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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask for travel agent vouchers for a wedding gift?

94 replies

Vornie · 26/12/2010 18:28

This is my first post - have been lurking for some time!

DP proposed yesterday, it was wonderful. That was not the only surprise though, he has also booked the church for May 28th 2011. My parents live in Australia and it coincides with their visit so Dad can give me away etc. We have decided to postpone the honeymoon until autumn 2011 as I want to spend the fortnight following the wedding with my parents (I won't have seen them for 18 months).

DP and I have been living together for five years and have everything we need. AIBU to ask for travel agent vouchers towards our belated honeymoon?

OP posts:

swanandduck · 27/12/2010 10:13

To be honest, I think the concept of 'lists' developed when brides were usually leaving home for the first time to get married and didnt own a cup or a plate or a towel and needed all that stuff to 'set up home'. Nowadays it seems a bit old fashioned. I mean, you wouldn't send out a present list with a christening invitation, or a house warming invite, even though you know people are going to bring presents.

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/12/2010 10:20

yanbu

i have no problem in giving out vouchers or even cool cold cash for weddings or birthdays

makes my life much easier rather than pondering what towel/kettle to buy

i really dont see the difference in paying £20 for a voucher for s honeymoon or £20 buying a toaster

glad you have said no to poems, i think they are so naff

muminthemiddle · 27/12/2010 11:52

Do not "ask" for anything. Wait until people approach you and ask you what you would like. Then I feel it is acceptable to say we are saving up for a holiday.

Be prepared for some guests not to give vouchers or cash though.

Whatever you do do not include one of those dreadful poems in with the invite!

fluffles · 27/12/2010 12:02

my experience is the absolute opposite, we were careful about not putting a list into hte invitations and all on standby to tell people who asked that we'd like travel vouchers (towards a big trekking trip to south america a year after the wedding before ttc) but most people because we didn't put anything in just sent us a cheque 'because it was easier'.

so don't believe those who say that people don't like giving money. if you don't provide a list it seems that's what they do.

we paid the cheques into the voucher account and have booked our trip of a lifetime which we wouldn't have without that money - and we'll send postcards to everybody who contributed and we'll have the memories for a lifetime (longer than a casserole dish).

ManicMother7777 · 27/12/2010 12:40

Agree entirely with Mum in the Middle, well put.

ChaoticChristmasAngelCrackers · 27/12/2010 13:21

YANBU

Do not send anything in the invites other than the invitation. Wait for people to ask you then request vouchers but make it clear if they want to buy you something else then that is welcome too.

As for those who mentioned money/vouchers being seen as an 'entry fee'. Well you could say the same with actual presents, they could be seen as payment in kind.

Caboodle · 29/12/2010 17:40

Congratulations. YANBU and I would be relieved that you had taken all of the hard work out of the present buying. If I am going to a wedding I expect to buy a present and I would rather buy what the bride/groom actually want/need. We gave currency to DH's friend and we were really very happy when they used it to buy tickets to a show in Vegas which they wouldn't be able to afford otherwise. And I have NEVER thought a wedding list / request for cash in an invite is grasping.

HelenaCC · 29/12/2010 18:55

I think nothing of being given a John Lewis or other such wedding list card in an invite but I hate hate hate being asked for cash. Vouchers are borderline acceptable. IF you actually ask for travel vouchers NOT the cash. Could you not compromise with a small gift list & the option of say Thomas Cook vouchers?

Blu · 29/12/2010 19:05

You say you hve everything you need, so enjoy the wedding for what it represents between you.

That would be a wonderul trend to set, since the original purpose of wedding presents is rarely relevant these days.

See here

Tanso · 29/12/2010 20:37

I know how you feel. I live in Uk and married my English man in Australia this year. We traveled over with new baby, our backpacks already full. My family is the type to give presents. There was no way I could carry any gifts back to the UK and we had used all of our savings to on the tickets to oz.

