young, close relative has become an "escort" WWYD?

[notreallymehere]

20 something low closeish relative has become an escort. She has been thinking about it for a while, tried it in London, stopped but now has gone back to it in her home town. She is with what appears to be reputable agency and seems to be making quite a lot of money. Lots of reviews now appearing on her webpage etc. She appears fully happy with her choice - she had a job before (working in a coffee bar) but says that the money is better with this (she has previously worked as a lap dancer). My question is what do I tell my friends/acquaintances if they ask about her. I've discussed this with some people when she first started in London and the reaction was very aggressive "well you should have stopped her" etc etc. (hence name change) Fact is that she is an adult and this is her choice and I cannot see how I can stop her - she is making a far bit of money at this and is very financially motivated. However she is part of the family and it is difficult to avoid the questions but many people are very judgemental (of me for somehow "allowing" this to happen).

I'd tell people exactly what she is. She's a whore. I'd tell her that she's putting her gender to shame, she's embarrassing the family and she's got no real self-respect and should have any because she hasn't accomplished anything with her life

Bullying? Bullying someone into getting some self-respect. I'd call that an 'intervention', not bullying. And who cares if it is anyway

Not bullying Sex Workers (in this case the OP's relative) eh? . These are the kind of stigma attitudes which actually make some men think it is OK to be violent towards woman, because she is like you say "just a whore", "embarrassing the family" , "no self-respect", basically you are saying it's ok to bully her because of her job?

I would say (if you are a woman) that YOU are the one embarrassing yourself.

Dittany et all
I could trot out a bunch of figures too (if I was internet-savvy enough to find and link them). I have extensive real life experience, both of the Street side of prostitution in one major city (from my healthcare background) and Indoor side of prostitution in different major cities (from when I worked). I don't need figures to back up what I know.

Google "Scot-Pep" or "SW5 sex worker" for some organisations which actually listen to Sex Workers, instead of speaking FOR them with a skewed moral/political agenda.

Well done Shldnobeta for finding some studies . I'm rubbish at technological stuff.

Woo-hoo! Only half the women on the streets of New Zealand need drugs to get them through the experience. Viva prostitution! No wonder you're defending it.

Really? Or is it they are prostitutes because of a drug habit that needs funding? It is amazing how a slight variance of words can mean something entirely different.
Prostitution is not the problem here it is the habit that they are funding.
People with drug habits and use prostitution to fund it are not going to suddenly give up because they can no longer prostitute, no they will instead find other ways, shoplifting, burglary, muggings etc.

Dunno what your point is with that list. Out of the population, women in prostitution are many more times likely to die or be murdered than women who aren't.

Really? I presume there is data to back that one up? Prostitutes are an easy target so makes sense that if a serial killer wanted to kill then that would be the first place they go, take away prostitutes are they going to suddenly stop killing?
Keeping the industry open will make them easier to find and keep and eye on.
The point of the list was you googled murdered prostitutes and trotted out a list to back up what you were saying, I googled murdered woman and the front page of google did not have one murdered prostitute in sight so it is not only prostitutes that are likely to be murdered.

but Dittany if you criminalise clients then you are in effect taking away the prostitute's ability to earn a living. If getting into taxis was banned because taxi-drivers are at a much higher risk of attack and murder than the rest of the population (true), then taxi-drivers who CHOSE the job would not be able to make a living.

I would say that the only women who do not make a clear choice to go into prostitution are those who are trafficked or pimped by abusive partners, and also drug addicts (technically a choice to take the drug, but once you are physically addicted you will do anything to get it, even what you really would not choose in any other circs, so I would class this as not a choice). The rest have, and make choices.

Believe it or not, I have an issue with men who coerce or force women to sell sex (ie-pimps). I remember when I was working at a drop-in centre for street prostitutes, one woman's "partner" repeatedly banging on the door, calling her mobile etc when she was only in with the doctor for 20 mins. We couldn't do anything other than try to calm him down and tell him that men were not allowed in the facility and that X was in with the doctor at the moment. I thought how it must be pretty bad for that woman . She was a drug addict on methadone but she alluded to having to pay for her partner's and his friend's drugs also. She was repeatedly in and out of jail for prostitution and obviously her partner only saw her a a money making machine. He did not want to go to the Gay RLD and sell sex so he manipulated her into it.

This is an issue with domestic violence. It was situations like this which made my views of men change more than actually prostituting ever did. All prostitution itself did for my view of men was to make me realise how many married and attached men actually cheat . I worked in a relatively small city with a few hundred regular indoor prostitutes, and from what I could tell the places we advertised and the phones were EXTREMELY busy every day, and probably 2/3 were married.

That is funny, there is a difference to being a prostitute to fund a habit and to develop a habit to get through prostitution. The latter is what you were suggesting.

We need proper drug rehab schemes well at last something we both agree on!

I have listened to woman in prostitution over more than a decade that will say they have made a well informed choice to become a prostitute and the financial and time freedoms it gives them empowers them.

notreallymehere She's getting reviews on line...? What on earth do they say?

Anyone who thinks escorts arent sex workers is very naive...

