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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that some smokers are selfish f****?

380 replies

glitzalicious · 03/01/2011 21:23

so DH and I took my mum (who we rarely see for geographical reasons) and 9-month-old DS for lunch at a pricey restaurant in London today. It was freezing but there were no seats available inside, so at the suggestion of the waitress we sat at a table outside, near a patio heater, and ordered what looked set to be a very nice lunch.
A few minutes after we sat down, a woman in her 50s and her younger male companion came and sat on the table next to us, and both proceeded to light up cigarettes, inches from DS's face (the tables were extremely close together, and he was sitting on my mum's lap, happily eating his lunch). DH very politely asked the man if they would mind not smoking so close to the baby, to which he replied: "It's a free country". His leather-faced companion then gestured to a table at the other end of the al fresco area, with no heater anywhere near, and said: "Nobody's stopping you from moving". DH was quite stunned, and said: 'I think that's quite inconsiderate; it's really bad for the baby", and the bloke said: "I know", before shrugging his shoulders and turning back to his haggard old witch of a friend. I couldn't believe that people could be so selfish; to expect my DS (who had been sitting there before them) to either inhale all of their carcinogens (the fact the guy acknowledged that his habit was harmful to DC was quite shocking) or freeze, just so they could get their nicotine fix. Why the f* did they not move? We did get up and try to cancel our order; it was too late so we had to sit, completely freezing, in the heater-free zone. I have no axe to grind with smokers; if someone chooses to poison their own body it's no one's business but their own. But I would never think that others should suffer just so I could indulge a habit, and if someone were to ask me to stop doing something (talking too loudly in a restaurant etc) I would be so mortified at the prospect of impacting someone's enjoyment of their meal I would stop immediately, as they have just as much right to a nice lunch/dinner out as I do.
People always go on about a 'right to smoke': AIBU to think that right extends only to a smoker's home, or a child-free area? My blood is still boiling over those bastards!

OP posts:
Sirzy · 03/01/2011 22:28

I hate smoking and try to keep Ds away from
Smokey environments but I do think you were being unreasonable.

Tbh if I was told I had to eat outside in January with a baby with me
I would be going elsewhere!

animula · 03/01/2011 22:29

"People always go on about a 'right to smoke': AIBU to think that right extends only to a smoker's home, or a child-free area? My blood is still boiling over those bastards!"

I still think YABU. Properly, really, because you are not using your reason, in answer to your actual question.

But I really, really have to know the name of the restaurant.

It was cold today. I actually think that the restaurant should be named and shamed for not putting out more patio heaters. I, personally, think they sound U.

Remotew · 03/01/2011 22:29

Fellatio, but before the ban people smoked outside and it was still a pleasant experience, non?

minimathsmouse · 03/01/2011 22:30

Actually why should the outside tables just be for smokers. People like to sit outside for their own reasons. I like fresh air, cold or not.

Is there now some sort of law that says, inside is no smoking and outside is only smoking.

MrsRhettButler · 03/01/2011 22:30

oi! thats the only one i'm allowed right now, give it back!

StartingAfresh · 03/01/2011 22:31

LOL - Is this OP for real?

Some smokers are selfish, some non-smokers are selfish, and some non-smokers are bloody funny with their PFBness!

What's the geography of your mum got to do with anything? Why is that relevant to what the smokers did or didn't do?

curlymama · 03/01/2011 22:31

"I don't think a baby is any kind of 'trump card' and don't think people should have to listen to my DC screaming if I can't placate them. I would have taken him for a walk out of diners' earshot until he was happy again"

Maybe you would OP. But I bet that you waould take your baby for a walk in an effort to placate him for his benefit as much as for the other diners.

Remotew · 03/01/2011 22:32

Mini it's not it's for both, just don't sit there if you hate sitting next to smokers. Grin

minimathsmouse · 03/01/2011 22:33

About Eve, I smoke!!

Remotew · 03/01/2011 22:34

Me too and I wouldn't light up if I sat so close to a baby but people shouldn't expect everyone to think this way.

minimathsmouse · 03/01/2011 22:35

I smoke but I fully accept that it is both harmful to me and to others who beathe in 2nd hand smoke. I wouldn't dream of smoking over the top of a child, anyones child.

FellatioNelson · 03/01/2011 22:36

AboutEve few people smoked outside then -now everyone does. That's the difference.

Original poster
glitzalicious · 03/01/2011 22:36

"It is V simple Fuzzy...she should have put her child before her need to eat at that particular place".