I felt embarrassed but I did put on the invites of some "due to the international nature of our wedding and the size of our luggage gifts are not expected. If you would like to give something money toward our honeymoon would be most appreciated"

I only wrote it on the aunts, uncles, grandparents etc. The friend invites I left with no gift comment (and I got a load of things from them I had to leave in a box at my mums in Australia.)

The money we received meant we could have a honey moon in Australia, we were able to afford our share in a road trip with our friends who had traveled from England to be at the wedding.

Everyone is different

dipndazzle · 29/12/2010 20:51

We went to a wedding in september where the couple had put a website address on the invitation for the company they booked their honeymoon with and people could contribute to their spending money or buy them different experiences for the trip - e.g 3x£30 safari and elephant experience so us and another set of friends all put in money and paid for the whole thing but it only cos us £30. I would rather give something that is of some use than not have a clue and buy something that will sit in the back of a cupboard. Good luck x

snowflake69 · 29/12/2010 21:31

I think thats a good idea. Its best to get something useful than a load of rubbish you dont want or need.

A1980 · 29/12/2010 23:15

At the risk of sounding unpopular, I think it is unreasonable to ask for anything. Beleive it or not wedding guests are not obliged to give you a gift.

Weddings are a celebration of two people making a life long commitment to each other not a grab bag for yourselves to get the holiday of a lifetime paid for by your guests.

If you must though, wait until you are asked what you would like as people inevitably will ask. My brother and SIL sent out the most nauseating poem on the inside of their invitation asking for money for a honeymoon instead of a present. I found that profoundly distasteful as an invitation is where you ask someone to be your guest but before you've even RSVP'd you know you'll be expected to cough up cash for a gift. The honeymoon was already paid for before they'd sent their invitations out so basically the guests were being asked to pay off their credit card bill for the honeymoon. This was made worse by the fact that the pair of them had been on an exotic long haul holiday every year for the last few years they'd been together.

Some people may not be able to afford much so it will put them perhaps in an awkward spot of having you know how much they did give you.

LaWeaselMys · 29/12/2010 23:29

We are getting married in er, 3 and a bit weeks. Since, erm, a week and a half ago!

We sent out invites that didn't say anything about gifts, then people asked, so everyone that has 'Yes'd so far has been sent an email with info about hotels and mentioning that there is a gift list, but please God don't feel like you have to buy of it!! It is just an idea of the kind of things we like.

We are not remotely bothered about what we are getting or who from being honest money would be really really useful, but I just can't ask for that, especially since it would go toward paying off overdraft and moving costs so nothing tangible.

Before anyone says we are crazy to spend money on a wedding when we have money issues, my dad is paying for it, and it is a very cheap wedding, or I would never have let him.

LaWeaselMys · 29/12/2010 23:31

What we are getting or who from came out odd. I just meant no expectations from anybody.

Laneigejaune · 29/12/2010 23:33

Congratulations! I had a gift list but didn't send details out with the invites. We waited to be asked instead, and passed on the details then. It worked really well.

Sorry but I hate being asked for money/ vouchers in the invitation. I know loads of people do it but I find it quite insulting, like you can't be trusted to think of something they'd like. Some of the best gifts we had weren't on the list, like some amazing glasses or a case of really nice wine. We got some horrors as well admittedly, but it was a good laugh and there's always eBay.

So I would probably ask for vouchers if you couldn't go away otherwise, but not until you're asked first by your guests.

chillichill · 29/12/2010 23:58

it is normal and acceptable and I really dont understand people who find it offensive. as a society we all accept and agree that you buy people gifts for a wedding, so why not get them what they really want, even if that is am experience rather than a thing.
we used a site called honeymoney. they didn't take a fee and all was done through papal. the best part was that you could personalize everything and link to other websites so people felt like they were buying you an actual present rather than just giving money. we were able to have people buy us dinners out, nights at hotels, excursions, and even cheap things like ice cream or pre dinner drinks. check it out, and congrats!

cat64 · 30/12/2010 00:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

nextchapter · 30/12/2010 00:31

I have just been to a wedding where they simply asked for money apparantly for the honeymoon. At least with vouchers people know where there money is going, if that is what you want then that is what you want. Your day, your choice

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