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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that some smokers are selfish f****?

380 replies

glitzalicious · 03/01/2011 21:23

so DH and I took my mum (who we rarely see for geographical reasons) and 9-month-old DS for lunch at a pricey restaurant in London today. It was freezing but there were no seats available inside, so at the suggestion of the waitress we sat at a table outside, near a patio heater, and ordered what looked set to be a very nice lunch.
A few minutes after we sat down, a woman in her 50s and her younger male companion came and sat on the table next to us, and both proceeded to light up cigarettes, inches from DS's face (the tables were extremely close together, and he was sitting on my mum's lap, happily eating his lunch). DH very politely asked the man if they would mind not smoking so close to the baby, to which he replied: "It's a free country". His leather-faced companion then gestured to a table at the other end of the al fresco area, with no heater anywhere near, and said: "Nobody's stopping you from moving". DH was quite stunned, and said: 'I think that's quite inconsiderate; it's really bad for the baby", and the bloke said: "I know", before shrugging his shoulders and turning back to his haggard old witch of a friend. I couldn't believe that people could be so selfish; to expect my DS (who had been sitting there before them) to either inhale all of their carcinogens (the fact the guy acknowledged that his habit was harmful to DC was quite shocking) or freeze, just so they could get their nicotine fix. Why the f* did they not move? We did get up and try to cancel our order; it was too late so we had to sit, completely freezing, in the heater-free zone. I have no axe to grind with smokers; if someone chooses to poison their own body it's no one's business but their own. But I would never think that others should suffer just so I could indulge a habit, and if someone were to ask me to stop doing something (talking too loudly in a restaurant etc) I would be so mortified at the prospect of impacting someone's enjoyment of their meal I would stop immediately, as they have just as much right to a nice lunch/dinner out as I do.
People always go on about a 'right to smoke': AIBU to think that right extends only to a smoker's home, or a child-free area? My blood is still boiling over those bastards!

OP posts:
newmum001 · 03/01/2011 22:46

Mini - the point is they shouldn't have to forgo a fag in an outside smoking area weather they are just having a coffee or not.

scurryfunge · 03/01/2011 22:47

I know debtfree.....the whole point of going for a coffee is to have a cigarette if you are a smoker. The OP's sense of entitlement is fucking hilarious, tbh.

PFB histeria....lovely.

Remotew · 03/01/2011 22:47

The couple will have sat down with the purpose of enjoying a coffee and a cig, that's why they were peed off to be asked to move.

curlymama · 03/01/2011 22:48

Sad really that the world is full of people so selfish that they can not forgo a fag for the length of time it takes to drink a coffee. They would prefer to blow smoke over someones child.

Mini, I can happily forgo a fag for the length of time it takes for me to do a shift at work, take a flight abroad, be pregnant for even. But if I go to a restaurant with an outdoor seating area to have a coffee, I choose to sit outside specifically so that I can have a fag with my coffee. Both taste better that way.

I genuinely don't see why I shouldn't be able to do that if I want. Although I would try to hold a cigarette so that it wasn't blowing directly at a child, or someone eating, but I wouldn't want to move.

Imarriedafrog · 03/01/2011 22:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZacharyQuack · 03/01/2011 22:48

If your baby was so snuggly and warm in his pram, why didn't you just give him a wee shove with your foot to wheel him away from the toxic fumes? Then everyone could have enjoyed their meal in peace.

newmum001 · 03/01/2011 22:50

Also don't understand how your baby was snug and warm in his pram at the same time as he was sat on your mums lap happily eating his lunch.

Imarriedafrog · 03/01/2011 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mutznutz · 03/01/2011 22:51

Zachary...because that would have been far too sensible and responsible by the sound of it Hmm

GrizzlyMacDuff · 03/01/2011 22:51

I do not see the point in posting in aibu if you don't like the answers you get. not everyone is going to agree with you, but clearly that is what you want! you post here, and people who disagree are being defensive? read the disclaimer why don't you.

Original poster
glitzalicious · 03/01/2011 22:52

mutznutz, it isn't 'wide open air'; there are glass partitions acting as a wind shield of sorts dividing banks of tables, which make the areas pretty enclosed. The smoke was going directly over my DS as the tables are very close together. The point is not that they smoke, or that they had a right to do so, it's that they felt their right was more important than my DS's right to eat his lunch (that he had already started tucking into before they arrived) without coughing his lungs up between mouthfuls, even when politely asked if they minded not doing it so close to him. It was not a 'designated smoking area', if it were I don't think the waitresses would be shepherding families there, and no other smokers had chosen to sit there. Funny, that

OP posts:
Remotew · 03/01/2011 22:53

Hang on baby was eating his lunch but you said you couldn't cancel the order, which is it.

