Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Original poster

In wanting to get married, just DP & I?

185 replies

Hammy02 · 03/01/2011 13:37

My partner & I want to get married abroad, just the 2 of us and have a party for friends and family when we get back. My partner is on a good wage but we are trying to save for a deposit for our first house and can't justify spending thousands on a wedding. Has anyone else done this? I don't think my mum would ever forgive me.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 03/01/2011 18:55

'How can someone have a wedding their mother "can't go to".'

Because they don't want a mother like you interfering, perhaps?

Or they feel that a wedding is a binding promise between two people and so want to keep it at that.

Or they are private people who want to share it between the two of them.

Lots of reasons.

That aren't really any of my business.

If it were any of mine I'd be happy to hear about it, would like to see video/photos and offer my congratulations.

spikeycow · 03/01/2011 18:56

If your mother loved you through life you do the same back. You don't cut off everyone you know suddenly

expatinscotland · 03/01/2011 18:56

'Thankfully, I'm working class and all my mates have brilliant weddings, children are welcome, parents are welcome obviously, there is none of this rejecting people. It's all about community'

What's that got to do with it? My DH is a semi-literate minibus driver from a council estate and we eloped.

We're still close to both sides of our families.

spikeycow · 03/01/2011 18:57

It's not interfering to want to be at your childs wedding. It's normal

expatinscotland · 03/01/2011 18:57

'If your mother loved you through life you do the same back. You don't cut off everyone you know suddenly'

How is it cutting her off if you elope? Cutting her off would be, 'Mum, we can't talk anymore, ever.'

This is a 20-minute legal agreement between two people.

expatinscotland · 03/01/2011 18:58

Wanting to and cutting them off if you're not there are two different things.

bluebump · 03/01/2011 18:58

YANBU, this is how i'd do it. I think my parents would be fine about it, DPs maybe not.

spikeycow · 03/01/2011 18:58

Class has everything to do with it. I've never heard of no children weddings till I came on Mumsnet

RubyRoseRed · 03/01/2011 19:00

Do it!! I recently got married and spent ages planning the perfect wedding for us, our families and friends. My mum ruined it! I wish I could do it all over again.

GO with what whatever will mean the most to you and your partner.

spikeycow · 03/01/2011 19:00

OK what if all the brides family were there. Or just her parents? Would that be OK, to snub one half and not the other? Because it's their day?

expatinscotland · 03/01/2011 19:01

'Class has everything to do with it. '

Um, okay.

earwicga · 03/01/2011 19:02

Oh, and my parents are both working class and they eloped too. spikeycow - you have entitlement issues. And are wrong about class.

AuntiePickleBottom · 03/01/2011 19:04

do it, once my relationship gets back on track we are having a simple wedding....registeryoffice then to the local pub with a homemade buffet and a few drinks.

not doing favours and bridesmaid ect
it going to cost £1000, and thats for everything

atswimtwolengths · 03/01/2011 19:06

It's not that our children owe us anything, it the fact that they don't want their own mother there at such a huge event (emotionally.)

I have read enough about the toxic mums on here to know that not everyone has parents who should be invited to a wedding. In many cases I'd want to keep away from them for good.

The thing is though that if my children didn't invite me to their weddings, I would think that they saw me as one of those toxic mums. I could never get past that - that they wanted to marry and deliberately chose not to invite me.

It is different if they tell you in advance that they are going abroad to get married alone - that's completely different. But here, they have to have a witness, so why would they ask someone other than their mum to do that?

I think the world of my children and if they married without telling me, there could be no clearer way of telling me that that was not reciprocated.

AuntiePickleBottom · 03/01/2011 19:06

just to add, i would support my kids on whatever the wanted to do, but if they wanted just to go to the registery office i may bribe them with a promise of me paying for a nice meal after the legal part

TrappedinSuburbia · 03/01/2011 19:08

Spikeycow, its not that they don't want you, its about what they want for themselves.
If I were ever to get married I don't think I could be fussed with a big wedding, it would be registry office and back to business as usual for me, it would be to avoid all the pomp of the ceremony etc, not a reflection on my feelings for my mum.

expatinscotland · 03/01/2011 19:08

It's not a huge emotional event to all people. For many, it's simply a legality.

spikeycow · 03/01/2011 19:08

No entitlement issues. I appreciate family and friends, and think I'm very normal. And I'm not wrong about class, or why have none of my friends hid weddings from everyone else? It would be unheard of.
And would it be OK to only fuck the grooms side off and not the brides? If the argument stands up that the bride and groom can do whatever they want, would that be OK? If both families were nice people, would it be OK to only snub one half?

TrappedinSuburbia · 03/01/2011 19:13

Obviously weddings are a big deal to you and thats normal as well.
Its just not the same for everyone.
And no, I don't think it would be acceptable to invite one side and not the other (unless there were issues), that would definetly be a slap in the face.

MsKLo · 03/01/2011 19:18

Blimey Spikeycow
What planet are you on with your ranting posts? Please OP ignore this silly woman and do what you want - I am sure your families will wish you the best and enjoy the party when you get back.

Spikeycow - you are the kind Of MIL that people dread having - you are not entitled to anything from your sons - I wool love to hear about your views on your entitlements as a grandma as I bet they are equally demanding!

earwicga · 03/01/2011 19:24

I'm getting images of Pauline Fowler when I read spikeycow's comments.

Spot on MsKlo!

spikeycow · 03/01/2011 19:25

That is complete bollocks. You might think it's OK to treat your family like shit but I don't! Says a lot about your upbringing doesn't it you stupid selfish woman.

spikeycow · 03/01/2011 19:27

You are just me me me me me until it's time to inherit

spikeycow · 03/01/2011 19:30

And LOL at not being entitled to anything from the children you've raised. My children are grateful to me now, and always will be. They are 11 and 7. Very shameful of you to believe you don't have to give your parents the time of day! Yet I have a sense of entitlement!

AuntiePickleBottom · 03/01/2011 19:30

it's not treating your family like shit, because a person wants a low key wedding with no guest.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

Swipe left for the next trending thread