To think it is wrong for a surrogate to have a child for two men?

[Extremelychocolatey]

The men in question are Elton John and David Furnish.

link

It feels wrong on so many levels.

It's the latest lifestyle accessory for them. methinks.

They got bored with buying flash miniature Ferraris for Brooklyn Beckham, and decided to buy a child of their own.

Is it wrong to want to be a father?

Sakura, it is not their baby, they may have carried it for 9 months, but it is not theirs. And they get paid very well for being a surrogate, about $40k in the US.

It is relevant for all of us. When relationships fall apart or children grow up dysfunctional the damage has a ripple effect and becomes everyone else's problem.

I would be a lot happier if they looked outwards and did work for children's charities if it all mattered so much to them.

Sakura there are some women on mumsnet who have surrogated out of the kindness of their hearts. Infertility is a terrible blow, and I can understand why someone who doesn't hate pregnancy would want to do this for another person. Giving bone marrow or a kidney is probably a very unpleasent experience but people do it every day out of pure generosity of spirit

lorilee I just can't get my head around the fact that that joy is based on exploitation, and that that's okay with some people, that they travel to poor countries to find women to exploit. I am talking specifically about an industry that exploits women of a certain socio-economic class; I suppose I wouldn't have as much of a problem if you could get your sister or close friend to carry your baby for you

theevildead
Yes, I have no problem with a woman doing it for that reasons, much the same as giving a kidney or bone marrow
But the problem is that there is such an increasing demand for babies, that the women have to be found from somewhere, and they are being paid enormous amounts of "travel expenses" which means that women - who are poorer as a class- are effectively coerced into it, just like they're coerced into selling sex

Blimey. They do look a bit old in that picture.

k12
Yes, I understand that in US law, the baby a woman has carried under her heart for nine months, is not hers, the baby she has fed from her own blood, is not hers, the baby she gives life to in pain, is not hers...
Thankfully the UK doesn't see it that way yet, and the baby still belongs to the birth mother, should she wish to keep it at the last minute

Why should I know anything about them? I've never met them, I don't like his music and their lives never cross paths with mine. Elton John doesn't know about my charity work most probably and I don't know about his.

Sakura - I am in the extremely lucky position of having had 2 children of my own, without the need for a surrogate. However, I know for a fact that, had I needed to, my sister would have done so in a flash.

So when Zachary asks his parents "who is my mummy? where is she? can I meet her?" what will their response be?

Had the baby been adopted they would be able to answer some of the questions. Or, in the case of many international adoptions, the answer may sadly be that the parents have no information about the birth mother.

However, telling a child that

(a) his mother conceived, carried and gave him away or (b) he has two mothers an egg donor and a surrogate will surely bewilder a child and make them feel like they are a product.

You say "thankfully" Sakura, but how would you feel if the baby the surrogate was carrying was your baby, either made with your own eggs or donor eggs and your husband's sperm?

If she then decided to keep it, do you think that would be fair to the parents?

lorilee I'm talking about an exploitative industry. If your sister would have done it for you, that's wonderful, You must be very close, and I'm sure sisters have done that for each other since the dawn of time. But I'm talking about an exploitative industry, which uses the class system to exploit women. There are certain things that should not be sold: kidneys, eggs, or rented, wombs, orifices.

k12
My empathy lies with the woman who was coerced into giving birth and not allowed to keep the baby, because she lives in a world where, for a woman of a certain background, poverty or being exploited are the only two options in life

Extremelychocolatey, I am sure Elton & David will make use of the vast resources out there to help children understand how they came to be. Here is a book list if you are interested:

www.parentsviaeggdonation.org/v2/books.html

SantaMousePink
NO, the heart of this discussion is the exploitative industry, which preys on the unhappiness of childless couples, and on female poverty

But Sakura it is not her baby, generally.

Why do you say it is exploitative, SantaMousePink?

SantaMousePink

A person may live to be 80 (or older) that does not equally mean that an 80 year old is in the a fit enough state to raise a child. Or that in 5 years time Elton John could not begin suffering from dementia. It also doesn't follow that because they are wealthy they will live longer. Elton John (at least) has not been know for his clean living lifestyle- he is no Cliff Richard!