Love that people chime in on people's parenting when they don't have a clue what they're talking about... DS was perfectly happy, and very warm in his stroller with baby cocoon that my DH went and fetched from the car when we had to move, but thanks for your concern. The fact that the place is known locally as a family-friendly restaurant surely means that all the 'breeders' that go there between the months of October and April are selfish bastards, as most of them sit outside (with heaters that are all usually in working order). Again, I'm sure your parenting skills are infinitely superior to theirs, so you should feel pretty fantastic about yourself Hmm

OP posts:
minimathsmouse · 03/01/2011 22:36

Sad really that the world is full of people so selfish that they can not forgo a fag for the length of time it takes to drink a coffee. They would prefer to blow smoke over someones child.

mayorquimby · 03/01/2011 22:38

"Actually why should the outside tables just be for smokers. People like to sit outside for their own reasons. I like fresh air, cold or not.

Is there now some sort of law that says, inside is no smoking and outside is only smoking."

I'd imagine it's because the bars and restaurants have designated these areas as being areas where patrons are allowed to smoke. If you sit there then there's a chance someone will smoke near you.
There's no law saying outside is smoking only, I'd imagine any restaurant or bar could decide that they want their outside areas to be smoke but I doubt any will and so if the restaurant has designated it as a smoking area then it's perfectly reasonable for patrins to smoke there.

harverina · 03/01/2011 22:38

No the smokers were spread out a bit. Now they are squashed in tiny patios!
Look, I know its Shit that smokers have to sit outside. But come on, surely no one really thinks the op is being unreasonable for being pissed off at the couple smoking next to her baby?!

mutznutz · 03/01/2011 22:39

My parenting skills have nothing to do with the fact I wouldn't sit in the cold with a baby in a smoking area just because the restaurant suited ME.

That's common sense...not good parenting but thanks for the compliment Grin

prettyfly1 · 03/01/2011 22:40

I am sure it is a family friendly restaurant - inside. You must admit that whining about smoke on a freezing january day brings your priorities in to question. PS I repeat my earlier comment. Dont post on AIBU if you dont like being disagreed with. And I dont believe that anyone called parents who take their children to any restaurant selfish bastards. That sort of language has been reserved for you exclusively whilst describing smokers.

minimathsmouse · 03/01/2011 22:40

Amazing also that Glitz is being attacked for staying outside with a child. Dear god, kids should be indoor with the heating whacked up. Never took mine out on a cold day Confused

Children benefit from fresh air and as long as they are wrapped u, what harm will come of them, unless some selfish prat smokes over them.

prettyfly1 · 03/01/2011 22:43

yes mini - thats right - nothing like the good fresh air in central london - mmmmmmmm. Bet it did the baby the power of good. snort.

Serendippy · 03/01/2011 22:43

haverina I think if the OP had been 'AIBU to be a bit put out that smokers, given the choice of 100 warm tables near heaters, came and sat next to my baby and smoked all over him' she would have had a very different response. All things being equal, most smokers would not have chosen to sit near the baby, however with the broken heaters, all things were not equal. It is OP's attitude that has rubbed everyone up the wrong way, her superiority complex and abusive responses to people who do not agree with her.

mutznutz · 03/01/2011 22:44

How can you smoke OVER a baby in the wide open air...that's what I don't get?

How is it selfish anyway considering it's not going to do the baby one iota of harm...unless the couple chain smoked and blew every puff into the baby's face?

I just think there's an air of drama queen about the whole thing. The OP asked if she's being unreasonable and the majority on this thread thinks she is...so there's her answer.

Original poster
glitzalicious · 03/01/2011 22:44

minimathsmouse, my point exactly. And the vitriolic posts in support of the selfishness are pretty depressing, too. The title thread refers to 'some smokers', not all: some drinkers are selfish, as are some drivers etc, but the majority are not. It's only smoking that attracts this level of defensiveness, though, and repetition of the 'it's my right, innit' mantra ad nauseam. FOREST have a lot to answer for!

OP posts:
debtfreeandproud · 03/01/2011 22:44

"Add message | Report | Message poster minimathsmouse Mon 03-Jan-11 22:36:47
Sad really that the world is full of people so selfish that they can not forgo a fag for the length of time it takes to drink a coffee. They would prefer to blow smoke over someones child."

Searching my memory banks here but I used to smoke many, many years ago and as I recall having a cigarette was the perfect compliment to a coffee.

debtfreeandproud · 03/01/2011 22:45

Mind you, it would be lovely if some people were able to forgo their PFBitis for the length of time it takes for someone to smoke a fag Wink

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