Circumcision but no Circumcision Party

[thefruitwhisperer]

DP is turkish but he and his family were all born in the UK and dont practise Muslim traditions apart from Eid. My DP is the only one who does Ramadan and thats only every couple of years when he can be bothered. They celebrate xmas and easter etc.

Ive agreed to have our month old baby circumcised as thats what DP wants and I agree that there are plus points, but Im an atheist so I would like all religious connotations taken out of the situation. I think thats a fair compromise (esp as its going to be quite hard for me, Im really scared) and I would like it to be a quiet decision between DP and I. His family will know the baby has been cut, why do we need to celebrate it in a party that is more for the sake of getting presents than it is anything else. I dont want the gifts.

DP has admitted that the only reason his family circumcise their babies is for social reasons, everyone has it done, everyone has a party, everyone gets money as gifts. Ive compromised on the actual circumcism, and I really really dont want to have a party. I will feel as though Ive sold my babies foreskin. Add to that, if theres no religious reason for it, why are we even doing it - and the only answer I can see is cultural/social/peer pressure reasons. I just dont see any reason to celebrate this pointless operation (obviously only pointless in this instance, I can understand where it is necessary medically or in religious circumstances) other than to show off that we have conformed and then get some money. Children who have their appendixes out dont have parties. I mean, I could equally argue that we have the baby christened catholic, my family all are and dont go to church.

AIBU to have the operation but draw the line at a party? I think DPs family are all going to be disappointed with me. And his grandparents apparently disowned his uncle for the same thing.

montysorry if it was confirmed earlier in the thread then apologies, I didn't see it.

From my own point of view I would have given anything not to have my son circumcised, but his foreskin was too tight and the operation was advised both by our GP and the consultant. Not only was he in extreme discomfort anyway with the tightness, it also had the embarrassing side effect of forcing him to have to stand sideways in order to pee into a toilet bowl or urinal, which caused him to be bullied at school.

I agree he was in pain once the anaesthetic wore off, and the pain lasted (as far as I recall) two or three days during which time I felt totally helpless as nothing would relieve it. However, a few years on and he's fine. The only time I've heard him mention it was discussing it with a cousin who had the same problem; he freely admitted he'd been circumcised for the same reason, told his cousin he'd have some pain afterwards, but then cheerfully said even if he'd have known about the post-op pain he'd have had the op anyway in order to relieve the earlier problems.

I don't understand how anyone could force their child to undergo similar - even under general anaesthetic - for anything other than medical reasons. As far as I'm concerned that's mutilation pure and simple.

"I would hate for our son to grow up and feel angry that he wasn't circumcised as a child."

If he feels that strongly, he can have it done as an adult.

Yes, let's still let men have it done!

As adults...I wonder how many would be as keen to take it up then

MoonUnit - yes. I deserve that.

No you don't Showdown. You have shown remorse. I presume you wouldn't do it again. I think that shows that you don't need to be punished more than you are yourself.

:)

My DH is Jewish and circumcised. He climaxes as quickly as the next guy and I've compared plenty of each !

But perhaps he's just the lucky one. He's always going on about his "huge circumcision scar" (not that I've ever noticed one) when blokes start comparing their scars . It's very hard to gauge whether he genuinely thinks this is funny (penis humour) or if he has some unresolved issues with having been circumcised.

What I always wonder is why, if men are genuinely unhappy in adulthood having been circumcised, they allow it to happen to their sons.

And for all the horror stories of circumcisions gone wrong, there are also stories of men born before medical circumcisions who had their sex lives ruined by tight foreskins.

While I can see some of the arguments for circumcision, I think my final judgement would have to be that it be kept for medical reasons only.

I have a friend who watched very closely while her son was circumcised. She felt that if she was going to inflict it on him, the least she could do was make sure she shared every second and didn't turn away. She says that as the foreskin was scraped away from the penis by what looked like a cuticle scraper, he blanked out from the pain. She said his face did exactly what hers did when a consultant at hospital rammed a hand into her uterus after she'd given birth, mistakenly thinking she was under an epidural.

I doubt she'd circumcise another son.

OTOH, DH watched our DNephew's circumcision very closely. He went very, very pale. But is still pro-circumcision.

Odd.

god i love you lot!mn can be a scary place sometimes and i thought this maybe one of those threads where people get on their high horse about cultures and religion.so pleased to see such a majority who disaggree with this butchery and arent afraid to say so.i noticed op referred to her oh as dp i presume they are not married so obviously not afraid to brea with some traditions.

