Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6

Original poster

to be fing fed off at ss.....

136 replies

nilbymaaf · 28/12/2010 02:50

I mean really....I feel like a criminal now. Why are they assessing me as a parent? All I did was try to protect my babies. My 5 year old autistic son had a medical examination at school, without my consent and without me there... He has been unable to sleep since and is still traumatised. The only reason I know is that he repeats things using echolalia all the time and has been saying ' what a healthy boy' 'open up say aaaah' I thought it was a bit strange and then the penny dropped. How dare they do that to him, I don't even know what they did. Why didn't they tell me, I wouldn't have refused permission.
Yes I know they have a job to do, but why act like this?

OP posts:

Original poster

nilbymaaf · 28/12/2010 02:54

And to top it all off, I may not be allowed to HE my children without SS constantly coming round, even though the harm is no longer likely to occur...

OP posts:

Tortington · 28/12/2010 03:09

not sure why social services are involved at all?

Bloodymary · 28/12/2010 11:12

Yes, I am not sure why SS were involved.
I would contact them asap and demand to know why.
Once SS are involved it is very hard to get rid of them.
And yes they do have a knack of making you feeling like a criminal.
I am raising my Grandaughter, and while I was being 'assesed' I had 2 young social workers watching me change little girl, and making notes.
I am a Mother, Grandmother and an ex childminder.
I dont know how I stopped myself flinging the dirty nappy at their stupid faces.
Ihave many, many more stories like this. but if I start I will not be able to stop.
OP, good luck!

gingerjam · 28/12/2010 11:24

I hate ss. I think it is apt they are called the ss now because they are a bunch of effing nazis.

SS don't need a reason to make your life hell. Worse still everyone thinks they do need a reason so if they are present then you as a parent must be some kind of baddie.

SS can be a bunch of jeremy hunts and need no evidence just any cloud they can mistake for smoke and they'll torch your house.

YANBU good luck to you though, stay calm and smile.

swanandduck · 28/12/2010 11:27

To be honest, without background information, it's a bit hard to accurately comment on this situation.

unavailable · 28/12/2010 11:31

"even though the harm is no longer likely to occur..."

Do you mean at one time harm was likely OP? Is that why social services are involved.

If you do want some useful advice on this thread you will need to give more detail.

maristella · 28/12/2010 11:39

nilby i'm sorry :( and i hope things improve for you soon.

ss have to investigate any child protection concerns, it's a legal requirement, and as we all know from recent cases a failure to do so can result in children's death. i'm not saying that is likely here but they have to be thorough. and i know it's horrible when sw's are detached and come across as hostile, but honestly it's sometimes the only way some people can do this very difficult job.

you say there was previously a risk of harm, they need to ensure this risk has been eradicated. if you feel able to talk about this risk then maybe i can give you more specific advice.

i know it goes against everything as a parent, but if you engage with them and prove yourself they will close your case.

i know what i've said here isn't what you necessarily wanted to hear but i hope i've clarified the processes a little for you.
if you need any more advice or support just ask x

Bloodymary · 28/12/2010 11:39

Agree with gingerjam.

Goblinchild · 28/12/2010 11:41

Do the school have evidence that they notified you about the check up?
I've never known ss become involved solely on the basis of a parent wanting to HE or denying permission for a medical exam, so I'm unsure what other factors are involved.

HappyHECmanay · 28/12/2010 11:44

So they were once at risk of harm?

Well, then, you can't be cross with social services. If they were involved because your children were at risk of harm, then it is a long process to show that they are no longer at risk. They can't just drop off in a day, you know.

And far better that they are involved where i's not needed. We've all seen the news where it's happened the other way.

Without knowing more info, it's hard to understand the situation.

Goblinchild · 28/12/2010 11:46

Why are you raising your grandaughter, Bloodymary? Where are her parents?

Bloodymary · 28/12/2010 11:49

My Daughter is a heroin addict

The spermdoner Father is a useless alcoholic.

Goblinchild · 28/12/2010 12:01

So you stepped in to care for your grandchild, rather than leave her in a potentially dangerous situation, or have her fostered?
Have SS backed off now they see what a fantastic job yo are doing, or are they still as intrusive?
It is irritating to be judged by those much younger and less experienced than you. I get it in my job on a regular basis.

