young, close relative has become an "escort" WWYD?

[notreallymehere]

20 something low closeish relative has become an escort. She has been thinking about it for a while, tried it in London, stopped but now has gone back to it in her home town. She is with what appears to be reputable agency and seems to be making quite a lot of money. Lots of reviews now appearing on her webpage etc. She appears fully happy with her choice - she had a job before (working in a coffee bar) but says that the money is better with this (she has previously worked as a lap dancer). My question is what do I tell my friends/acquaintances if they ask about her. I've discussed this with some people when she first started in London and the reaction was very aggressive "well you should have stopped her" etc etc. (hence name change) Fact is that she is an adult and this is her choice and I cannot see how I can stop her - she is making a far bit of money at this and is very financially motivated. However she is part of the family and it is difficult to avoid the questions but many people are very judgemental (of me for somehow "allowing" this to happen).

I did not contradict myself at all -

85-95% of street workers are on drugs, therefore have no choice, they need their fix.

the percentage for indoor workers and drugs is much much lower, they could obviously survive without being a prostitute, therefore there is choice involved for them

Jesus.

You twisted everything I said.

Where did I say any of that , or anything that demeans street workers? That is ridiculous. Or that married men have more money therefore go to escorts?

ALL sex workers are vulnerable to much more violence if there are laws criminalising their work. That is what I have being trying to say all along.

Would you kindly not twist everything I say (and blatantly lie) again?

So in no way would you feel your daughter was being demeaned by being penetrated by someone who cared nothing for her?

I mean I have been penetrated by someone who felt nothing for me and it left me feeling empty and depressed

Still can't see why this is offensive, or rather why you find it offensive AZM:

"What's it like having a penis inside you that you don't want there?"

That's a prostitute's job and as it's a 'free choice', a perfectly legitimate way to earn a living etc... why take offense? Why not be pround of the job your choices allow you to do and of the pleasure you bring your clients? Unless of course you want to argue that most prostitutes actually do want most of those penises inside them? The point is that men pay because women DON'T want to have sex with them under normal circumstances.

My understanding of disgusting is clearly different from yours: I think it's beyond disgusting that men are allowed to use women and girls as sex objects. Those men are disgusting and making prositution any nicer, easier or less dangerous for them is crazy. Perhaps instead of saying that prostitution has to be made safe for the vulnerable women who are vastly less likely to be stolen from, raped or beaten if they work 'indoors', we should think a bit a harder about how the hell an 'industry' in which women need this kind of protection from their 'clients' as a matter of routine is allowed to exisit.

Well, it's a 'job' jenny, let's wait and see how the JCP will stop unemployed/ single parent women's/ men's benefits because they refuse to work in a brothel.

Ok I give up with the personal attacks which are being thrown at me.

I DID NOT say she was attacked because she is not "suitable" It is fully the awful men who inflicted violence on her who are at fault. Maybe I did not word it correctly. Probably that is the case.

I only read a bit of her blog, I did not read the violence part - only the parts where she is regretful and ashamed. The not suitable part was me saying that this is an example of the EMOTIONAL harm which prostitution can and does sadly do to some people whereby they get emotionally harmed. Some people do (the job suits them), some don't (the job does not suit them). If I had read the violence part which I knew nothing about then I would have worded that differently.

Ok enough of the witch hunt against me - The way you spoke about me and my life was detestable. I am and saddened by how you can speak to another woman because she happens to have views which may differ from your own. I am not even saying I fully agree with prostitution - I am only saying that I am very very against criminalisation, and this is what you say to me? I wonder how vitriolic you would get if I came on here saying prostitution is all roses?

I did suffer violence once as a prostitute, and was left with bruises. He only stopped biting me after the other girls working in the flat called the police, who did fuck all, incidentally. I'm lucky they never arrested me for holding the lease to the flat though.

A distant member of family (step family) is working as a amateur porn 'star'.My opinion on it is,it's only a matter of time before someone in her village will find out.

I feel sorry for her children (all under 10)her children will be the ones living with the stigma of their mother's choice of a career, if it gets out.

She's told everyone she models .

