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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask for travel agent vouchers for a wedding gift?

94 replies

Vornie · 26/12/2010 18:28

This is my first post - have been lurking for some time!

DP proposed yesterday, it was wonderful. That was not the only surprise though, he has also booked the church for May 28th 2011. My parents live in Australia and it coincides with their visit so Dad can give me away etc. We have decided to postpone the honeymoon until autumn 2011 as I want to spend the fortnight following the wedding with my parents (I won't have seen them for 18 months).

DP and I have been living together for five years and have everything we need. AIBU to ask for travel agent vouchers towards our belated honeymoon?

OP posts:
SerendipitousHarlot · 26/12/2010 18:30

I personally think that yes, YABU. I don't agree with asking for stuff 'towards' something else for a wedding present. And am also slightly Shock that he only proposed yesterday but you are already thinking what to ask for for wedding gifts!

Congratulations though Smile

omnietyinstables · 26/12/2010 18:31

I have been to weddings where they have done it - bit better to do it through debenhams though - a very small gift list and then vouchers as they can be spent on Virgin holidays inhouse.

I hate all sorts of gift lists though sorry.

begonyabampot · 26/12/2010 18:31

Congratulations!

Personally I'd be delighted to give you vouchers towards your honeymoon if I was a guest, something you really want and I don't have to scratch my head thinking of a gift.

Just don't mention it in the invites, that seems to go down badly with some.

Original poster
Vornie · 26/12/2010 18:33

Thanks for the congratulations - am only thinking of the gifts as we have to get the invitations out very soon! Only got 5 months to plan the wedding, am not mercenary at all!

OP posts:
Original poster
Vornie · 26/12/2010 18:34

Friends have been asking about gift registry etc

OP posts:
borderslass · 26/12/2010 18:34

YANBU. When my niece got married last year I asked her if they had a wedding gift list and she just said they where just asking for dollars, they'd been together since start of uni so had everything they needed.

LeChatRouge · 26/12/2010 18:38

I always want to give the happy couple something they really want - if you want vouchers, ask away. We have given B&Q ones to a couple making over their garden, John Lewis ones to a couple having a new kitchen and money towards a honeymoon for one couple.

Absolutely fine.

I don't think you are too early - I have a 'save the date' card for a wedding for 2012!

Original poster
Vornie · 26/12/2010 18:40

I think my inner Bridezilla is emerging - am flapping because 5 months is not long!

OP posts:
TrillianAstra · 26/12/2010 18:51

If your friends/family really care about you (and not about etiquette/tradition), they will want to give you a gift that you will value, not what they think is an "appropriate" wedding gift.

parakeet · 26/12/2010 18:53

It wouldn't bother me in the slightest. Congratulations.

Re five months, I organised mine in two. Not a problem.

begonyabampot · 26/12/2010 18:55

We only had about 5 or 6 months for ours, a traditional church do with about 90 odds at the meal and the venue was 400 miles away. Saying that we weren't too fussy and cut some corners which in the end was good as we were quite laissez faire and flew by the seat of our pants rather than getting wound up and bridezilla like. You'll be fine as long as you're not a perfectionist or control freak.

Lonnie · 26/12/2010 18:58

No you are not Unresonable but be preparred that many will go offlist. a lot of people do not care for giving stuff like that for weddings

Congratulations

EllieDawn · 26/12/2010 19:07

Not unreasonable, I did the same for my wedding last year, I had been living with my fiance for a couple of years already so we really didn't need much house stuff so asked for financial contribution towards our honeymoon as we wanted the holiday of a lifetime before starting a family.

loopylou6 · 26/12/2010 19:08

YABU to ask for anything

Original poster
Vornie · 26/12/2010 19:08

I am definitely not a control freak, I am really excited that we are finally getting married!! I was just a bit concerned regarding the "etiquette"!

OP posts:
loopylou6 · 26/12/2010 19:09

Congratz tho.

SantasENormaSnob · 26/12/2010 19:10

Depends if you are going to send a shitty poem about presence not presents with the invite or wait until people ask.

Original poster
Vornie · 26/12/2010 19:10

No shitty poems, I promise!!

OP posts:
mazzystartled · 26/12/2010 19:13

Call me old-fashioned (I don't mind) but if I were a minor guest at your wedding, just a friend, and you put it on the invitation I'd find it a bit tacky and expectant. Especially given the current economic climate.

If relatives (or people who can afford to buy more than a token) ask you what you want, though, then it would be a great idea to ask them to chip in towards the honeymoon.

curlymama · 26/12/2010 19:19

Congratulations!

I am a fierce hater of asking for money as a wedding gift, but somehow I don't feel so strongly about honeymoon vouchers. I wouldn't mind giving that at all, but I think it should be said on a website, or on an information sheet you can send out when people have RSVP'd to say that they are coming. I think it is more acceptable if people know that you would never be able to afford a honeymoon without it. If you have a foreign holiday every year anyway though, I would be wary of asking, and may be less inclined to be as generous as I would otherwise. I'm not really sure why I feel like that, but there you have it!

Have a look at different options for doing it, some companies can tempt people to give by offering 'a candlelit dinner for two' or a daytrip of somesort. That way people feel that they are giving something specific, when in reality the money all just goes into one pot. I think from what I heard from a colleague that Trailfinders are supposed to be good.

Glad to hear you won't be using a trashy poem, they make my skin crawl! An honest appreciative sentence stating your prefernce with no expectation is always best.

sleepingsowell · 26/12/2010 19:29

It's always unreasonable to ask for a gift to be given to you. I hate wedding lists and would love to just one day be invited to a wedding without being asked for a present.

howdidthishappenthen · 26/12/2010 19:34

You could ask. I wouldn't give. Prefer not to have my contribution subsumed in a faceless pile of other cash, as I actually enjoy the choosing of the gift and the thought of the couple enjoying it over the years, as part of their married life, and thinking of me as they use it and knowing that wherever I am in the world, I wish them happy in their marriage.

Original poster
Vornie · 26/12/2010 19:36

I don't expect or ask for a gift to be given to us at all! However, many couples have lists at John Lewis etc which are included in the invitations. I just don't want to appear rude! Another poster had a good idea - waiting for the RSVPs and questions.

OP posts:
samay · 26/12/2010 19:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

EBDteacher · 26/12/2010 19:42

We had an account (with Sta travel I think) and if people asked we told them about it and asked for donations towards our honeymoon.

We found that MOST people did ask and we ended up with about £2k in the pot which at the time paid for the honeymoon of a lifetime in Oz- which we would never have been able to dream of otherwise.

I think it's fine to have an arrangement to tell people about if they ask rather than saying' oh really, nothing' and then them buying you something anyway that you don't need.