I've had my share of men, and tbh, it didn't make a difference whether or not they were circumcised.

I went out with a Jewish man who was circumcised in Israel, and believe me, he could last and last. In fact, he was the best shag I've ever had.

This is where expat and I differ. I just get bored with the whole penetrative bit after a while and start looking at the flaws in the paintwork on the ceiling. I'd really rather he got it over and done with within 10 minutes or so.

haha ex pat i think ive tried both flavours but never quite sure how to"handle"a circumcised one.id learn quick enough tho if the need arose.

How ridiculous dont even think about it,just tell any one expecting to come to this silly event theres been a few changes and he is not going to be circumcised now and certainly no party.Im sure they have got better things to do with their time, and send them all a packet of Hoola hoops.You might be a few quid down from gifts but think what a nice quiet day you will have without fuss

Oh, not me, Porcelein. I orgasm from deep penetration. That's why I like big 'uns :o. You can always take a break, too, and go back to penetration. Oooo, then it's just hours of pleasure . . . yes, some good memories . . . :o

I do like DH's uncircumcised one, and wouldn't have thought of circumcising our son.

But I do know a fair number of Jewish and Muslim people who have and do. Horses for courses in such instances is my opinion.

It's not for me but for the ones I know it was a deep part of their faith.

Annie I think that lots of people go by the belief that negative experiences 'make me who I am today' and 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' too. I think this is entirely fallacious personally, but I know a few men who despite being very very unhappy at boarding school sent their sons to exactly the same school and left them there even though they knew that their sons too were unhappy. I'm not anti-boarding school btw, I spent two happy years at one, it's just an example of twisted thinking really.

I really don't think AIBU is the place to discuss circumcision, I'm afraid.

People come out with all sorts of ill informed, knee-jerk opinions.

AnnieLobeseder - blanked out form the pain . . . . jesus christ! Who would do that to a child.

Personally I think it is an evil and barbaric thing to do. Absolutely disgusting. I hate the way barbaric acts gets wrapped up the in the religion parcel as if the religion part makes doing something so hideous acceptable.

It's cutting off part of a child penis!

Why would any religion condone or dictate the cutting out of something; anything that God gave us ?
I was taught that Every child is born in His Image and Likeness.

Having been born; cutting bits out is entirely arrogant and actually goes against God; or any God that I particularly want to embrace.

Male or Female circumscision; it's mutilation.

I found the heel test for my DD traumatic but essential.

Circumscion is not essential. It's cultural.
No way on MY God's Earth would I allow it.

If my Son or Girl was the only one in the playground that had a foreskin, or the only one with un mutilated genitalia. Then so be it. Someone has to be the one and say NO.

Just because it's gone on for aeons doesn't make it right.

Annie...your argument fails that if it's so awful why do men inflict it upon their sons because we know FGM hurts a lot and women insist upon it for their daughters.

It's not even in the Qu'ran circumcision is not mentioned there at all, IIRC. Only is part of the Hadith. So it is optional even for Muslims. In most Muslim countries I think it's still done at the cusp of puberty; very much a rite of manhood.

OP has said she's only agreeing to it for aesthetic and social reasons.

The only change that will happen is if Women like you Op say NO.

Please do so. It's barbaric.

Every procedure that a baby/child goes through is accompanied by risk; it's not a justifiable risk.

Your Child will experience pain and discomfort. For no valid reason. Please don't do it.

My Ds's Dad is Turkish, and I went through the same thought process were they were born.

Putting aside the religious part, which I also didn't want, I looked at the various options, which I think were having it done privately. In the end I decided against it.

I would say though, that although they may have a close and loving family who would love to celebrate this, this is YOUR SON, so do whatever you feel is the right thing to do and do not feel pressurised into a ceremony that you neither agree with or want.

Jews have good religious reasons for cirumcision. Its a Mitzvah, one of the covenants from g-d to Abraham and it was meant as a sign of his commitment to g-d.

However as I understand it for muslims it is a cultural thing past down the generations with no one giving it serious thought. Their prophet was probably not circumcised!! as only jews were, no one else. Although Jews and muslims lived side by side for many thousands of years.

Its a little like muslim women being made to wear the burka, no spiritual reason behind it, it is cultural. From that perspective OPs Dh is not wrong, but if I were her I would seriously agrue against circumcision.

OMG @ blanking out from the pain. This thread is making me feel a bit sick actually, it just sounds like torture.

(But Showdown did NOT deserve some twit making pathetic comments on something she realised was a mistake!).