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Original poster

to be fing fed off at ss.....

136 replies

nilbymaaf · 28/12/2010 02:50

I mean really....I feel like a criminal now. Why are they assessing me as a parent? All I did was try to protect my babies. My 5 year old autistic son had a medical examination at school, without my consent and without me there...Angry He has been unable to sleep since and is still traumatised. The only reason I know is that he repeats things using echolalia all the time and has been saying ' what a healthy boy' 'open up say aaaah' I thought it was a bit strange and then the penny dropped. How dare they do that to him, I don't even know what they did. Why didn't they tell me, I wouldn't have refused permission.
Yes I know they have a job to do, but why act like this?

OP posts:
gingerjam · 28/12/2010 20:12

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

pooka · 28/12/2010 20:14

You are being incredibly offensive.

(not a social worker. But someone who finds it personally offensive when the term 'nazi' is used so completely out of context)

taintedsnow · 28/12/2010 20:15

Excuse me?! If you're implying what I think you're implying, you are unbelievable. Would you like to clarify?!

I've tried to understand you, and if you read back through my posts, you will see that.

I suggest you get some RL help to deal with what's happened to you. The type of misguided anger you are displaying is disturbing.

BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree · 28/12/2010 20:17

FWIW - I had SS involved with us, and although the first SW from CP was awful (and rather slack with her date protection - handing me the report on one of my DS's with an email containing details of another family, children names and DOB's stapled to the bottom of it Xmas Shock) I found it interesting by the time SS intervention with our family stopped (thankfully only a few months later) she was no longer working as as a SW.

Everyone else we saw (Except for her) were fantastic, and they could have made life very difficult as the person they saw as the "risk" was still living in the house with us.

It is possible - OP - that the medical check was that standar one they have in reception. You may have signed a consent form (in among 1000000000 other forms at the start of the school year) saying they could do it. (or it could be lurking at the bottom of a book bag/draw).

I know it's still early days from when the person that they were at risk of has left - and at this stage they are still assessing. This is the worst part. IME chances are because of the action you've taken (you're no longer with him) and aren't intending to have him back once this stage is out of the way it will be much easier, and you could well find this is the chance to grab any extra support you may need for your DS's SN's.

maryz · 28/12/2010 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree · 28/12/2010 20:21
maryz · 28/12/2010 20:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree · 28/12/2010 20:27

no problem. Trying to give her some advise - knowing her back story, but without wanting to give too many details - but enough to give people an idea of what is going on >

SofiaAmes · 28/12/2010 20:27

I have lots of sympathy for gingerjam. I can imagine that fighting for your child against people wielding power without responsibility might make one very very angry and bitter.

taintedsnow · 28/12/2010 20:31

We've all got sympathy for her, but no situation justifies calling people nazis, Sofia.

OP, I'm sorry this thread has been hijacked by such nonsense. I have a friend who has been through issues with school to do with her autistic son, and the only thing I can think of to advise is never go to a meeting alone, even if it's just a friend or family member who is with you, back up is back up.

skyswept · 28/12/2010 20:35

I agree with sofiaAmes. I feel protective of my child and I've never been through something like that. I think empathy and understanding are hard to apply if you have never had to suffer like that.

SofiaAmes · 28/12/2010 20:38

I disagree with you taintedsnow. I did not see the posts before they were deleted, so do not know what else gingerjam said, but I have been called much nastier things than a nazi here on mumsnet by people with much less justification than a mother who fought for her child tooth and nail for a year. I think that given gingerjam's experience I can see perfectly well why she may equate social services to the nazis.

taintedsnow · 28/12/2010 20:45

That's fine, Sofia, you're entitled to disagree. :)

It's not fair of me to go into the posts, they were deleted for very good reason and they need to stay that way so I won't dredge up what was said. But I will point out that at no point have I not had sympathy, and I would fully expect anger from anyone who had been through such a rough time. It is simply a shame that perspective is lost with that and people doing a great job in difficult circumstances are shat all over because some of their colleagues are bad.

skyswept · 28/12/2010 20:45

Taintedsnow, I think if you had to fight for your new baby then you would find the people responsible akin to the worse thing possible. People are entitled to their feelings.

taintedsnow · 28/12/2010 20:46

They are not all responsible though are they? That was my point. Aside from the fact that 'nazi' should not be used as an insult, not all SWs are shit.

lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs · 28/12/2010 20:51

they dont need your permission to do a physical if they think your child is at risk of abuse. From that you wrote it seems SS are already involved and this wasnt the school medical but a ss one, have i got that right?
If they are assessing you, i would think they have some concerns, if its just the school medical, they should have informed you but the school are in the wrong not ss.

