Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

"but that doesnt stop you sorting me out does it?"

457 replies

EhFattyBumBum · 01/01/2011 14:21

In brief, mine and DPs sex life isnt the best. We have a nearly 2 y/o and having a tough time with his sleeping habits. We both also work f/t and are both often too tired to do anything, but when we do its great. No real complaints so far.

However, I have had thrush for about 3 - 4 days, very sore, very swollen, very itchy and just generally a bit miserable with it but hopefully its going away.

All last night DP is saying/hinting how I should have another drink and get pissed, and another, and "oooh the boy is tired maybe he will sleep for us tonight" to a generally less tactful "is your fanny still itching, maybe we can have an early night?".

I explain that not only am I still resisting the urge not to get a scouring pad, but he can catch it too and just pass it back to me if we did anything and sorry but I just dont think its the best idea.

He whinges that the one time for a little while that we get chance I have an excuse. I agree that yes it is shit that the one time we are BOTH awake I happen to have this.

Then, he says "well that doesnt stop you sorting me out does it?". I changed the subject, ignored him and he kept saying it.

We got to bed and more of the same, pawing me, grabbing hold of my hand and asking if that had thrush etc and eventually he tired of it and left me alone.

AIBU to now feel a bit offended by how he spoke to me? I felt like saying to him, yea I'll sort you out, now leave £20 on the nightstand.....

(namechange btw)

OP posts:
dittany · 01/01/2011 22:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SantosLHalper · 01/01/2011 22:52

I am not surprised that all feminism means to you is that dh does some house work...Hmm

moondog · 01/01/2011 22:53

Try a little harder Santos.
That's risible.

SantosLHalper · 01/01/2011 22:55

I don't need to try harder. I am not here to amuse. Your opinions are funny enough for us all.

moondog · 01/01/2011 22:57

Well ,they keep you gripped I suppose.
It amuses me that you care so much to get cross about it.

blueshoes · 01/01/2011 22:57

Not unwilling, but willing wank aid ... try it sometime

SantosLHalper · 01/01/2011 22:58

Not cross, just embarrassed for you. Night night. Go wank your husband before he leaves you.

Hassled · 01/01/2011 22:58

As a hatchet-faced feminist, I suspect Moondog et al are getting far more pleasure from winding us up and watching us go than the OP's DH would have got had she "sorted him out".

Sex isn't a necessity, it's a desire. No one has to orgasm X amount of times in X week before they explode. Washing the dishes is a necessity. Cleaning up your child's vomit is a necessity. Ejaculating really isn't. Wanking off your DH because he wants (not needs) it, when you really don't want to, is just bloody hideous. It demeans sex in a long-term loving relationship - the most important part of sex is its mutuality (is that a word?), the fact you're pleasing each other.

Dropdeadfred · 01/01/2011 22:59

I am repulsed by the OP's DH's vocabulary regarding his issue...and I do agree that on reading her post it makes me think 'eeeugh gross I wouldnt want to do that either'...bu hat is because I am reading and reacting to the descripion of a stranger...as are we all here. But to the OP this is not a stranger or the isolated conversation of someoene she barely kows...it was from her husband, lover, soulmate, best friend, partner, joint parent, spouse etc etc
I know we are all repulsed and indignant on her behalf but I do find i sad that OP also felt he same way about someone she is supposed to love/be in love with. Not saying she should have done it, but the lack of ability to communicate with each other about this subject without OP ignoring him or getting all indignant and feeling like he is treating her like a whore is very sad...

moondog · 01/01/2011 23:00

I might just do that Santos.After he's put the ironing away, mind.

LadyintheRadiator · 01/01/2011 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

StuffingGoldBrass · 01/01/2011 23:01

I wonder how much housework the OP's H does. It's just that men who have this attitude towards sex - that it's something that their wives have a duty to offer them - often extends towards housework as well: that their woman exists for their benefit and should service them. This of course often has the effect of putting the woman right off sex.

dittany · 01/01/2011 23:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moondog · 01/01/2011 23:02

They don't what Dittany?

dittany · 01/01/2011 23:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kittycat37 · 01/01/2011 23:06

Moondog - I was annoyed by you before because I thought you were actually expressing a point of view.

Now I realise you're just on a huge wind up mission and I can't take you seriously at all.

And I don't believe for one second you'd be happy being pressurised into wanking off your husband when you were feeling ill and if he'd been hassling you in the way the OP describes.

You're treating something quite serious like a huge joke which is not pleasant.

moondog · 01/01/2011 23:08

But it's ok for you to metaphorically waggle your finger in the face of every woman who might actually involve herself in a sexual act when she isn't absolutely gagging for it at the exact same time as her impeccably right on man?

Get a grip.

All of this feminismn as a separate issue is so bloody retro anyway. We are people, irrespective of sex and ill treatment of others happens irrespective of sex.

dittany · 01/01/2011 23:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moondog · 01/01/2011 23:15

You Dittany

'How is it in 2011 now, there are still women out there who believe it's a woman's job to sexually service a man, and who will tell other women that it's their duty.'

dittany · 01/01/2011 23:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moondog · 01/01/2011 23:20

'and who will tell other women that it's their duty.'

I took this to mean you disapprove of what you perceive to be women telling others how to act/behave and yet you do so yoursel.

I don't like the way feminism is seen as any different to the more general topic of treating people with consideration.
I can't put it any more simly than that.

ItsGraceAgain · 01/01/2011 23:23

Moondog, you said We are people, irrespective of sex and ill treatment of others happens irrespective of sex. Which is true. On this thread, a man treated his female partner inconsiderately and without respect for her as a person or as a woman. People have responded to that. Could've been the other way around.

The only person who has labelled this a feminist issue is you.

dittany · 01/01/2011 23:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kittycat37 · 01/01/2011 23:30

Moondog - you're misrepresenting what the OP describes.

You admit it's mistreatment yet then treat it like a huge joke and tell us to 'lighten up'.

I don't think you've thought through what you're writing at all.

KalokiMallow · 01/01/2011 23:31

Ladyintheradiator has a fair point. For those of you saying that the OP should have just gone along with her husbands wants (because it isn't a need) against her own wishes, how far does this line of thought extend?

If he wanted penetrative sex, should she have obliged? As one of you pointed out earlier, the thrush was her problem not his Hmm, I assume it would also not have been his problem during sex?

And how about grabbing her hand? Would it have been ok if he'd manhandled her anywhere else if she'd refused penetrative sex?