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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dh going on the wagon - yet again - after ruining christmas and new year

93 replies

shedsleeper · 02/01/2011 13:53

he was on the wagon since the summer. all well and happy - one glip in november
and again since 21st december.
permanently pissed, unreasoanble - ruining chrismtas.
now refusing to get out of bed - -so whats new - says he is giving up the booze.

some words of wisdom needed here.
i am trying and trying not to think about him and his drinking. i have asked him to leave.
he feels of course it is my fault -i have a bad attitude towards his drinking - he shoudl be able to drink - plainly he can't.

OP posts:
SantasENormaSnob · 02/01/2011 13:56

Yabu to put up with this shit.

Do you have dcs? If so get him out.

Ime no father is better than an alcoholic one.

Original poster
shedsleeper · 02/01/2011 13:56

i know -
so how?
he wont physically go

OP posts:
Original poster
shedsleeper · 02/01/2011 13:58

actually maybe this should be in the AIBU

OP posts:
Original poster
shedsleeper · 02/01/2011 13:58

shouldnt of course

OP posts:
Aims80 · 02/01/2011 13:59

Pack him some bags. Do you know any of his family? Can they help you get him to go? Maybe stay with them for a bit?

Original poster
shedsleeper · 02/01/2011 14:00

did ring his db yesterday - but no reply - did put his db on the phone to him the other day - too upset - i dont know what was said.

how can i rise about it
i have started a diary - which i left out for him to find - but then of course did not want dcs to find.

OP posts:
ManateeEquineOhara · 02/01/2011 14:00

My ex was alcoholic. It killed him eventually. His GF found him dead on the bathroom floor having knocked the loo off the wall as he fell. People offered him help and this continued, you do not want to be finding him like my ex's GF :(

He needs to stop drinking and that has to be his choice/effort not you. I would definitely recommend making him go. I know a friend who called the police when her ex wouldn't physically leave.

So sorry to here your Christmas has been ruined, but get him out and that way it will just be Christmas and not your life :(

Original poster
shedsleeper · 02/01/2011 14:01

i fear he is using being ill as an excuse - he was ill prior to 21st december - but this isnt just being ill.

OP posts:
ManateeEquineOhara · 02/01/2011 14:01

hear

Original poster
shedsleeper · 02/01/2011 14:02

thank you manatee -Sad

OP posts:
HaveAHappyNewJung · 02/01/2011 14:02

Next time he goes out (to buy more booze maybe?) change the locks?

DooinMeCleanin · 02/01/2011 14:02

I wouldn't imediately give up on my marriage tbh. How is he when he is not drinking?

I think the first step would be to get him professional help. WOuld he go to the GP to be refered for addiction counselling and would he join AA?

ManateeEquineOhara · 02/01/2011 14:02

Being ill is a reason to look after your body!? Not drink! BTW, it was when my ex was trying to stop but kept restarting that it killed him, it is so dangerous.

Original poster
shedsleeper · 02/01/2011 14:04

i wish him dead at times.

thanks doo -

once/if he is sober i could suggest aa, but he hasnt been sober since 20th december

OP posts:
mamatomany · 02/01/2011 14:05

Kick the bugger out, ruined Christmas' will stay in your child/ren's memories for a long term, more than any day to day stuff.
Agree with changing the locks. Put his stuff n bin bags on the door step and tell he might be able to come back when he proves himself.

SantasENormaSnob · 02/01/2011 14:06

Dooin, have you ever lived with an alcoholic like the one in the op? There is no marriage whilst in the grips of an alcohol addiction and the dcs need to come first.

Op, perhaps post in relationships?

mamatomany · 02/01/2011 14:06

long time not term, sorry.

ManateeEquineOhara · 02/01/2011 14:06

I used to wish my ex dead sometimes :s

I don't think you can wait for him to become sober because you could be waiting a long time. I know how crap it feels to have an alcoholic in the house. It is harmful to yourself and to your DCs.

Original poster
shedsleeper · 02/01/2011 14:07

i think one thread is more than enough

OP posts:
HaveAHappyNewJung · 02/01/2011 14:08

OMG manatee how awful :(

I think people who drink sometimes need to reach their own personal 'rock bottom' before turning their lives around. DH was an alcoholic long before I knew him (now perfectly normal IYSWIM so there is hope for your DH) - and with him it was just a sudden realisation that the booze was slowing him down. He was running for a train, very simple but that's when he stopped. You need to work out what would make your DH have that realisation.

ManateeEquineOhara · 02/01/2011 14:09

I think you kicking him out could be that realisation. And if not - at least you will be doing the right thing for your children.

Original poster
shedsleeper · 02/01/2011 14:10

does he ever drink now jung - do you?

i think christmas was a worrying time for him - the family and the booze and whatnot

OP posts:
ManateeEquineOhara · 02/01/2011 14:10

And yeah, it was awful. Alcohol addiction is evil :(

DooinMeCleanin · 02/01/2011 14:10

No I haven't but I have seen close friends and family suffer from it. I'm not saying the op should continue living with him while he is like this, but if the relationship is fine when he is sober then I wouldn't be so quick to throw my marriage away.

Op - Does he have any family he is close to who would come round and talk to him for you or who he could stay with while he is fighting this?

theevildead2 · 02/01/2011 14:10

Kick him out. Change the locks when he next goes out for a drink. If he was getting help for himself you would need to try a bit (at least for a while) but if he is blaming you and doesn't see he has a problem why let himn ruin yours and your children's lives.