to be fing fed off at ss.....

[nilbymaaf]

I mean really....I feel like a criminal now. Why are they assessing me as a parent? All I did was try to protect my babies. My 5 year old autistic son had a medical examination at school, without my consent and without me there... He has been unable to sleep since and is still traumatised. The only reason I know is that he repeats things using echolalia all the time and has been saying ' what a healthy boy' 'open up say aaaah' I thought it was a bit strange and then the penny dropped. How dare they do that to him, I don't even know what they did. Why didn't they tell me, I wouldn't have refused permission.
Yes I know they have a job to do, but why act like this?

Ok - look

the focus on entirely unrelated things is normal - they need to build an entire picture of who they are talking to. Unfortunately that does involve digging deep into the past (exH and I were both asked about as far back as our childhood).

her focus on your DD was probably because they won't get a report from the schools for her, not I doubt (unless she's been a sickly baby) much to go on from GP's records of visits either - both things they use for the initial assessment.

The line of questioning IS awful - I remember it well - she probed and probed and probed me so much about when I had depression and took and OD 2 1/2yrs before the thing that she was there for occurred so much I was in tears for days going over things which I'd previously managed to move on from about that time in my life.

Of course you won't have to probe far to find horror stories. IT's the way the world goes - however if you ask for the positives I'm 100% sure you'll also get some of those as well.

I need to go sleep now - am going out tomorrow evening (woohoo!)

But I think you should

1. Hide this thread
2. Start another thread (anywhere but AIBU - Chat, Relationship wherever) and just give a brief outline (you can nick mine if you like or what has happened so far. You don't need details, just enough so people know that A happened, you did B, and C is happening now.

And ask for advice/support for what will happen next/what the likely outcome will be.

Yes - you'll get a few horror stories appearing (you always do on MN on any thread) but then you'll get what you need right now.

Which is support - not a debate.

Once you're through the assessment, and all of this tough stuff at the start then you can come back and argue to your hearts content.

oh - and stop googling for worst case scenario stories.

The babies being adopted out is true. I think this thread is symptomatic of social workers approach - ignore the point of the thread and tear apart the one little nazi comment.

Social workers are not nazis.

There are individuals in the profession who do an absolutely terrible job and destroy individuals and families in the process and that is why people badmouth the whole profession. I think SW might get more sympathy if they admitted that and then as a profession they could start dealing with it. The whole baby p thing just got the ball rolling and now they seem to have stopped any progress.

I think ss would rub people up the wrong way less so if they were honest about the power they have and read people their rights then there wouldn't be all the shock when people realize their parental rights are coming into question.

When SS get it wrong they criminalize innocent people and leave a breadth of misery in their wake. There are rules for how you deal with actual criminals in case they are innocent and you don't infringe on their human rights. The same process is not applied to parents. I know there are bad parents and children do need protecting but I don't believe that justifies making innocent people suffer because it leaves them fearful and bitter.

Do all the SW who have made comment and ignored what the parents have been through at the hands of SS but then pedantically pick up the use of language feel it is fair to leave innocent parents angry, bitter and scared of losing their children forever? That seems reckless and questionable to me.

That was my initial point, though skyswept expresses it better.

All I want from SS is an apology for the untruths they have written about me. Not just subjective or perceived untruths but empirically verifiable inaccuracies - illnesses I never suffered from, meetings which never took place, the prior professional relationship between the SW in question and DH. SS were forced to admit everything which was untrue, and all I want is an apology. But because I'm a potential child abuser, I'm no longer worth the courtesy or respect of an apology.

It is that disrespect to which I take exception. To draw an analogy between that and how the Nazis regarded the Jews is, of course, offensive. But rather than condemning those who make such comments, should SWs not be seeking to understand how they feel rather than aggressively taking offence?

Sadly sometimes SS do get it wrong. And sadly there are some bad eggs working in SS who can do appalling damage. And some people who were no doubt well-intentioned but have become jaundiced or are working in a department that is under-staffed and badly led and doing an awful lot of damage to their clients - Doncaster or Brent in recent years, for example. And of course there are dedicated SWs who do their level best in impossibly stressful circumstances.

Doesn't do anyone any good for SWs to get defensive rather than admitting that things sometimes go terribly wrong. Doctors and nurses seem a hell of a lot readier to admit that there are fuck ups in their fields, possibly because of Bristol, I don't know.

The SWs who were caught on camera lying and tormenting children in the Oldham 'satanic abuse' panic are still working in the profession. That tells you a lot about the way SS deal with destructive incompetent, even malevolent people in their midst.

Why are SW so dismissive about accountability when everybody else has to have standards? I think putting quite widespread bad practice down to "a few bad apples" is how ss is getting itself a reputation. I've seen ss lie about things and then dismiss their own poor conduct. it is quite a crusade to save abused children and which such a noble prize at the end of the quest, it is going to seem fair play to tread on parents to get results but you simply cannot go around destroying innocent people's lives and not expect to be called on it. It happens repeatedly. That is a shame that is going to add up one day to a backlash. If it is ex abused children being social workers then they are going to vilify parents. That seems like ethically questionable ground.

Two reasons, I think.

Firstly, class. Mostly, it's only the working classes, poor and undereducated who have child protection measures imposed on them. When I complained to SS about what happened to me, it was painfully clear that their complaints process was unable to deal with a professionally-educated mother literate enough to use the law to point out where they'd cocked up. In the end, an embarrassed senior manager had to admit to me that her SWs had not been able to understand the 'long words' I'd used to them.

Secondly, child abuse as an issue of moral absolute and social panic. There seems to be such a paranoia about children being harmed that it becomes justifiable for SS to do anything to innocent parents in the name of child protection. However, as an earlier poster pointed out, doctors also deal with issues of life and death... and the doctors responsible for all those baby deaths in Bristol had no hesitation in taking responsibility for and apologising for their actions.

So if social work gets itself likened to Naziam, again, it should stop and reflect why it is making innocent people feel that...

"I think part of the problem is that when SWs/SS do an amazing job, the resulting 'success' is still a tragedy for all concerned. A child may be in care suffering from the lifelong effects of abuse and separation and this is the best outcome. It's always a fucking tragedy.

The public never hear about these 'successes'- and nor should they. However, this leaves most people's perception of SS formed by either their own or friends' involvement which is often painful and traumatic, or by media coverage of SS' failures"

thethersend has said it absolutely, 100%, perfectly. That completely sums up the profession.

Nilby, I hope you get some practical help if you start another thread.

Nilbymaaf

Sorry you have had such a traumatic time. I have had SS involved before and luckily (reading these horror stories) all went okay, they saw we were fine, and that was pretty much it. So while I can fully understand the panic, and the intrusion, they are not all bad, and as Baroque said, chances are that SS involvement will diminish. Letting them see that you and your DCs are just fine is the best thing you can do to stop their continuing involvement.

Good luck Nilby. I hope all works out for you and your family.