Bloodymary · 28/12/2010 12:22

Gobilnchild, little girl was born addicted to opiates so she was never going to be given to my Daughter.
If I hadnt stepped in she would have been fostered at first, and eventually adopted.
I could not let that happen, so I said that I would look after her.
That was when all the 'assesing' started.
I had to give up my job as little girl needed to be weaned off of opiates, and SS were constantly coming around (sometimes unanounced) and they stood over me and made notes constantly
I am very experienced with babies, so I often had to silently count to 10(0).
All of their experience (well the younger ones anyway) comes from books, and I quite often corrected them on the finer details.
Little girl is now 5. They finally backed off when she was 3.
So now we have an annual meeting. (Dont really know why, perhaps they are just checking that I havnt developed a crack habit)!!!
Phew, that was long, bet you wished you had nevar asked)

Goblinchild · 28/12/2010 12:27

No, I'm pleased I asked. Good to know that your grandaughter has family to love and care for her. I was just wondering about the OP, what else is going on to set SS on her trail and whether if she cooperates the scrutiny will lessen as the fears for the child/ren are calmed.
And from your account, that's what happened.

thesunshinesbrightly · 28/12/2010 14:15

I had a meeting with ss when the ss said 'their seems no reason for us to be involved' and next breath said 'have you checked their height and weight' so the bullshit still continues.
I mean surely they have something better to do with their time...Twats.

raspberryroo · 28/12/2010 14:18

Bloodymary :)

gingerjam · 28/12/2010 15:57

SS read my notes wrong and took "doesn't talk to family anymore due to abusive childhood and wishes to protect child from this"

I was sexually abused as an child and have had therapy in my adult life to deal with this. I was years out of therapy and doing very well.

SS said I would abuse my child as I had been abused and proceeded to try and take my child away from me when I was 30 weeks pregnant. I spent the rest of my pregnancy getting a lawyer and fighting them off.

They completely broke all the rules and had no reason to do what they did. It took 9 months to get rid of them after they hounded me throughout the delivery and c section recovery in hospital, sent people to my house everyday for several hours to watch me with my child and made me go to a child protection meeting to fight some more. Their final justification was that they were being more vigilant after baby p. Like my life wasn't shit enough already they had to do that. If my partner hadn't have been a lawyer I think they would have won too.

people didn't support us as they just said there must be a reason. No reason just more funding for ss for every child they get on child protection register. They just want to get paid.

reinitindear · 28/12/2010 16:04

gingerjam that is awful thank goodness you had the legal backing you needed.Sadly not everyone does my friend had them involved after her neighbour reported her 4dc's for being unclean.Alltey were doing was playing out in the garden ffs and it took her years o get rid of them.

blueshoes · 28/12/2010 16:42

Some pretty horrendous accounts of SS here. Then you get other accounts where people make multiple reports and SS are nowhere. Why is it so difficult to get the balance right?

I sometimes wonder whether SS concentrates on easy cases ie co-operative carers/parents and let the Baby P perpetrators off the hook because they are too intimidating ...

sleepingsowell · 28/12/2010 17:44

I work in adult social work, and have worked in SS for years, and have been lucky to have hard working colleagues totally committed to trying to play their part in making people's lives better. It's threads like this that remind me again how much I can't WAIT to be out of Social Work. in 3 years our main debts are paid off, and I'm going to be doing something else! It's an absolute mug's game where you're damned if you do and damned if you don't and I am quite looking forward to shelf stacking at tescos

Goblinchild · 28/12/2010 17:56

Agreed, it's a more thankless, heartbreaking and stressful job than almost any other.
I've taught in some shit schools, but I'd rather flip burgers than be a social worker.
You get a kicking from everyone, clients, bosses, press, Joe Bloggs...
Enjoy shelf-stacking, and the unbroken night's sleep that results from a job with little consequence if it goes wrong.

taintedsnow · 28/12/2010 18:11

This is such a sad thread. Social workers, on the whole, are wonderful people. There are bad eggs everywhere, but it's disturbing to hear them being blanket abused like this.

Some awful stories here, but please remember the majority are not horrible. gingerjam, I am horrified that you compared SS to nazis, what a horrible and unwarranted to say. :(

sleepingsowell · 28/12/2010 18:20

realised I have been a bit rude and not addressed the OP. Just need clarification of the facts, it's not clear from the OP how, when, why SS have become involved and what assessment is being undertaken. A bit more info needed before I could see where things are awry I think.

Goblinchild · 28/12/2010 18:22

I've always been amazed anyone goes into the profession at all, and I bet the retention rates over 5 years are dreadful.
But without them, can anyone honestly think that the needs of the people they deal with on a daily basis would be met any better?
If every social worker in the UK suddenly quit, would that make the critics happier? Would they rush to fill the jobs, sure that they could do it better?
Don't think so.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6