalisation because of the FACT that prostitution will always go on , because unlike some people would have you believe, there is a large proportion of women who do make a choice to work in the Sex Industry. If you read my posts you will see the many ways that driving the industry underground will make it more dangerous for those women who do choose prostitution and harder to find and help those who do not. This is exactly why the Swedish model was thrown out of the Scottish Parliament last year. The Swedish Model probably does reduce demand somewhat but WILL NOT eradicate. I know an escort who has toured Sweden and Norway in 2010! She said it was very difficult but still possible, just very very "secret" with is NOT good. It just appears to have reduced demand significantly - of course it does because those who do buy and sell sex are obviously much more secretive about it!

I only had 1 bad experience which was stopped by my security, and 1 incident of extreme verbal abuse (also thrown out by security) in the years and years I worked as a prostitute or a masseuse. I had many good experiences and my life benefited vastly from the money and freedom. It is not for everyone, but was overall a positive experience for me. The bad experience was obviously a bad experience for me I won't dispute that, but I can see that man was only 1 man and I was probably more traumatised by the police doing absolutely NOTHING about it, I told them I could give his full name and registration details to be recorded but they did not even take them .

Why is nobody answering the question rosability asked, and then asked by me? :

To those of you who are defending prostitution, especially those of you who are defending it vicariously (i.e who have never been prostitutes yourselves) , would you encourage your son or daughter to make a living out of being penetrated by men in exchange for cash?

If the answer is, no, then you have to ask yourself why you are justifying a society sets aside a group of people, the sex class/prostitute class, to be penetrated in exchange for cash

It's not about the woman's choice, it's about a society that believes that people of one class (the non-sex class= males) have the right to buy other people, those who have been relegated through economic circumstances, to the sex class (females on the whole, but the odd male too) because of the economic power imbalance

The only way to tackle prostitution is from a women's rights, human rights point of view.

Amazing! You have totally glossed over me saying that was the agenda for the NZ policy and instead accredited it to those that are working as you prefer!

So just accept it as a fact of life, accept that being raped, hit, verbally abused and stolen from are and must be part of the job and make no effort to stop it altogether?

It is a fact of life not exclusive to prostitutes, I would wager more woman are being abused by those that profess to love them.

AZM, the US isn't a good example

Why is it not a good example?

If you don't have any evidence that criminalising punters and pimps drives prostitution underground then why are you arguing that it does? here isn't any evidence which is why you can't produce it AZM

I have already given a few concrete examples from things I have read (mainly when working for the NHS actually). And numerous common-sense examples based on REAL LIFE EXPERIENCE. You can discredit what I saw and experienced with my own eyes as much as you like Dittany, but do you have anything other than figures which have been given to you? Do you have first hand experience?

I have already said I don't have the computer skills you do to find facts and figures but they are there. I may ask some Sex Workers/ex Sex Workers I know to find and post some very credible links, then you can argue with them.

The Royal College of Nursing are a bunch of fucking tools and a lot of so-called prostution support groups are nothing of the sort, in fact they are pro-sex industry shills e.g. Scot-PEP which had its funding removed was pro-legalisation on behalf of pimps and johns

Oh they are 'tools' because you say so then? .

Scot-Pep is (still exists actually) pro-legalisation on behalf of prostitutes themselves - NOT johns and pimps! To say that is complete rubbish. They happen to have first hand experience of working with and listening to prostitutes, you do not. Since they had their funding cut there has been no valuable sexual health outreach service to prostitutes in Edinburgh - is this a good thing too?

Why is nobody answering the question rosability asked, and then asked by me?

Have already answered it twice up-thread.

Andre your post was interesting

I do differentiate between men who meet women on their own terms, who are appalled by men who buy women's bodies, and those who think exploiting people who are economically vulnerable is okay as long as they get their power trip and orgasm

But all this commodification of sex is for the male orgasm of a particular kind of man and that is the person I'm talking about here.

