dh going on the wagon - yet again - after ruining christmas and new year

[shedsleeper]

he was on the wagon since the summer. all well and happy - one glip in november
and again since 21st december.
permanently pissed, unreasoanble - ruining chrismtas.
now refusing to get out of bed - -so whats new - says he is giving up the booze.

some words of wisdom needed here.
i am trying and trying not to think about him and his drinking. i have asked him to leave.
he feels of course it is my fault -i have a bad attitude towards his drinking - he shoudl be able to drink - plainly he can't.

Agree with Lady. Having his name on the tenancy doesn't give him the right to be emotionally abusive in that home.

Agree with Valhalla ( as usual)

OP, its going to be really hard, but within this terrible situation you DO have choices and those choices CAN determine your family's future.

My Dad is an alcoholic and until my parents eventually split ( I was 18 ) I had a terrible childhood, utterly defined by episodes like the Christmas you describe.

Now, almost 20 years later, I am still angry that my Mum tried to make the relationship work and did not take steps to leave him or have him leave us.

I've never told my mum how I feel, But I do know that I would not make the same mistake with my DD should I find myself in your situation.

Wishing you strength and a peaceful 2011.

Mrs M x

Also if he is having a go at the kids it is abuse and police will be willing to remove as a matter of child protection.

Mrs M also has a point- in my case it was my mum that had the problem and my poor dad tried all sorts to help her ... Holidays, new house, new car, puppy,supported her when she left her job ...

She ended up going missing and eventually the police found her and dragged her home (we thought she was dead) the next day my dad managed to orchestrate an intervention with the GP,rehab workers, policeand an ambulance who took her away.

Good points have been made here all round OP.

Just one thing I'd like to say in regards to alcohol being an ilness.

I think it is an illness and like any illness I would expect my partner to make every effort to get better. If Dh and I had chidren and he was suddenly diagnosed with cancer and refused treatment because it'll go away on its own or not that big of a deal.. I would leave him. I would not force myself or children to watch him get worse.

thanks for all your messages.
very much appreciated.

Best of luck shed x

Does he have a job? Has been been missing that?

I agree with others have to find a way to explain its you or the drink but he can't have both. Therefore as he has been pissed for 2 weeks and has ruining xmas for everyone he has to leave.

He's unlikely to change.

that so many of us have history like this really. OP's story brings it all back.

It was a pride thing with my mum I think. She always had our best intentions at heart, but placed her vows ahead of that.

Interestingly, some 20 years later my Dad is still drinking and has just had his 2nd leg removed. eurgh, he was never ever going to stop, despite all my Mum's efforts.

I grew up with an alcoholic father and DV.
My mother always made excuses for him.
He is dead now but the memories never fade.
Although it was my dad that caused the problems - I feel more let down by my mum.

Don't let your DC down.

You sound like you are ready to move on - I genuinely wish you well for the future.

i have to turn computer off now - but will come back to this for reassurance

Take care of yourself and your children Shed. Good luck and stay strong.

OP, I asked my husband to leave in August and he moved out in September for very similar reasons. My husband drinks in excess every day and was a miserable fucker who contributed nothing to family life other than going to work.

Our home was tense in the run up to him coming home from work, he was never happy with the scene that greeted him (3 lovely kids and the associated mahem), nothing was ever good enough.

In April we moved house and he said he was going to change. He didn't. It wasn't the first time that he didn't deliver. I don't know why that time was different but a switch flipped and I thought I can not do this any more.

My eldest is 9 and he has spent half his child hood living with an alcoholic. It wasn't right. It had to end.

On the plus side, I have never been happier, the children have astounded me. And the icing on the cake is that I have a new man who is brill with the kids, generous and kind and patient with me (getting a new man was not what splitting up with my husband was about but it has happened and I vowed never to waste another minute considering my husband as he has been the focus of my life for far toolong and now it is about me and the kids).

Good luck! You will get there in your own time but please think aout what you really, really want for you and your children. The whole separating process is far worse in theory than it is in reality.

Many towns have Law Centres where you can get some free legal advise from volunteers or some CAB's have a similar service.

If you can tell us which county you are in I will try and find one local to you. Also, can you say what sort of rented accomodation you are in (local authority, housing association, private - Assured Shorthold Tenancy)? It might make a difference to what you can and can't do with regard to getting him out whilst remaining there yourself.

Sorry to ask for info, I'm not trying to out you, just get you the appropriate information

Good luck Shed, do update.