young, close relative has become an "escort" WWYD?

[notreallymehere]

20 something low closeish relative has become an escort. She has been thinking about it for a while, tried it in London, stopped but now has gone back to it in her home town. She is with what appears to be reputable agency and seems to be making quite a lot of money. Lots of reviews now appearing on her webpage etc. She appears fully happy with her choice - she had a job before (working in a coffee bar) but says that the money is better with this (she has previously worked as a lap dancer). My question is what do I tell my friends/acquaintances if they ask about her. I've discussed this with some people when she first started in London and the reaction was very aggressive "well you should have stopped her" etc etc. (hence name change) Fact is that she is an adult and this is her choice and I cannot see how I can stop her - she is making a far bit of money at this and is very financially motivated. However she is part of the family and it is difficult to avoid the questions but many people are very judgemental (of me for somehow "allowing" this to happen).

48% of indoor prostitutes experience client violence
8% of indoor prostitutes have been raped in the last six months.
Less than 1/5 of indoor prostitutes report violence to the police.
Over 1/3 indoor prostitutes abuse alcohol and/or drugs.

74% indoor prostitutes say the main reason for their work is to financially support their children.

I think the prostitution argument is always settled by the question would you want your loved ones to become prostitutes?
It is always met with a resounding no

De-criminalising prostitution helps only pimps and punters. The street workers will be brought indoors, their 'services' will probably be cheaper than the 'escort agency' type of stuff and newly legal. Great for the punters, but how the hell does this address their very real drug and other issues? If they're indoors, they will still be there through no real choice, and their core problems will not be addressed? But, who cares, it will be so much more convenient for punters.

Ok here goes, how is this not insulting me -

Thing is you weren't suited to the job either. You stopped servicing the cock because it messed with the rest of your life in particular your relationship. And if you were honest you'd acknowledge that that's what it does to women in prostitution

There are more....

I do not defend the industry, I defend the women who choose to work in it, and I am for helping those with no choice in the matter to get the hell out of it.

"Those few women" - how do you know this. I know this. I toured Britain and met countless countless women who did choose it - how is that a few?

My point is it will still happen regardless of laws, so why make it more dangerous and further underground where those who need the help cannot be found?

I just fail to see how harassing, bullying and stigmatizing those sex workers who have chosen this line of work does anything to help those who are being forced into doing it. Sex work is not a suitable job for everyone, any more than joining the army, being a firefighter, funeral director, debt collector, vivisectionist or working in an abbatoir is going to suit everyone. However, for some people, it's a conscience choice in that it can involve good money for short hours, and there are some sex workers who consider themselves therapists and healers working from a sense of vocation. Picking on them doesn't actually do anyone else any good.
But putting a stop to the stigmatizing of sex workers as criminals, sluts or drug addicts would be a big help as it would enable them to feel they could safely call the police when/if they are mistreated without the fear that the police will ignore their complaints and either insult them or indeed arrest and charge them.

What I want to know is - where is this 'underground'? if the police inc CID can't find it, how in the hell is your average John on the street going to find it?

See I don't understand. On the one had you say that many prostitutes do it entirely through their own choice. That they could do other things, but choose not to. But then you say that if the men who use prostitutes were criminalized (as they should be IMO) 'then prostitutes will have no choice but to see punters they otherwise would decline as they will have to take desperate measures to make money'. Well that sounds very much as if they haven't a choice to me.

My real objection is not to the women selling renting their orifices but to men buying them. That should not be an easy or legal choice. It demeans all women, reducing them to objects and turning rape back into a crime of property. The places where prostitution has been decriminalised or legalised have not seen violence against prostitutes (or women in general) decrease so I don't think that is the way ahead even on purely pragmatic grounds. It's bad enough bringing up daughters in a world where strip joints and lapdancing bars are on on the high street and adult porn channels advertised on public transport without adding brothels to the mix.

My question is more would you be happy if your son told you he had bought sex from a prostitute.

As for RMott being "suited" to it or not; she didn't have a choice. I am starting to regret posting her blog on here now. She gets senough abuse from pro-prostitution campaigners and from pimps already that she does find it hard continuing to write her blog but it is carthartic for her. I would hate to think that I have added to the stress and abuse that she might get by posting a link to her blog here.

Lucky are all those who have made that choice. For all those who say that they have, there are many more who haven't.

Those of us who are in favour in the Swedish model want to protect those who haven't chosen to enter the profession from those who don't care if they are coerced or abused or trafficked. Which I guess would be most punters.

One way that Scottish police found to discourage kerb crawlers was to depersonalise the women to the men who were out looking to buy sex. By saying, 'this is Lucy; she's 22 and she has 2 children and in her spare tie etc etc..' they found that many of the men found it difficult to contemplate buying sex from someone they hadn't depersonalised. I think that sends out a worrying message about how the punters view the women (and that's without even looking at the stuff that's written on Punternet).

A "tiny minority" who choose to do this Dittany? where do you get that from?

What I mean by underground is that prostitutes will have to rely on less than kind "agents" to get them bookings as a lot of clients will be scared off. That the whole business will be furtive and 'black market' and attract more unsavoury characters, that men will be more secretive when purchasing sex if it is illegal, so less 'traceable' if they were violent. That sex work will be stigmatised as something "illegal" to do and therefore prostitutes will be seen as 'victims' by society and more likely picked on by violent men

I would be willing to bet a large large amount and can say with confidence that if prostitution was further criminalised either/both ways then the number of men buying sex would go down yes, as would the number of women selling it - BUT the reported violence and murder rates would go UP in those that still did prostitute. It happened in Edinburgh when kerb-crawling was criminalised , it will happen elsewhere.

Do many of you buy flowers?

The Swedish model is extremely helpful and supportive to those wishing to exit prostitution. It stigmatizes the punter, not the seller of sex because it recognises that the woman who has found herself in that position may not have had a choice. That is why I am fully in favour of following this model.

I want the women who work in the industry who want to exit to be helped and supported to do so and I want the men who think that it is ok to have sex with someone else who doesn't actually want to have sex with them to be stigmatized. As Dittany says: no industry means no violence.

Or we can just shrug our shoulders and let men carry on doing what they've always done because we don't think we can change anything.

Again, how do you think that bullying and shaming one sex worker who is choosing to work in the industry (which is what you are advocating when you say the OP should tell everyone else that her relative is a sex worker and that she is trying to make the relative stop doing it) helps those who are not in the industry voluntarily?

Dittany: WRT flowers, would you tell someone who ran her own market garden that she should immediately stop selling flowers because of the exploitation of others in the flower industry?

And here is the follow up report on decriminalising and legislating prostitution in NewZealand, NZ is a fraction of the size of the UK therefore it would be much easier to bring about a more comprehensive and accurate report, you may find a few facts quite surprising.
The industry is no different over there and have the same social problems, NZ has always been found a good testing ground for many aspects of industry because of its size.

And I love the way that this was written with the only agenda of human rights and what is best for the woman, political and morality were kept out of it which it should be.
Funny enough Jess they also have a very helpful and supportive system in place for those wishing to exit prostitution.

www.justice.govt.nz/policy-and-consultation/legislation/prostitution-law-review-committee/publications/plrc-report/documents/report.pdf

Good old NZ for not imposing morality over the safety of woman as you appear to be doing dittany

Since when did wanting to ensure the safety of women become an issue of morality?!