Serendippy · 03/01/2011 22:54

Night night glitzy hope you find the answers you are looking for. Maybe try another forum? Just to reiterate,

YABU.

CURLYMAMMA · 03/01/2011 22:54

Its kinda tough shit. Smokers sit outside. I can see why its annoying to not get your own way but I think you are out of touch.

mutznutz · 03/01/2011 22:54

How could he eat his lunch snuggled up all warm in his pram though?

And also you said yourself...

"Thanks minimathsmouse, my DH was incredibly polite when he asked and they could have just moved their fags so that the smoke wasn't blowing in the baby's face;"

So if you would have been ok with them just moving their fags, why didn't you just move the pram instead????

scurryfunge · 03/01/2011 22:54

OP -go somewhere else....vote with your pram.

ZacharyQuack · 03/01/2011 22:56

Was he coughing his lungs up? Xmas Sad Poor wee thing, you'd better get him to to the Dr if he reacts so badly to a bit of smoke.

Or does he had a medical condition that you haven't mentioned yet? Xmas Hmm

ZacharyQuack · 03/01/2011 22:57

have fuckit.

Earthakitten · 03/01/2011 22:58

OP, I think you are getting a raw deal here.

In future, what I suggest you do is take a Master of Ceremonies with you wherever you go. Then he can command people to "All rise for his majesty the baby!"

Then you won't have any more of thees misunderstandings from commoners.

The impertinence!

Original poster
glitzalicious · 03/01/2011 22:59

Zacheryquack and newmum101, as stated in an earlier post my DH fetched the buggy from the car when we moved tables away from the heater. He'd been eating on his grandma's knee before then, so giving him a 'wee shove with my foot' wasn't an option; although next time I'll exercise my right to wheel a huge buggy into a relatively confined area, thereby ensuring that no one, smokers or not, can get a seat within a 5-metre radius of our table. Awesome.

OP posts:
A1980 · 03/01/2011 23:00

YABU

I am a non-smoker and let me make it clear, I HATE smoking, I can't stand the smell.

But we've already managed to secure the inside of every building, every form of public transport, every restaurant, every pub, etc, etc, etc. There is virtually nowhere left for smokers to smoke and TBH I cannot remember the last time i was inconvenienced by cigarette smoke accordingly.

Smokers only have the out doors and even then, precious people object to that so they can't even smoke outside without people having a go at them as you did. How many names did you call them in your first post? Who do you think you are?

If there wasn't a table inside, I would not have stayed and eaten outdoors in weather as freezing as this with a babe in arms. Also if you rarely see your mum, why on earth didn't you plan your day a bit better and book somewhere to sit inside and eat?

animula · 03/01/2011 23:00

It is PFB-itis, isn't it?

Sorry, OP, even though I used the term "PFB", I didn't put 2 + 2 together.

I had you down as one on those women who has a strong sense of entitlement. That used to go out, and scowl at the en-childed for daring defile public space with their noisome offspring, when everyone knows children are just a pain.

But it's PFB-itis. And that, although slightly bonkers, is, actually, rather sweet. It comes from the urge to protect, and utterly care for, your baby. Who really does need you to care for them.

And it does lead to some quite batty behaviour. But so what. It passes. And you will cringe. I know I do. But it really is a genuinely lovely thing.

So I still think YABU, but frankly, so what. I was too.

(If you are, actually one of those scary folk who just doesn't see why you should move your bag on public transport because, hell, can't people see it will crease you skirt, that's a different matter.)

Earthakitten · 03/01/2011 23:00

Where is this mythical child-friendly restaurant with barely any seating and no room for a buggy by the way? It sounds really up to the job.

StartingAfresh · 03/01/2011 23:00

LOL, - poor OP Sad

Look OP. Leave this thread, it's getting worse. Lick your wounds and come back another time.

You sound kinda ace and I'll look forward to getting in a ruck or arguing alongside you and your lovely descriptive posts in the near future.

But you're unlikely to win this one. The first thing that springs to mind is a giggle!

ZacharyQuack · 03/01/2011 23:01

Ok ok you win.

You're not being unreasonable at all and the earth will now commence to revolve around you and The Mighty Baby.