FWIW, the sex industry doesn't have much to do with sex or sexuality, it's about power.
Regarding the sexuality of the prostitute, it does not represent female sexuality. Women do not need to be coerced into sex by money, a meal or other means, because women have their own sexuality and the majority of women have sex for pleasure- no other reason (except maybe babies )

Straight young men become rent-boys for cash and lesbians service men for cash so again the sexuality aspect is a red herring. Prostitution has nothing whatsoever to do with female sexuality, that's for sure, and it serves a warped form of male sexuality, the kind of men who want to take the humanity out of sex and bring it down to a cold, clinical transaction of cash for goods.

so, would you encourage your son or daughter to be penetrated by men in exchange for cash?

Why is nobody answering the question rosability asked, and then asked by me?

Have already answered it twice up-thread.

what's wrong with answering it twice?
I have skimmed upthread and I can't find your answer

Can I just say that woman also pay for sex with other women.

It is not just about a woman being penetrated by a man.

Prostitutes don't see the face/the man they see the dollar, the buck, the cash.

It is afterall just a job.

Some can do it some cannot.

I think those that do it have guts, they put their lives on the line, their sanity every day for the sake of earning a crust. It pays well.

I think you have hit the nail on the head, Dittany.

Everyone's sexuality is a part of themselves that they possess for free. Like hospitality, it is a gift which you can choose to share with others or withhold, as you wish. However, if it is given at all, it should be given freely. It comes down to what I said earlier about self-respect, respect for others and respect for what it is to be human. There are some things that are part of being human that should not be debased by turning them into objects in a commercial transaction. I believe that sexuality is one of those things. I think there are lots of bad consequences for human beings to do with how we come to regard ourselves and each other when we debase ourselves in this manner. I think that women should consider very carefully the price they risk paying by treating their sexuality with so little respect that they are prepared to sell it for money. It is very niaive to expect any other outcome than that it comes to be valued according. That is a very bad thing for men and a very bad thing for women. There are some things that possess value of other kinds than the monetary sort. The value of sexuality arises from the value of the person of whom it is an intrinsic part. Putting a price tag on it is putting a price tag on the person. That is inescapable. It must be given freely because the true value that it possesses lies entirely in the act of it being given freely.

My DD is still too young to even understand sex but I will probably tell her when she is an adult. I would not be ecstatic if she did become a Sex Worker, and I would not openly encourage it, but if she did choose as an adult I would give her safety advice etc. There are forums for Sex Workers run by women who do the job themselves and they will say (as will I) that someone has to decide to do this job themselves and seek out info etc, it is quite immoral to encourage them because of the chance (not definite like some people would have you believe on here) but there is a chance they will be damaged emotionally. Most just try it out and if it doesn't work for them, leave unscathed, but for a few they will carry shame etc forever so prob not best to "recruit" or suggest it to anyone

Here is one of my posts on the topic.

waits to get attacked and called bad mother etc because does not conform to societies views or want to force adult daughter to do/not do things

Can I just say that woman also pay for sex with other women

It is rarer yes but there is a lesbian escort agency in London which seems quite busy and active.

But Andre everyone in paid employment rents themselves out to the highest bidder according to contract.
I chose to not line others pockets but my own.

you wouldn't encourage her because there is a chance she'd be damaged emotionally... well yes, that's one reason I wouldn't want my DD who is 4 atm to become a prostitute.

I don't think you can separate prostitution from economic coercion. I would be sad that my daughter was being coerced into letting men fuck her because our consumerist society tells us that a person's value is defined by how much money they can earn

Andre again, another interesting post, but I do think you are emphasizing the women a bit too much. This is a feminist board so the emphasis is on the men punters actually do have a choice

FabbyChic so if it's "just a job" you are one of the people who son't have a problem with your son or daughter becoming a prostitute then?

|I think you need to think seriously about the friends you have that are judging you on the matter of what someone else is doing, also the type of person that they are they need to have feelings of control of other humans.

The argument that leading on from, drugs, alchol or escort comes a whole host of other pursuits doesn't happen, they would still be choices to be made. If you smoke dope then this will lead onto heroin addiction, if you get drunk this will lead onto you being an alcoholic. All are possible and we also can all make choices where we want to stop

AZM
I think it says a lot that you say some women carry the shame forever. It's not their shame, you know, it's the shame of the men who pay to use them that they're carrying around on their shoulders