Circumcision but no Circumcision Party

[thefruitwhisperer]

DP is turkish but he and his family were all born in the UK and dont practise Muslim traditions apart from Eid. My DP is the only one who does Ramadan and thats only every couple of years when he can be bothered. They celebrate xmas and easter etc.

Ive agreed to have our month old baby circumcised as thats what DP wants and I agree that there are plus points, but Im an atheist so I would like all religious connotations taken out of the situation. I think thats a fair compromise (esp as its going to be quite hard for me, Im really scared) and I would like it to be a quiet decision between DP and I. His family will know the baby has been cut, why do we need to celebrate it in a party that is more for the sake of getting presents than it is anything else. I dont want the gifts.

DP has admitted that the only reason his family circumcise their babies is for social reasons, everyone has it done, everyone has a party, everyone gets money as gifts. Ive compromised on the actual circumcism, and I really really dont want to have a party. I will feel as though Ive sold my babies foreskin. Add to that, if theres no religious reason for it, why are we even doing it - and the only answer I can see is cultural/social/peer pressure reasons. I just dont see any reason to celebrate this pointless operation (obviously only pointless in this instance, I can understand where it is necessary medically or in religious circumstances) other than to show off that we have conformed and then get some money. Children who have their appendixes out dont have parties. I mean, I could equally argue that we have the baby christened catholic, my family all are and dont go to church.

AIBU to have the operation but draw the line at a party? I think DPs family are all going to be disappointed with me. And his grandparents apparently disowned his uncle for the same thing.

"No way, I could never allow (nor DH) this tradional set up"

Regardless of how you do it, the whole thing is a "traditional set up" If you can reject one bit if it, you can reject it all - be strong, stand up for your son and say "no".

Brace women are doing this to protect their daughters from gential mutilation. We should protect our sons as well.

dh had his done for medical reasons and theres nothing wrong with his sex life.

i would never have it done to either boys for religious reasons, why would you esp after watching 'you tube'

RE - MickyLee Of course it is not pain free, but I think she needs to tell herself that. I hope she changes her mind, there is no reason for inflicting pain on your son like this and mutilating his body. Even if you live somewhere where all other boys are circumcised, YOU could be the one who teaches your son why you didn't.

To the OP - I really hope you don't go along with this.

YABVU to have your son circumcised. It is cruel and barbaric unless for medical reasons. There are many services which celebrate without the chopping of someone elses parts.

As has been demonstrated on here, some men resent that their parts have been cut/mutilated (however you would describe it is not nice), it does affect sex life for some men. Why not let them wait till they are old enough to choose what to dispose of on their own body?

'Brace women are doing this to protect their daughters from gential mutilation. We should protect our sons as well.'
Agree with seeker

I may live in a Muslim country but I am not a controlled by my DH! I am strong but I want my son to be circumcised for the reasons I have already stated.

But thinking about OP just having the party. I'm not sure if that would wash with the family. Most Muslim families like to have a peek

You havne't stated any reasons. Well, not ones that make the remotest sense, anyway.

It sounds like they just want the social event anyway, so have a naming party. You can hint that you'll have DS circumsised when he's older privately. I wouldn't be surprised once they've had an event to welcome DS to the family then the pressure would reduce to have it done.

I wouldn't let anyone mutilate my child for social OR religious reasons. It's completely barbaric. A foreskin is not an optional extra, it is there for a reason. Removal should only be through necessity IMO. And people like to 'have a peek'?! Yuck.

My son was circumcised for medical reasons aged 10. I asked the surgeon what the likelihood of complications and potential future problems such as loss of sensation etc, were, and he said that when carried out by a proper medical surgeon, under general anaesthetic, and on an older child or a man - virtually none.

On the other hand, when carried out on very small babies as part of a ritual/religious ceremony or for cutlrual reasons, and done by anyone other than a qualified consultant surgeon - very high. He says he regularly corrects horrendously botched circumcisions that were carried out on babies.

No mutilation. No party.

Children can be cruel Seeker. I don't want him to feel an outcast.

They're lots a reasons tbh and I feel all together it makes sense to have DS circumcised.

