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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In wanting to get married, just DP & I?

185 replies

Hammy02 · 03/01/2011 13:37

My partner & I want to get married abroad, just the 2 of us and have a party for friends and family when we get back. My partner is on a good wage but we are trying to save for a deposit for our first house and can't justify spending thousands on a wedding. Has anyone else done this? I don't think my mum would ever forgive me.

OP posts:
RockChick1984 · 03/01/2011 19:32

My best friend is getting married abroad in the summer, she explained to everyone that it's the wedding she really wants however they can't afford to pay for people to go. She has made it clear to all (close friends and family) that she would love them to be there however they will have to pay for themselves, but that she wouldn't expect wedding presents off them. No-one has been bothered by this, most people she wants there are going. I can't, but wouldn't be going anyway as it'll involve a long haul flight and I'm due to give birth 3 months before the wedding so wouldn't go even if she had offered to pay for me! Anyone else who is not going are more than happy as they were invited so cannot complain. If your reluctance to invite people is based on money, could u not do somethin like this? I don't know anyone who has got married abroad and paid for all the guests to be there! Xxx

spikeycow · 03/01/2011 19:34

OP do what you want. It's all about you, you don't have to consider anyone else EVER, as long as you're happy. Never mind your mum or anyone else. Welcome to Mumsnet

MsKLo · 03/01/2011 19:37

Lmao at spikeycows rants!

Yes because you know exactly how I am with my family don't you?!

I am glad my children will be bought up with love and not have to feel guilty about living their life as they want.

Of course I would love to be at their weddings but if they want to go off and do a private ceremony and then celebrate with us when they get back I will be happy for them to do what they want!

Get a grip Spikeycow!

LMAO!

SkyBluePearl · 03/01/2011 19:38

we did and no one complained. I didn't want the stress or to be centre of attention really and had to get married on a budget anyway. mum and MIL had seen my brothers/SIL's have big white weddings and showed little interest in us getting married. we are not that close to any of our families anyway after our isolating childhoods. relatives are all very religious and were just glad we were married and not 'living in sin' anymore.

ChaoticAngelofAnarchy · 03/01/2011 19:40

Personally, I'd rather my children put the money towards a deposit then spend it on a wedding.

I can see spikeycow's dil(s) on here in the future complaining about the mil with a huge sense of entitlement Hmm

Oh, and it's not a class thing spikeycow. Just because none of your family and friends have got married without anyone there doesn't mean other w/c people haven't.

spikeycow · 03/01/2011 19:40

You said your children owe you nothing. So you don't believe in respect, considering others feelings or any of that then obviously. I'm not bringing my children up that way, so lets see who's laughing in 10 years time!!

spikeycow · 03/01/2011 19:41

Why is it entitlement to see your child married? It's NORMAL.

MsKLo · 03/01/2011 19:45

Whatever Spikeycow

Or should I say nastycow...

talk to the hand cause the face don't want to know! laughing my ass off so hard at your bile!

MsKLo · 03/01/2011 19:46

Your pOor children and their poor future partners...

spikeycow · 03/01/2011 19:47

I bet your kids are like that brat who was all over the internet tantruming that he got a book for Christmas! While his parents laughed at him. My boys aren't like that Smile

spikeycow · 03/01/2011 19:49

Actually your posts are getting a bit hysterical. Are you OK. Cut down on the !!!!!!

ReindeerBollocks · 03/01/2011 19:52

I understand (I think) what spikey is trying to say is that a child/parent relationship should want to please one another and share in the joy of a wedding.

This reason alone is why some people do the opposite. Take comfort if the fact that your family get on Spikey.

I personally feel that a marriage is essentially about a couples individual commitment to each other - so perfectly acceptable to get married alone.

However, some people do view it as a family occasion and the joining of two families - this is normally where upset/ tension is when couples do get hitched in secret.

I wish we had decided to do it alone before we booked everything, but now I know I have the best of both, and am not going to fall out with any family members.

MsKLo · 03/01/2011 19:53

Oh lmao

Ok dearie if it makes you better to keep ranting and imagining my children as spOilt brats go ahead!

PoOr dearie...!

Lol

spikeycow · 03/01/2011 19:55

Sort of RB, yes. That if everyone gets on, sees each other regularly etc, then why not invite to your wedding? Unless there is a lack of money. I don't necesarily view it as a joining of the families, but as a celebration of their new life together

spikeycow · 03/01/2011 19:56

Another hysterical post from you. Mental health is thataway--

whoknowswhatthefutureholds · 03/01/2011 19:58

I would be sad to miss my children's weddings. But wouldn't let them know...is that ok Grin.

spikeycow · 03/01/2011 19:58

And "dearie"? Is this Corrie now? Sort yourself out and stop being odd

Xenia · 03/01/2011 19:58

You can have a very cheap wedding in a curch with a reception at home which costs much less than going abroad to do it so don't use cost as the excuse. Indeed in some churches if you are very poor they won't charge you.

omnietyinstables · 03/01/2011 20:00

dh and I got married with just his mother and a good friend of mine and the dcs. It was lovely - exactly what we wanted. Lowkey and very romantic.

A year later we had a big (yet cheapish) party and invited everyone. Noone was pissed off in any way - people were really happy for us - happy to see us so happy in fact, isnt that what its all about? Being married and making that commitment - not how you do it or what the wedding itself is like?

expatinscotland · 03/01/2011 20:00

Yep, Pauline Fowler. I can see it now.

Mine are 7, 5 and 2. Quite frankly, I have no idea how they'll turn out so I don't bother with 'my kids will never be like that'.

They may not want to get married at all. In which case, I'll support that decision, too.

And I don't see my bringing them up as a contract of obligation on their part. My love is unconditional and eternal.

expatinscotland · 03/01/2011 20:02

You can also marry in a church with no guests if that is your chosing.

mozette · 03/01/2011 20:04

Spikeycow - would you want to be there when your children visit the lawyer to sort out wills etc? To many a wedding is a much quicker and cheaper way to sort out legal issues. Its a 20 minute meeting with a registrar FFS! Are you going to demand that you are there when the register the birth of your grandchildren too?

omnietyinstables · 03/01/2011 20:05

Its actually really lovely to focus on you both and not have to worry about guests and all that planning and who's not talking to whom and whether the flowers/catering/entertainment/photographer will go ok etc - thats all part of the wedding industry and not something that everyone feels the need to buy into. Of course lots of people do and thats fine but its not for everyone.

lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs · 03/01/2011 20:06

We did this in caribean was best thing ever go for it :)

spikeycow · 03/01/2011 20:06

As is mine. But I want them to be decent men at the end of it, not have the "me me me" attitude all the time