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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In wanting to get married, just DP & I?

185 replies

Hammy02 · 03/01/2011 13:37

My partner & I want to get married abroad, just the 2 of us and have a party for friends and family when we get back. My partner is on a good wage but we are trying to save for a deposit for our first house and can't justify spending thousands on a wedding. Has anyone else done this? I don't think my mum would ever forgive me.

OP posts:
MsKLo · 03/01/2011 22:43

Could cinpin be Spikeycow's alter ego?!

Hilarious!

Now I really am laughing my ass off!

spikeycow · 03/01/2011 22:44

Thanks. You are now on my good list. I don't get personal first, ever.

spikeycow · 03/01/2011 22:45

MsKlo stop the hysterics now luvaduck. You'll do yerself an injury

cinpin · 03/01/2011 22:49

alter ego? you really do not make much sense

spikeycow · 03/01/2011 22:50

I think she's hallucinating

earwicga · 03/01/2011 22:59

MsKLo meant sock puppet, which you know very well.

Pack it in, both you and MsKLo are good Mumsnetters. I like reading both of your comments and ways of seeing things. But not so keen with the ripping shit out of each other. I could watch TV for that type of thing.

spikeycow · 03/01/2011 23:04

It all started at 19.18 on a quite cold winters evening...

earwicga · 03/01/2011 23:08

LOL!

And spikeycow, I don't for one minute think you would reject your children if they married without you being present.

A1980 · 03/01/2011 23:09

One of my friends did exactly that. They did it while on holiday and kept it secret from everyone.

She said they are very private people and it was far more intense to have just the two of them in the registry office excahning vows. She said it was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. She was of the view that marriage is a heavy commitment to spending the rest of your life with someone rather than spending thousands on a party for guests.

One thing I will say is that their parents were a bit upset when they found out...... that's something you may have to factor in.

spikeycow · 03/01/2011 23:09

Oh we're back to my actual name now are we eh Grin

earwicga · 03/01/2011 23:10

Damn! Forgot Grin

MsKLo · 03/01/2011 23:28

Thanks earwigca :)

Original poster
Hammy02 · 04/01/2011 17:41

Thank you for all your (mostly kind) comments. I think I'll probably go for the cheap wedding in the UK option. I would hate that what should be a wonderful time would be so tainted by upsetting my family.

OP posts:
Adversecamber · 04/01/2011 17:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Go · 04/01/2011 19:15

It's a shame this thread has been hijacked by someone with a big chip on her shoulder (money-obsessed, big-time).

"My image of a wedding is a registry office, crammed with friends and family. Then a big piss up, with children running around, no separate evening do, or levels of invite. Not all posh, just a good day celebrating with everyone."

  • you see that's my idea of hell. Lots of blokes with tattoos fighting and throwing Iceland party food at one another. Nice. And I'm not even slightly posh or middle class, before you start ranting about inheritance again (yawn). My DH and I don't like to be the centre of attention, and would have felt embarrassed at having to say vows etc in front of everyone. And we haven't cut off our families - we see them and love them just the same as we always did. I wouldn't want all my family and friends at the births of my DCs, or in bed with us at night - some things are just for the 2 people involved.

Good luck with your piss-ups and making your children feel they owe you. Seriously, good luck with that.

Go · 04/01/2011 19:17

Hammy02 take no notice of those who say you have to share your day with all and sundry. Do whatever makes the two of you happy. After all, any parent worth their salt wants what makes their child happy surely? (with one or two notable exceptions, clearly Grin)

earwicga · 04/01/2011 19:36

Go - that is my idea of a good party. No airs and graces from people like you. Nice stereotypes you bring up though - hope you share that attitude with your kids, it's sure to do them well in their futures.

FWIW - I have no idea what the inheritance thing was about.

usualsuspect · 04/01/2011 19:39

' you see that's my idea of hell. Lots of blokes with tattoos fighting and throwing Iceland party food at one another'

and you draw that conclusion from where?

perfectstorm · 04/01/2011 19:40

I wish we'd done that, tbh.

perfectstorm · 04/01/2011 19:41

Erm - that was to the OP.

spikeycow · 04/01/2011 20:17

My children do owe me. They owe me respect. Anyone who thinks otherwise is Confused
I can see why you'd want to keep yourself to yourself though Smile

chipmonkey · 04/01/2011 20:47

My sister just did this. She and her dp told My Mum and her ILs that they were going to get married, did it in secret and then told them and the rest of us after the deed was done. My Mum didn't seem too put out but then, she never expected that my dsis and her dp would get married so it wasn't much of a loss. In all honesty, they don't particularly believe in marriage which they see as a piece of paper which in no way represents their love for one another and their reasons for marrying were purely legal. If your sons also held that belief, spikeycow, would you really be upset at not being there. If, in their minds, it was no different from signing up for a mortgage? Dsis and her dp meant no disrespect to anyone, it's just what they wanted to do.

lady007pink · 04/01/2011 20:50

We had a big wedding back in 1996, and no way would I do it that way again - I would definitely do it like OP if I could turn the clock back.

spikeycow · 04/01/2011 20:55

I wouldn't be upset if neither bride or groom gave a shit. But my boys are used to family and friends weddings and being included so I'm just assuming that'll influence them. If not, and it's a genuine 20 minute registry thing then whatevs. I wouldn't want my sons keeping it secret though, because how would I know the other lot weren't there? I'd also be peed off majorly if they only didn't want me there under brides influence. That happens to people. That's where respect comes in

chipmonkey · 04/01/2011 21:16

I think, in my dsis's case, she and her dp already knew they would always be together, they have been together for 12 years and their getting married had more to do with tax credits and mortgages than it did to do with love, which they already had in spades!Grin And it was all I could do to get my sister into a bridesmaids dress and make-up on our wedding day, so a traditional wedding wasn't really on the cards.

It did help that I had a mahoosive big wedding so my Mum got it out of her system then. She invited some people I hadn't seen since I was a baby!Confused

Hopefully at least one of your boys will give you a reason to buy a new hat, spikey!Grin