Here for instance, boys have to serve in the Army at 18. They will Circumcise him if he has foreskin for one. This is not main reason of cousre because we could pay for him not to have to serve, but it is another reason. I wouldn't want him not to serve just because he was frightened of being circumcised as a basically adult male.

As i say DH has strong faith and DS may choose to follow Islam, again he would have to be circumcised as an adult.

You may say to leave it until he decides but I really do believe that being circumcised as a baby or tot is mush better esp suing the Plasibell.

Sorry but I think your child should make the decision for themselvs when they are a MAN.

Your OH does not even practice his religion only when it suits him, so why cut your child?

Jeeesus.

Your DH does not have that strong a faith if he only practices when it suits him.

YOu are making excuses for him yourself.

If his faith was strong he would practice it to the absolute not just when it suits.

Sorry are we getting mixed up with me and OP??

YANBU.

DS1 and DS2 both had it done at 8 days, with party. Healed quickly, and pain did not last long. I didn't watch DS1 but was in the room for DS2. However we are orthodox practising jews.

If I have said we were going to have the circumcision but no party that would have been fine (DH's parents told me that when DH had his they didn't have a party).

However circumcision threads don't go down well on here, and frankly I don't really understand why an athiest and non practising muslim would inflict this on their child at all.

The plastibell method is not pain free.It's not as simple as tying a string around the foreskin. It involves cutting and of course the separation of the foreskin from the glans,which would feel rather like tearing your nails from the nailbed.

You can watch the procedure and see that there's more to it than letting the foreskin drop off.

Where is the OP?

Why not have the party as a naming ceremony or similar, if the party is what they want, and NOT cut bits off of your baby for no reason?

Micky, you say you are strong and not controlled by your DH, but what does it say about you for you to think that YOU are making decisions FOR him?

"Sorry for anyone that objects but my DS will be circumsised. (sic)...

..I am sure he would of wished it was done as a tot! ?????

Don't you mean would have wished? Perhaps if your reasons were stronger than your grammar/spelling I'd give you more credence.

If it's done for religious reasons, is one thing, for medical reasons another, but just cos you are planning to have him educated out there and worry that he'll be given a hard time in the changing rooms? How vacuous is that?

Surely IF he has a problem with bullies, he can get it done when he's old enough to decide. As it's so painless with the plastibell method.

He may not want to get married islamically either... but again can easily get it done before hand.

My son is circumsised as he was born with hyperspadia. (sp) He was done days before his 2nd birthday and it was so traumatic for me Dh and obviously especially my poor DS.

First the whole hospital thing for a child not used to it was a worry for him, the gas to get him to sleep was horrendous - i was holding/restraining him whilst he was being gassed and i felt like i was smothering him it was awful.

When he woke after the op he was terrified took hours for him to come around properly, then he was on really strong painkillers for a week, but was still in pain from the moment he came round for about a week.

I was heart broken for him, everytime he needed a wee he cried, and then after he screamed. He turned three in September and still wont let anyone touch him in tht area, even around it. i truely worry he's going to be (mentally) scarred for life.

My poor baby.

And this is the humane way to do it, with medical professionals and being put to sleep and the area numbed, and a mega amount of painkillers.

How could anyone do this to a child without absolute medical reasons needs? you need locking up, you have put your paranoid delusion of whats right ahead of your childs welbeing how can you inflict such pain on your child - i couldnt do that to my worst enemy let alone my baby by choice! - what is wrong with you people. Do you tattoo them too and stick piercings all over them, well why not i spose its all the same isnt it, you are mutilating your sons for your own pleasure and thats so twisted.

A local anaesthetic is used. I have to tell you that I have known a few babies who have had the plastibell and with one seen it for myself. The babies were not in any pain.

Did the babies tell you that?!

You do realise that it's common for babies to go into a catatonic state when overwhelmed by stress,shock and pain? They might not cry but it doesn't mean they aren't feeling anything.

If you insist on having it done then have the ring block anaesthetic please,that's a series of injections,rather than just one injection.
It won't block all pain,and the injections are also painful,and there's no real way of ensuring that the seperation of the glans won't hurt, but it's more effective than just one injection.