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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be fing fed off at ss.....

136 replies

nilbymaaf · 28/12/2010 02:50

I mean really....I feel like a criminal now. Why are they assessing me as a parent? All I did was try to protect my babies. My 5 year old autistic son had a medical examination at school, without my consent and without me there...Angry He has been unable to sleep since and is still traumatised. The only reason I know is that he repeats things using echolalia all the time and has been saying ' what a healthy boy' 'open up say aaaah' I thought it was a bit strange and then the penny dropped. How dare they do that to him, I don't even know what they did. Why didn't they tell me, I wouldn't have refused permission.
Yes I know they have a job to do, but why act like this?

OP posts:
MsKLo · 28/12/2010 21:50

oh goodness, just read all this thread and lot of ill feeling going on here!

gingerjam I can totally understand your anger at the social services

tainted snow you always come across as a really nice person and it is a shame that this has become such a bun fight, but we cannot know how gingerjam feels/felt and may not have been the place to call her up on her replies? I don't know, you are right that there are many good social workers out there but what happened to gingerjam is so horrific and unjust I am not surprised she hates the whole lot of them

feelings are running high, I have been on threads and been in some bunfights for far far less so I really feel for you gingerjam but I also know that taintedsnow (from what i have seen of her on other threads) is a really reasonable poster so I hope you can both let bygones be bygones

good luck OP and sorry to hear you have also had such a hard time

taintedsnow · 28/12/2010 21:55

Thanks MsKLo. :)

I don't hold grudges, so there will be no future recriminations from me whatsoever.

MsKLo · 28/12/2010 22:01

I know you don't

I still remember how lovely you were to me when I was in a bun and currant doladolala (?!) a few weekends ago

you are lovely!

do you live in the middle of the country by any chance!?!

IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 28/12/2010 22:10

Baroq I have just realised who you are. Xmas Grin have often thought about you and wondered how you are.
Never knew what your current name was or even if you were still here.

taintedsnow · 28/12/2010 22:12

Aw, you're very sweet. That's such a nice thing to say. :) I remember you from other threads too.

Pregnant brain is preventing me from remembering what the particular thread was, but I'm glad I was able to help!

I am in the South East, why do you ask?

MsKLo · 28/12/2010 22:17

Just wondered if you lived anywhere near me taintedsnow! I live east mids...

yes, all threads merge into one sometimes! lol

when baby due? is it the first? second? tenth? !!!!

BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree · 28/12/2010 22:23

Ineedacleaner - yes it's me Xmas Smile

He's an exH now (actually nothing to do with what happened.......well kind of - he got better and it turned out he was still the general tosser I split up with initially - the illness - while being the cause of the key incident - also made him into a really nice bloke to live with the rest of the time Confused.)

I think he was quite upset with himself when he came out of hospital and realised that we were back together and he didn't want us to be together - and never really had.

Had a rocky 6 months or so - (and a few wobbles in the last 6 months) - but on the up and up now.

lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs · 28/12/2010 22:24
taintedsnow · 28/12/2010 22:27

Ah! I'm in Herts.

Got eight weeks to go now. First baby, second child (my four-year-old nephew lives with me). It's starting to feel very real now!

taintedsnow · 28/12/2010 22:28

Where did you work lisa?

Original poster
nilbymaaf · 28/12/2010 22:30

Gingerjam, so sorry to hear about what you went throughSad I know what you mean about the fear.
I know that ss do not have to inform me about the medical examination, but they could have done. The danger was not from me and I should have been notified. My poor ds was put through unnecessary trauma. He has since stopped using his pecs and refuses to communicate, he is petrified of having his nappy changed and won't take a bath Sad, now that was not necessary.....I will never stop being angry about that.
Baroq has already summed up my situation, and I don't have anything else to add on that.
BloodyMary, you are such a fantastic gran, your lucky gdd.
I am not being cynical when I say, they probably left you alone when she was 3, because she was less adoptable then.
I had read stories about forced adoption, social workers taking children without good reason, and never thought I would be in the same situation. I now fear for my dd, and the ss left behind a very rancid stink indeed

OP posts:
IneedacleanerIamalazyslattern · 28/12/2010 22:31

Sounds like things are on the up, really happy for you Xmas Smile you were often on my mind glad it was a happier outcome.

BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree · 28/12/2010 22:32

nillbymaaf - DS3 was only just 2 when they were involved with us - and he was the only one that actually witnessed what happened. Absolutely no hint at all of any sort of forced adoption or taking him into care.

BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree · 28/12/2010 22:36

and I'm just thinking - the initial assessment will involve talking to the schools and GP etc about your DC. With your DD being so young still they won't have those to go on so by default have to focus more closely on her when they're with you as they won't have the "extra" reports from school etc

Original poster
nilbymaaf · 28/12/2010 22:37

I am relieved for you Baroq, and so happy that your sweet yds didn't have to go through additional trauma.
But others haven't been so fortunate to have a decent(ish) sw. I know there are some positive stories (as you have pointed out to me very patiently Grin), but I still have a bad taste in my mouth.
Something needs to be done about ss, and it is not just a question of funding

OP posts:
MsKLo · 28/12/2010 22:37

good luck taintedsnow! would love to chat via inbox sometime if you have the time to message me!

very exciting times ahead for you! whoo hoo!

taintedsnow · 28/12/2010 22:40

Thank you! Yes, feel free to inbox me. :)

BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree · 28/12/2010 22:42

well - it was a huge shock for them to have all these extra people coming to our home - usually very few visitors but in an average week (in the early days we'd have)

exH's "team" - his CPN etc (sometimes we'd get 2 visits a week from them - different people in the team

Health Visitor

CP SW

FSW

and because of what had happened and the fact that DS1 and 2 only knew vague details ("daddy wasn't well and he t hurt mummy, mummy consequently looks like she's done 10 rounds with tyson, and daddy suddenly disppeared for 3 weeks into hospital where they only visited twice") there was lots of talking in hushed tones. Was really unsettling for them.

Prior to that if we were lucky we'd have one visitor a week - my BF coming round for coffee on a Monday and maybe 2 or 3 meetings a month I hosted in the evenings with my BF and another good friend.

Original poster
nilbymaaf · 28/12/2010 22:49

That sounds shite Baroque, really awful Sad
I don't know how you put up with it all, I have only had a few visits (one official one)and have had enough.
I don't know the answer to improving ss, but being on the receiving end of it all is crap.
The worst of it all, is I feel ashamed. Ashamed that ss come to my house, are asking questions about my ds's at school. Now more people know about ex and my dc can never escape him. I can never get away from those who think I should have seen him for what he is Sad

OP posts:
altinkum · 28/12/2010 22:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs · 28/12/2010 22:58

well said altinkum :)

altinkum · 28/12/2010 23:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
nilbymaaf · 28/12/2010 23:03

Actually, calling someone a 'simple minded pleb', shows just what type of attitude you have.
I see your job hasn't left you feeling bitter then Hmm

OP posts:
MsKLo · 28/12/2010 23:06

altinkum

a powerful post and I am humbled by the things you have seen and dealt with

one of my dear friends left social work as she was destroyed by what she had to deal with and the lack of authority she had when it came to terrible parents who still had their kids and also by some terrible social workers she worked with

i can understand the OP's and Gingerjams anger but I also understand why you said what you did and the social workers who dealt with cases like gingerjam's in particular are a stain on good social workers like you

thank you for doing the job you do and doing it well - it is just a shame that there are bad social workers too, as is the case in every profession

altinkum · 28/12/2010 23:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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