To think it is wrong for a surrogate to have a child for two men?

[Extremelychocolatey]

The men in question are Elton John and David Furnish.

link

It feels wrong on so many levels.

loobyloo wasn't there a story line in the Archers some while ago about Ian being a donor for an old friend of his? It came to nothing, because she was only in it for one thing , but I'm sure it will be back...

I wish them lots of luck and love as new parents.

I would think that the two of them have had extensive discussions with a variety of health professionals before making the decision to have a child. It is not something that any gay couple would do lightly, and there is a wealth of advice out there to help them ensure that their son understands how he came into the world.

Yes, Elton John is quite old. But honestly, does it matter? David Furnish is of an age where people wouldn't think twice about him having a baby. I can't imagine why anyone would suggest that a baby would be at a disadvantage being brought up by a loving, devoted couple such as these two. Love is all you need, really, and their family appears to have that in spades.

Congratulations to them on the birth of their son, I'm very happy for them :)

Well, my DH and I would love to adopt, but as I am over 40, I am considered too old. We have therefore taken the donor egg route, but this would certainly not be our first choice.

I think it's fantastic that this couple finally have the opportunity to give their love to a child especially after the adoption rejection that they had to deal with.

Some men have as much desire (need) to be a father as some women do to be a mother. If eeither is not capable of becoming a parent when they want to it is desperately sad. Some women (single/straight/gay/married/in a relationship) can get fertility treatment or in some cases use a surrogate, i see no reason why this shouldn't also be the case for men.

I am so sad that they were not able to adopt the little HIV positive boy from the Ukraine, they could have given him a wonderful life and it is heartening that even though they were not able to adopt him they are now financially supporting him. This shows that they are in a fortunate enough position to have both love and money to give a child.

I'm sure their new baby will be super loved and incredibly well taken care of.

I think that age does matter tbh.

Supposing that they were a hetero couple og 48 & 62, chances are that they wouldn´t be able to have a baby-and I think that this sort of thing needs considering with regards to adoption guidelines.

However, people are living longer & EJ & DF are in a position to look after themselves healthwise & hire help if necessary, so in that way have advantages over us "mere mortals"

not sure if this has been said or not but for those who think it is wrong for ej to have a child 'at his age' because the child will lose ej when the child is still young needs to consider that you can lose parent(s) at any age - my brother was only a month away from his 17th birthday when our mom died aged 54

I read a lot of the thread then skipped ahead so sorry if I'm covering something that was in the 10 pages I missed.

I don't understand this view that the child must have a mother in the traditional sense. My baby's main caregiver will be my DH, and I will be at work. Does that mean he/she is missing out because that elusive "mother factor" will be missing a lot of the time?

Children have been brought up without mothers since the beginning of time. For some, it works out, for others it doesn't. But that's true of all situations.

I also have no issue with surrogacy, even using the surrogate's own eggs - if she chooses to help someone else, that is her choice.

aurora I do think that's a point worth making. I was just 8 when my dad died aged 45; my DP's dad started his family at about 45 and lived to see all 6 of his children into their twenties. Also, the expectation that parents and children have lives that run coterminously for 40 odd years is relatively recent: many of my friends' parents are still alive and have spent a lot of time with their grandchildren. All my gps bar one was dead by the time I was born; the same was true for my DP.

OTOH I do think you need energy for young children - but again, this doesn't correlate neatly with age.

My dad died when I was 10, his last five years were spent fighting cancer and he lacked the energy needed to keep up with 4 young children. However, I always knew I was loved and I am lucky to have had such a loving beautiful man apart of my life for those 10 years.

My dad died at 49, leaving DC aged from 13 to 20. He and my mum married and started a family in their 20's.

deckthehalls that's a lovely post; I'm so sorry that you lost your dad. Like you, my dad died when I was small, but I always knew I was loved by him, and whilst I can't remember very much about him that love was a huge, and sadly, unreturnable, legacy to me.

David Furnish is only 48, so only one partner is over 60.

Many hetro couples in their late forties have young children quite "naturally" and always have.

Unfortunately yopu cannot predict when ppl will pass away.

I know three young families who have lost their Dad's in the past year, all aged under 40 - yoth does not guaruntee a long life ahead of you.

only problem i have as well is there ages agree that abit old for a child
otherwise happy for them

dusty, no guarantee but a better chance won't you think?!

you cannot predict when people will die, but you KNOW in a group of 100 30-year olds there will be fewer deaths in a year than a group of 87 year olds. For most people 60 is closer to demise than 30.

It is all moot anyway, as they will not do all the gruelling stuff like night time feeds themselves anyway.

I am an older mother myself, and dh is an older father (in our 40s when we had both dds). I'm glad for them, hope they'll be good parents, and as to the age thing - personally I would not be comfortable becoming a parent at EJ's age, but thats not to say there aren't plenty of heterosexual older (60s) men who have done the same thing. Still, I'm glad for the baby that a) DF is younger and b) there will probably be lots of adoring, hopefully younger, godparents.

The last being one choice dh and I made for our kids - it helps knowing our girls have young and vibrant cousins, slightly younger (than us) godparents, and lots of aunties and uncles, of all ages.

He'll be raised by a fleet of nannies and staff anyway before being shipped off to boarding school.

I have no problem with surrogacy; I have no problem with two men (or two women) raising children together; I have no problem with their age (especially as Furnish is of an age when many men become fathers); I wish them well.

Nasty op.

I'm very pleased for any couple who cannot conceive naturally (for whatever reason) when they finally get a much wanted child.

It's a real gift and I wish them all the happiness in the world.

In fact I hope to see them here looking for tips on potty training in the near future :)

The only problem I have is with their ages, other than that, I see no problem.

I really think the arbitrary cutoff age for adoptions is a huge problem and has grave implications for women whose careers or other life circumstances have made childbearing impossible. I think the effect is to discriminate against women who probably could provide a very comfortable and loving environment for a child who needs a home.

I have several old schoolfriends who were only established enough in their careers to devote time to relationships by their mid thirties, and only set about ttc when they were pushing 40.

I haven't read through all the posts, I do wish them good luck.
I doubt that the child will be packed off to boarding school though.

math I totally agree with that - DP and I would love to adopt, but we're both over 40 - but that doesn't necessarily mean that we can't have a sibling for DD (watch this space...)

I am still shocked by the OP for suggesting that 2 men couldn't be great parents. The child will not miss his mother, because he doesn't have one. Thats ok because he has 2 dads. I have lesbian friends who have children - the children don't miss their dad as they don't have one.

The age is a slight concern though, however,
the following is interesting - based on 2006 as that was the year the data was available for - so each year, roughly 200 children in the UK will have a mother who is as old as (or older than) DF.

Age of mother at birth, 2006 <a class="break-all" href="//(www.mothers35plus.co.uk/intro.htm)link" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">(www.mothers35plus.co.uk/intro.htm)link
48: 77
49: 46
50 and over: 71

And of course they are very rich so will have nannies to help as much as they want.