To think it is wrong for a surrogate to have a child for two men?

[Extremelychocolatey]

The men in question are Elton John and David Furnish.

link

It feels wrong on so many levels.

I have never been pressured nor paid to have a pregnancy and give birth but I have had three surrogate babies. These children are still very much in my life and are like a nephew and nieces to me.

I got a few hundred pounds in costs for childcare (over the IVF and birth), clothing, travel but the biggest payment was getting to see couples becoming a family and knowing I played a part in that.

For those talking about women in poverty I can say that certainly isn't the case with me we're not rich but we are comfortable.

It is very long so I can understand people not wanting to read it but I offer you the chance to read this account and put yourself in the shoes of the surrogate being written about to see just how amazing it feels to be the one making that happen. It is a feeling like no other.

raspberry I really think you have to be more careful in how you put things. Highly promiscuous parents of any kind/stripe/gender would not be a good thing, but it's a big leap from the people you know to all gay men (my DD's dad is probably the most monogamous man, gay or straight, in the whole world)

it's not like they went to an orphanage somewhere and hand picked their own "perfect little baby" and then mainpulating the rules and regulations of the country they're in to get what they want They're getting what they're given here.

Actually I don't remember much discussion about Madonna's age when she adopted fairly recently....yet she's older than DF now. But hers was a classic "buy a baby" if you ask me. She got what she wanted by virtue of the fact that she'd thrown money into the country.

I'm saddened about some of the attitudes on the thread, although glad to see they are in the minority.

We have two amazing gay friends who are in a long-term and committed relationship. They are educated, intelligent, funny, loving, generous, financially-stable, charitable, sociable people. They both want a child but one of them is holding back, not because he thinks they would not be good parents, not because he thinks there are moral issues, but ONLY because he thinks that too many people still think "well, it's just not right, is it."

He thinks that the child would be subjected to negative attitudes. He is clearly right.

If they decided to go through with it and use a surrogate and if our family was complete and I was still of an age to be suitable, I would do it for them in a heartbeat. I didn't enjoy pregnancy at all, but I reckon I could cope with 9 months of "exploitation" to let these two great men be parents for the rest of their lives.

drivingmisscrazy I know a lot of gay men -I know a lot of gay women as my mother was gay for 1/2 my childhood. I know which sex couple I would prefer to live with.

To deny the general promictuity of a large part of the male gay community is PC gone mad lol

Lenin -''a lot of straight people lead lives incompatible with parenting.'' doesnt make it right though does it?

Can I just point out that their age wasn't the only reason that they were turned down to adopt. They first tried to adopt a HIV+ve child and part of the reason they were refused was because the country they tried to adopt from didn't recognise same sex partnerships. They have since committed to finically support this child and its siblings.
They have been together a lot longer than many ?straight? couples, this will have been something that they will have had to plan & discuss, not a case of oh Shit I forgot to take my pill/ the condom split, oh well lets see what happens etc etc

Lenin - yes, I do think gay people should have the same rights as heterosexuals. For example, I think you should be able to marry rather than have a "civil partnership".

I also think you should be able to adopt. So I think my issue is with surrogacy, it was the David and Elton news that prompted the thread.

Fanjo - I think you're even lazier than me. I have put forward my thoughts you just keep stuttering "homophobic!" "lazy!".

HAven't had time to read the whole thread, but yes of course YABU.

I heard this on the radio earlier and thought it was lovely. Yes EJ at 62 may be a little old, but DF is only 48. I wish them well and hope they enjoy every aspect of parenthood. I think it's a bloody shame more male gay couples don't have the opportunity to become parents that these 2 obviously have because of money.

Me, lazy? Or, busy perhaps?

Or perhaps addressing your OP?

"I know a lot of gay women as my mother was gay for 1/2 my childhood. "

(what she suddenly became gay, or she stopped being gay??)

to deny the promiscuity of a large part of the heterosexual community is rather bonkers too.

I spent a large chunk of my mid-late teens socialising with gay men (I'm an organist, and at least where I was a teenager there was a large number of gay organists and lay clerks - not sure why - it just was). They were no more, or less, promiscuous than any of the straight people I knew at the time. Actually most were in committed long term relationships even back then.

Lenin - I think that's why I'm uncomfortable with it being this couple - They seam really nice and committed etc. - but they also have the money to carry on a party life style whilst having a small child. I know as I said before very :( with myself, but its just the age , the show business excess that Elton is prone to and
the general ''package'' that feels wrong - sorry

Extremelychocolatey - your issue is not with surrogacy per se, it is with surrogacy for TWO MEN. Re-read your OP.

I appreciate its a couple of hours since you wrote it, but try to keep up

yabu and stupid
love is all that matters

They're a bit too old. Which I suppose is why they're going for surrogacy rather than adoption. Apart from that. good luck to them.

And YABU. And H.

Exactly violet.

I merely posted that the original post was homophobic.

Then defended myself from accusations of laziness and PC gone mad by saying the original post was lazy. And homophobic.

I never claimed to have read the OP's other arguments. I will, or maybe someone can read them to me while I chase DD around and cook brunch.

"- but they also have the money to carry on a party life style whilst having a small child. "

as do lots of heterosexual couples who conceive naturally together.