People with drug habits and use prostitution to fund it are not going to suddenly give up because they can no longer prostitute, no they will instead find other ways, shoplifting, burglary, muggings etc

Prostitutes are an easy target so makes sense that if a serial killer wanted to kill then that would be the first place they go, take away prostitutes are they going to suddenly stop killing?

Exactly. These are a few of the very reasons chief constable Iain Livingstone expressed concerns about when he was asked to give the views of the police force in Scotland on the proposals to criminalise buying sex in Scotland.

Sakura said "Society has a choice whether or not to cross this line, and it has chosen to cross it for the sake of the male orgasm, and to line the pockets of the profiteers"

Concerning 'The Male Orgasm' :

I am a human being and part of being a human being is having a sexuality - which in my view is a positive and wonderful thing. Among other things, my sexuality allows me to have orgasms, which I find intensely pleasurable. I do not consider there to be anything wrong in this. I happen to be a man so I experience 'male orgasms'. I am also heterosexual so my sexual interests tend to be focussed on woman. During sexual encounters with women I often have 'male orgasms'. Because part of the joy of sexual encounters is being the focus of some else's sexual interest and it is easy with a little bit of care and consideration to participate in this, my female sexual partners very often have 'female orgasms'. I think my sexuality is very beautiful and I think female sexuality is very beautiful and I adore it when my partners have 'female orgasms'. I love it that men and women have the capacity to have orgasms together. I would not be so careless and disrespectful of women to speak of their orgasms in a manner that implied there is something unpleasant, problematical or shameful about them. I would certainly never talk of 'the female orgasm' as if it somehow existed as something separate from the women who have them. I am not saying that men and women cannot misuse their sexuality, I am just saying that I try to speak carefully and respectfully about female sexuality because I want women to know that I understand that their sexuality is very personal and precious to them and I think it is precious too. Even if they don't think this of themselves, and sadly some do not, I want them to know that I do.

I don't think that men and women should debase their sexuality by treating it as if it were a commodity to be transacted for money. They should realise that it is part of them and it is not possible to debase it without also debasing themselves. They should also realise that they debase the person with whom they are conducting the transaction. I don't think people who do this should be condemned, but I do think they should be told it is wrong.

There are 2396 sex workers in NZ in the tested areas, of those 21.4% are there through non choice, ie drug addiction, by criminalising the client you are affecting the other workers that are working through choice and taking away their livelihood.
Now those prostitutes that are doing it through choice are not suddenly going to stop being prostitutes, no it will be driven underground and will take more policing than it does currently, which of course will take away resources from those 21.4% that really need the help.

There are plenty of jobs to choose apart from prostitution.

What is the current unemployment figures? How many desperately want jobs but are unable to find them?

Another thing I heard often from professionals is that there is a lack of joined-up reporting and sharing information on men who are potentially violent or are actually violent. There should be a database which would create profiles and join up similarities so violent men can be identified and stopped BEFORE any murders are committed.But a series of disjointed reports is not going to do any good. If a man with registration number XXXX XXX was very verbally abusive or stalking prostitutes in Aberdeen, for example, given there is no central database then the same man could offend again in Fife and no connection would be made, and the man may not be caught before it is too late and he has murdered or raped.

Do you think driving the industry further underground with clients scared to let their personal information be known for fear of arrest is going to make it easy to catch these menand connect things up? No of course not. It will be nigh on impossible when all punters are being so secretive for fear of arrest. This is a very valid point.

I say decriminalise (not the same as legalise so it will not glamourise) the buying and selling of sex. Allow women to work in premises together and with security if they wish (would not cost much to employ a guard if split between 3 women per day). Also take down all client's car registration numbers and let them know you have done so, and preferably insist on photographic ID before they enter the premises. Obviously the police etc could not make all women take these precautions, but there are numerous support groups out there who would educate women in these safety procedures and they could find the women as not underground. I can tell you if this were to happen, violence would drop dramatically.

UK does not have accurate figures so am using NZ as a model. It would be no different to the UK albeit on not nearly as large a scale.

It suited you to quote from there before dittany

Dittany
But in effect you are taking away the woman's choice to prostitute with maximum safety if it is criminalised and underground.

And a while ago you were quoting figures from Canada! So what is wrong with talking about New Zealand?

She also pulled selective parts from the NZ policy update AZM it is whatever suits at the time I guess

She also pulled selective parts from the NZ policy update AZM it is whatever suits at the time I guess

I already did yesterday dittany, there is never a penis there I have not invited, I still am able to say no just like any other woman, or simply switch off my phone if I wish

By and large, Women who CHOOSE to be prostitutes are NOT told what to do by men. We have/had very strict security and screening procedures and if they did not comply they would not get an appointment. Also we decide beforehand what services we would be willing to offer ie - NO ANAL, NOTHING UNPROTECTED etc and anyone who asked and had clearly not read our instructions would also not get an appointment.

If buying and/or selling sex is criminalised prostitutes will not be able to be so clear with their rules and do's and don'ts because then because of the wording of the advert either we will be arrested (if selling is illegal) or the client will be arrested on the basis he called the number on the advert and turned up (if buying is illegal).

So the boundaries and what is offered and what is not will become very blurry and obviously that can be dangerous as the client is not clear on what he can and cannot do because you are not allowed to discuss it.