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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

dh going on the wagon - yet again - after ruining christmas and new year

93 replies

shedsleeper · 02/01/2011 13:53

he was on the wagon since the summer. all well and happy - one glip in november
and again since 21st december.
permanently pissed, unreasoanble - ruining chrismtas.
now refusing to get out of bed - -so whats new - says he is giving up the booze.

some words of wisdom needed here.
i am trying and trying not to think about him and his drinking. i have asked him to leave.
he feels of course it is my fault -i have a bad attitude towards his drinking - he shoudl be able to drink - plainly he can't.

OP posts:
Original poster
shedsleeper · 02/01/2011 14:30

they are teenagers, and a 10 year old.
tis crap, when he has a go, or rambles on to them bout stuff.
i know he can't drink. he can't have just one. he was giong to buy a bottle of wine last night, of course it wouldnt be one, this was about 9 in the evening.
the shop was shut - i had a bottle of red given to me as a present - i refused to let him have it.

why can;t he beleive he can't drink sensibly?

OP posts:
TheLittleRaccoon · 02/01/2011 14:31

Agree with every word Valhalla said.

TheLittleRaccoon · 02/01/2011 14:32
miniwedge · 02/01/2011 14:32

Bollocks to what Valhalla said, the op is not being passive, she has asked him to leave, he is physically refusing. She is now here asking foe help.

Give it to her, don't kick her when she is down.

Original poster
shedsleeper · 02/01/2011 14:32

i will try womans aid or somethign then, or his db

OP posts:
compo · 02/01/2011 14:33

It's even worse if you have teenagers and a 10 year old
do you really want them emulating his behaviour?

expatinscotland · 02/01/2011 14:33

he can't drink sensibly because he's an alcoholic, shed.

miniwedge · 02/01/2011 14:33

Seriously op, please call womens aid, ask for practical advice.

Original poster
shedsleeper · 02/01/2011 14:34

yes - i have tried to tell ds this is What drink does

OP posts:
miniwedge · 02/01/2011 14:34

Op isn't asking why he can't drink sensibly, she is asking why HE doesn't realise he can't drink drink sensibly.

Original poster
shedsleeper · 02/01/2011 14:35

thanks for letting me off load

OP posts:
compo · 02/01/2011 14:35

Because alcholism is an addictive illness

TheLittleRaccoon · 02/01/2011 14:36

Well who cares why he doesn't realise he can't drink sensibly? What difference does it make? She's still wasting energy trying to analyse him.

SantasENormaSnob · 02/01/2011 14:37

An alcoholic cannot drink sensibly.

As the daughter of one, I feel strongly about what your children are having to put up with.

ManateeEquineOhara · 02/01/2011 14:37

Vallhala - she does seem to be trying to get him out, but she can't physically drag him out, hence her asking for advice here.

maryz · 02/01/2011 14:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ladyofthehousespeaking · 02/01/2011 14:39

Get him out. Phone the police, pack him a bag, change the locks. The police will escort him away.

As a child of an alcoholic parent you must take the reigns and get him out, no more dithering, no more excuses.

Please don't let your Dcs see him like this anymore, it's not your fault but it is you're responsibility to make these changes now.

miniwedge · 02/01/2011 14:40

Op is trying to analyse him because she is trying to make sense of how she and her kids ended up here. That's normal when a relationship is on crisis.

Shed- call womens aid, call his brother too and tell him he needs to get him out, there is no shame in asking for help.

piratecatClaus · 02/01/2011 14:42

lady speaks words of help.

I think you have to ring the police, it would be the only way to get him out of the house.

He is being emotionally abusive to you all. Who knows where it could lead.

Does anyone know if the police will take this seriously? Will they take him away. Where will they take him?

Does op have a right to change the locks if they are joint tenants?

op needs practical help and steps.

miniwedge · 02/01/2011 14:43

The police can't remove him unless he is being aggressive, his name is on the tenancy as well. They can't act in a civil matter.

miniwedge · 02/01/2011 14:43

No she can't change the locks.

Ladyofthehousespeaking · 02/01/2011 14:44

If a partner is being abusive the police have the power to remove him from the home and prevent him fro
returning for 24 hours- to give you thinking space and decide your next steps.

(the police dis this for my family 7 years ago now x

Vallhala · 02/01/2011 14:46

Manatee, I'm sure that Shed can't physically drag him out. That's why I suggested changing the locks when he leaves the house, locking him out with the key/bolt on the inside or asking a couple of big male friends to help him pack while she is out... how they do the asking dependant on whether he refuses to pack or not. If that means that they physically remove him, so be it.

I'm not kicking the OP when she's down, I'm trying to kick her up the arse to make her see what she is allowing her DC to live with, that it is not morally right to do so and suggesting that she takes desperate measures to remove him if need be rather than merely "asking" him to leave or calling his DB, which clearly isn't working.

Sorry for slow reply, E key is missing!

Ladyofthehousespeaking · 02/01/2011 14:46

Also- I'm assuming the children are off school at the mo so now would be a good time to leave withthem so as to minimize disruption to schooling etc

miniwedge · 02/01/2011 14:46

Yes but I'm not sure that lying in bed and refusing to leave will be seen as a police matter. Shed you can call the local police number and ask for advice whether or not they will attend.

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