To think it is wrong for a surrogate to have a child for two men?

[Extremelychocolatey]

The men in question are Elton John and David Furnish.

link

It feels wrong on so many levels.

oneortwo Tue 28-Dec-10 13:54:11
"Eg most people seem to think that being able to create a blue eyed blond baby of a selected sex is a Bad Thing, but can accept the idea of the very few babies created to be saviour siblings to help with a medical problem"

do they? I don't! I do not think anyone should do medical interventions on a child where that child does not have a medical need for them. I don't understand the consent and ethical issues here! the second child often has to go through multiple painful and distressing proceedures which THEY do not need. That is not okay with me either

Well I know someone who had another baby with saving their other child in mind. The baby underwent bone marrow transplant for his brother. Whilst my knee jerk reaction would be how terrible I cannot say that I wouldn't do the same.

"I always find the it's not natural argument amusing"

But 2 men having sex is never going to result in pregnancy, is it?

TFP, you might, I just doubt that "most" would TBH

"Diddl, no, but 2 women having sex isn't either. And according to my gynae, me and my husband having sex won't!"

And that is it for me-how far should you go to have children?

It´s a personal thing & up to you of course.

The fact that there are more options re IVF now-does that make it better or worse?

Does it give more hope where there really isn´t any more than there ever was?

Very interesting. Will come back and read the whole thread a little later but just wanted to say that my gut reaction to the OP was that YABU, and that is based on the fact that your title and opening statement is (on the face of it), homophobic. And as a loving, stable (relationship-wise and financially) couple, DF and EJ has as much 'right' as any other couple to hsve children

However, I do have reservations surrounding surrogacy as there is usually an exploitative relationship between the surrogate and parents.

I also have problems with the commodification (?) of children.

yip the OP is BU if the reason is 2 men, but IMO not BU if the reason is that his/her "line" is drawn at surrogacy only being okay if its is 100% the couple's DNA (sperm and eggs) and just a borrowed womb, and if that applies to ALL couples gay or straight IYKWIM.

not where my line is, but not homophobic either IMO if it also applied to hetro couples using donor eggs and sperm

I don't see how (in the Western world) a surrogate can be seen as being exploited. In the UK, she is doing it for free, so you can hardly claim she is coerced. And in the US, she will be paid handsomely. And believe me, 30k is a lot of money to someone who may be on her own, and who certainly has children.

If she doesn't feel comfortable about handing the child over, then she is the wrong person to be a surrogate.

As for the question ExtremelyChocolately posted about "Who is my mummy?", I don't consider this any trickier than other questions that kids can ask, such as
"Who is my daddy?" (possibe answers: some nightclubber I banged while on E/some bloke I met in the pub/DH's best friend, cousin, brother) or "Where is my daddy?" (fucked off to work/ran off with the neighbour/sleeping off a hangover). None of these answers apply to me but could to nice heterosexual parents I know.

As parents you try and think about the answers to tricky questions before they crop up, but they always surprise you.

As for conventional families: arse to that.

I don't think that women who are surrogates are always exploited. But I think that the children who are the products of these arrangements certainly are - they are commodities to be traded between the women who need/want/desire the money and the women who want a child.

And women in this country certainly don't do it for free - they are aledgedly paid "costs" which according to many reports amount to tens of thousands of £s .

I have huge issue with donor siblings - for me there are just far too many variables and there is far too much pressure applied to an often as yet unborn child. What if the child they were born to cure dies, or the treatment doesn't work, or the new baby conceived isn't a match (iirc parents don't find that out until they have an amnio).

Gay40 :o

Pantofino - thats way out of order "Their ages are a concern. Also are they taking this newborn baby straight from his birth mother? Is she going to stay involved? There is something a bit icky about that - taking a baby from his mum and going to live with 2 middle age blokes doesn't sit well with me at all."

However I wonder if you and other people don't understand surrogacy?

Surrogates do not "have to give up their baby"

They CHOSE to carry a child for an infertile or same sex couple that they then CHOSE to hand that child over at birth.

They CHOSE to do it.

My dd is one of only 600 surrogate babies in this country - I didn't STEAL her or FORCE her birth mother to hand her over, or BRIBE her, and I find it offensive that that is something that other pople may think.

I Have posted this after ionly reading page 1 so I spologise for only quoting you, there may be other people who would upset me too further on in the thread.

FYI it is perfectly possible and NORMAL for a 48yr old woman and a 62 yr old man to conceive naturally and easily and its even ethical for IVF to be carried out with those ages.
I am sure we have a fair few on here with similar ages.

wannabe - if i was near to you in person I think I would kick your ass - how dare you say my daughter is exploited!!!

WOuld her she be better off having never been born? Or thru a twist of fate being born to a junkie? a paedophile? You have a twisted perception.

mummyberry juice

"However, I do have reservations surrounding surrogacy as there is usually an exploitative relationship between the surrogate and parents.

I also have problems with the commodification (?) of children."

do f off