Circumcision but no Circumcision Party

[thefruitwhisperer]

DP is turkish but he and his family were all born in the UK and dont practise Muslim traditions apart from Eid. My DP is the only one who does Ramadan and thats only every couple of years when he can be bothered. They celebrate xmas and easter etc.

Ive agreed to have our month old baby circumcised as thats what DP wants and I agree that there are plus points, but Im an atheist so I would like all religious connotations taken out of the situation. I think thats a fair compromise (esp as its going to be quite hard for me, Im really scared) and I would like it to be a quiet decision between DP and I. His family will know the baby has been cut, why do we need to celebrate it in a party that is more for the sake of getting presents than it is anything else. I dont want the gifts.

DP has admitted that the only reason his family circumcise their babies is for social reasons, everyone has it done, everyone has a party, everyone gets money as gifts. Ive compromised on the actual circumcism, and I really really dont want to have a party. I will feel as though Ive sold my babies foreskin. Add to that, if theres no religious reason for it, why are we even doing it - and the only answer I can see is cultural/social/peer pressure reasons. I just dont see any reason to celebrate this pointless operation (obviously only pointless in this instance, I can understand where it is necessary medically or in religious circumstances) other than to show off that we have conformed and then get some money. Children who have their appendixes out dont have parties. I mean, I could equally argue that we have the baby christened catholic, my family all are and dont go to church.

AIBU to have the operation but draw the line at a party? I think DPs family are all going to be disappointed with me. And his grandparents apparently disowned his uncle for the same thing.

Well, I wouldn't ever do such a thing to my baby as cut off part of his penis, even if God Himself appeared in front of me and told me to do it.

So putting family noses out of joint wouldn't bother me in the slightest.

I know you're not asking opinions on this and generally I don't get drawn into debates on religious practices. But I think YABU to have your son circumcised in these circumstances. Myself or my DH would have to be pretty religious to warrant it. I certainly wouldn't allow it for purely social reasons in a fairweather practising family.

I would compromise the other way - party & gifts but no op

I don´t think that you should have your baby circumcised at all tbh.

You don´t want it done & your husband wants it done "just because" by the sounds ofit.

Personally in your circumstances I would be more inclined to have the party but not the circumcision.

FFS have a party and forget the unnecessary mutilation. Why would you? It's pretty hideous in this day and age that anyone would do it for religious reasons, I thought God created man...was the foreskin a mistake, did God do something wrong?, but without the religious excuse why would you cut off part of your child's penis?

Agree with other posters. Your son has a foreskin because he's SUPPOSED TO! Congrats btw.

Havt the party, by no circumcision. By far the best way round.

]You don;t have to agree, you know.

Sorry OP, but get ready for a flaming. Opinions on circumcision run very high on MN.

I'm Jewish, and luckily we had two girls so I dodged the circumcision bullet. If we had had a boy, I would have fought with DH over circumcising the baby.... he's atheist and doesn't follow any Jewish practices. He's said he would have wanted a son circumcised, but I fail to understand why he'll happily tuck into a bacon and cheese sandwich on Yom Kippur, but would want to follow a religious tradition that involved chopping bits off an innocent baby.

If we had gone ahead, I would have insisted it be done in a hospital in Israel (where they have more experience) under as much anaesthetic as possible. And absolutely no party. I've always found it very distasteful to celebrate causing pain and suffering to a child.

If your DH's family are probably going to disown you anyway, why not just forgo the whole thing? Or have a naming party without the circumcision?

Tell your DH that if he wants it done, he'll be the one in charge of looking after your DS's wound afterwards. For washing it, caring for it, keeping his nappies scrupulously clean. See if that changes his mind.

I'm more of the opinion that it's better to let the child decide for themselves once they're older.

I would not allow my son to be circumcised under such circumstances. Perhaps if I were married to someone very religious.

This thread has actually made me feel very uncomfortable, what the hell is wrong with you??!! You are willing to cut off part of your babies penis for social reasons?!?

YABU to circumcise your DS if neither you or your DP feel strongly that circumcision is important for religious reasons. Why would you put your child through (what you yourself describe as) a pointless operation the will have consequences for him for the rest of his life?

I don't think you should do it. It's too serious a thing to undertake because of peer pressure.

My DH rants about his lack of foreskin. He resents his Mother and Father for allowing it to happen.

H got pressured into having DS done by his peers, but even though he had it done himself he has said that he would never do it again to another child. He, a Muslim, now thinks it's cruel and needless.

If your P himself says that this is ceremonial and social then tbh, you could do without the hassle and leave the boy intact.

His uncle didn't do it, so you can follow his example. You would not be the first in the family to refuse to do it, so it would be easier for you as a couple to gain strength from the uncle's refusal to do it to his sons.

The GP won't be around forever, and being old is no reason to brow beat or force you to cut some of your baby's skin off.

YOU, the mother have as equal a say in what happens to your flesh and blood as your P, so if you are in anyway unhappy, don't allow it to be done. It can always be done if the boy decides he wants it done.

You don't object to mutilating your son's penis for vague social reasons but you do object to people giving him gifts?

Utter madness.

A friend of mine's two boys have had very nasty and painful complications as a result of their circumcision .

I think you have to be pretty bloody sure of your conviction for carrying inflicting this on your child, and the possible complications. Just going with the flow, because it's what your IL's want, isn't a good enough reason imo.

You do know you will affect your sons future sex life? To me, that isn't a mothers place...

I cannot imagine having an operation performed that was medically unnecessary on a tiny baby.

Things can go wrong you know?

I think that it should be up to the child to adopt religious practices when he or she chooses. Anything else is not child centred.

Why do you know better than your son which bit of his cock he wants to keep?

"You do know you will affect your sons future sex life?"

How so?

Watch a video of a circumcision before you do it.

It DOES affect their sex life as Brandy says...my DH's penis is more delicate than an intact one and it has less sensitivity too.