As for some of the posts here, I would like to know what you would do to make ss better. The burn out rate is huge, the case loads are terrible and tbh its a scary job to do. I often think of the decisions I have made in the past and wonder about the families I worked with. Just know you dontr always have the full information. I remember one meeting sitting in and having to see a poor mother who found out her other half (fathe rof baby) had 93 convications she didnt know about!!
Like any job, they are some real idiots and some very judgey people but trust me its not a job you take lightly!

skyswept · 28/12/2010 20:53

taintedsnow, if that was your point it does not come across. What comes across is you being a bit of a bully to someone who has had a bad time. The "nazi" part was not as strong as you are making out and you have just demonized a mum who sounds like a hard time. Shame on you.

SofiaAmes · 28/12/2010 20:54

I would be very surprised if someone who went through what gingerjam went through, had "perspective" about social workers. I have had very some very negative interactions with social services in England when they failed to protect my stepchildren from the violent heroin addicted boyfriend of their mother, but I can still maintain some perspective even though I did not interact with a single competent social worker. However, if I had been fighting them for my own children, I'm sure that I would be just as angry and perspective-less as gingerjam.

BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree · 28/12/2010 20:55

I agree its not on to call an entire professions nazi's.

I had ONE absolute bitch of a SW, yes I probably would go as far as calling her a Nazi actually. Absolutely vile woman who didn't listen to a word I, exH, or exH MH team said. And actually told me that I obviously didn't care much about my chilren if I was upset about not being allowed to leave the house without them for the foresseable (At that time) future while my exH could come and go as he pleased.

However, she was the ONLY one - once she had been bipassed and another SW with the CP had been spoken to while it was still tough, and unpleasant having people probing into our past they were actually very good.

And I had a brief encounter with them again recently (Thankfully this time over the phone) after exH had managed to get himself arrested while in charge of the DS's.....again absolutely lovely.

I can see exactly where taintedsnow is coming from - having been the one with CP knocking on my door twice (well once the phone) in the space of a year

taintedsnow · 28/12/2010 20:57

I'm sorry you feel that way sky, I really am. I'm not demonising anyone, and if you check back over the thread, you will see that I was not the only person offended here. I think I was the only one indirectly called a nazi though.

I'm not a bully. Shame on you for calling me that. The way 'nazi' was being used was horrific, and I'm not making it out to be more or less than it was.

The whole way though my comments here, I have had sympathy for the situation described, it was horrific and I described it as such. But I object to offensive terms being used to describe an entire profession of people who don't deserve it. I've not made SS out to be angels because they're not, and I've said there are bad people in the job, of course there are.

But I will not be called a bully, that was out of order.

SofiaAmes · 28/12/2010 20:58

lisad123... Unfortunately, the problem is fundamentally one of training and staffing. And of course without more funding that can't be improved. We have similar problems here in the USA, but the family court proceedings are much more transparent than in the UK, so if there are miscarriages of justice, it's much easier to fight and expose them. However, the fundamental problem of lack of funding is similar.

BaroqinAroundTheChristmasTree · 28/12/2010 20:58

They are also incredibly over stretched (and I can't imagine the cuts in the budget are going to help). I can't remember the exact figures - but I know our FSW who were were passed onto after CP had "finished" with us had around 30 families she was supposed to be working with.

That's 30 families she was supposed to be supporting and visiting at least once a week - and I know from reading the local paper at the time that some of those were very serious cases as well.

countless · 28/12/2010 21:07

until recently i would have been extremely suspicious of anyone criticising sw's but then a close family member had to deal with them regularly and i've been appalled by the sw's behaviour.
these sw have been underhand, spiteful and deliberately confrontational, falsified reports, misquoted and behaved in a way which really does bring the whole profession into disrepute and makes me question the ethics of ss in the uk

lisad123isasnuttyasaboxoffrogs · 28/12/2010 21:18

I dont believe it is funding in the way we think. Its a thankless job with people who are under huge pressure! Raising wages would maybe bring in more SW, but those that take jobs for money maybe arent the ones best for the job. The problem is SS are where blame lays for most things even though they are meant to be supported by health and police Hmm
TBH I do think that alot is to do with where we live now. Previously if you had a problem, mum, nan, aunt would be there to lend a hand, step in and advise you. This just doesnt happen anymore and so SS are meant to be all things to all people.
I lasted 6 years before I couldnt take it anymore :(

StAnne · 28/12/2010 21:44

Lisad Sorry, I think you are thinking of the past with rose tinted glasses. Many, many people had to suffer abuse from the very people you would think loved you. Women used to run from their homes and be left homeless! or just continue to suffer until they in turn into bitter people. Or marry unsuitable people to get out of the family Mental patients just abandoned. Life is just not perfect and it's tough lesson for all. I won't be a SW for all the Tea in China. I also give thanks every bloody day for my good fortune that may change in a blink of an eye!