My dh once went to a lapdancing club when he was 18. It was a mate's birthday and he did it purely to fit in. Even as a horny teenage virgin he found the experience unsettling and not at all a turn on. Why? Because in his words he could tell 'the women did not really want to be there by the look in their eyes'

Since then he has been on a couple of stag dos and invited to strip clubs. He has declined and gone home. I am not holding him up as some hero, this is just how it should be. He was brought up to respect women and finds the idea of sex with a woman who does not really want it wrong.

I mean some people do/can deal with the annoying misogynistic attitudes you sometimes get, and sometimes other bad emotional aspects of the job, some cannot, therefore get emotionally harmed. I'm not in any way at all saying that those who cannot deal with the harder but non-violent sides to the job are in any way 'weaker' before you twist anything else.

I'm surprised at some of the responses on this thread. Research has shown that many women and men are forced into prostitution by indirect factors such as drug addiction,poverty etc. I wrote yesterday about my brother who was an escort for a while, no-one held a gun to his head to become one but he became due to other pressures. To view it so simplistically as to say that most women in this industry are in it because they want to be.

AlienZombieLife I do not think you are detestable but I do think the men who use the sex industry are detestable.

AZM. "I did suffer violence once as a prostitute, and was left with bruises. He only stopped biting me after the other girls working in the flat called the police, who did fuck all, incidentally." This is exactly why most of us are against prostitution or certainly one of the most important reasons. The happy hooker is a myth, she's only one punter away from an attack. Unlike a person who is not a sex worker, who hasn't had to suspend her rights to be treated equally by men and the police whilst she earns her crust, a 'normal' worker isn't as at risk to be attacked and then isn't blamed if she is(well not as much anyway).

But why the stigma? Surely you would be less worried about the "stigma" than the very real fact that the kids may see their mum having sex with different men and be confused and embarrassed?

Thats what i would be worried about. Thats why I never showed my face, paid taxes and avoided the police.

Roseabilly my exP , who was with me when I did escort, feels the same way about lap-dancing and prostitution. He was fuming and embarrassed as hell when a mate got him a stripper for his 21st birthday party. (I have seen the video)

But whilst he did not agree with my work he respected my choices as a woman. I wish more people would be the same.

But AZM it's what your job was, why take offence, it's what prostitutes do. Criticism is not personal, it's more that the job is so hideous that of course anything that anyone says about it will sound hideous: having men a series of men you don't know, let alone like or care about fuck you for money IS a hideous job. Choice is a red herring. Even if some women genuinly choose to become prostitutes, most don't, most are there through sexual abuse, drug abuse, coersion etc... Any 'occupation' in which the majority of workers are there through lack of choice and despite the fact that they will be exposed to massively higher levels of violence than most people has got to be inherently wrong.

I'm truly sorry you experienced violence No one should have to go through that. But neither should any job where people need protecting from this kind of routine abuse EVERY DAY be allowed to continue. I'm glad your friend could help you, but it just goes to show that indoor work is no protection from these filthy punters.

even though most women who end up in prostitution never had any real choices

There you go again. How do you profess to know that MOST women who have been/are prostitutes didn't/don't have any real choices.

have you met them? I am telling you honestly. I did meet 1000s of prostitutes - all of the street prostitutes I met did not have choices because of their addiction. A very few prostitutes who didn't work on the street were caught up in drugs too. The rest (a hell of a lot of women) I can say definitely DID have real choices.

Are you now going to tell me that what I experienced with my own eyes is not true?

If you do not think I am detestable, then why on earth are you telling me about my own life like I do not know my own mind (don't dispute that - there are numerous quotes of you doing just that), and also attacking me verbally because I did not read the full story of a blog?

AZM...Are you saying that you know all prostitutes and that countless research studies are wrong?

I was not dismissing them at all. I have been (once) harmed in prostitution myself. I am arguing against criminalising and pushing the industry further underground, and also not allowing the women who DO choose to do this their choices and rights.

Your EX's position simply makes no sense. I respect you as a woman, but no I don't respect your choices. You contribute to a hideously violent indusrty, you defend it, you help maintain the happy hooker myth and you want to make it easier for the men who use those services. Why should I respect your choice?