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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask for travel agent vouchers for a wedding gift?

94 replies

Vornie · 26/12/2010 18:28

This is my first post - have been lurking for some time!

DP proposed yesterday, it was wonderful. That was not the only surprise though, he has also booked the church for May 28th 2011. My parents live in Australia and it coincides with their visit so Dad can give me away etc. We have decided to postpone the honeymoon until autumn 2011 as I want to spend the fortnight following the wedding with my parents (I won't have seen them for 18 months).

DP and I have been living together for five years and have everything we need. AIBU to ask for travel agent vouchers towards our belated honeymoon?

OP posts:
HappyMummyOfOne · 26/12/2010 19:43

YABU, tbh given you only knew about the wedding yesterday it seems a little grasping to be already thinking about what you can get from your guests. I cant believe anybody would ask re presents yet as no invites etc will have been sent out.

If you want a honeymoon then you should fund it yourself. Asking for cash/vouchers is akin to charging an entry fee.

curlymama · 26/12/2010 19:45

I gave out gift lists to people who asked about them, as most did, and it's easy to do after they have replied thanks to the internet. Then I got numerous complaints about how boring our gift list was because I hadn't put 'luxury' items on there. I didn't want people to think we were taking the piss, so I'd put plates and bowls and towels and the like on there. Honestly, I was shocked at how many people didn't want to buy traditional housey type items and wanted to be a bit frivolous instead. A few people told me they were dissapointed they didn't get to buy the obligatory toaster because my Aunt snapped it up as soon as the list opened.

Brides really cannot win when it comes to gifts. They either end up feeling guilty that someone has wasted money on something that will be stored in the loft, or guilty because they have dared to state a preference.

DanceInTheDark · 26/12/2010 19:46

I don't mind giving vouchers for weddings but would find it rude to be asked for holiday vouchers. I don't want to pay for part of 'your day', i want to buy you a gift to celebrate it. We still haven't had a honeymoon (or holiday) 2 years on.

Original poster
Vornie · 26/12/2010 19:46

People have been asking as we have announced it to family and friends! I am not grasping!!!

OP posts:
Iwantscallops · 26/12/2010 19:47

Congratulations! Fantastic idea. If I was a guest I would be more than happy to contribute to your memories that will last for a lifetime.

fallingandlaughing · 26/12/2010 19:48

Congratulations.

As a guest i hate being given gift lists, the only thing worse is being asked for money. Set up travel agent account and if people ask you, then tell them.

hackneyzoo · 26/12/2010 19:50

YANBU. We had an account with Trailfinders, but we didn't send this out on invites, if people asked if we'd like a gift we gave them the details. DP and I had been together for years and have two children, so, TBH, weren't expecting gifts.
The vouchers were great and meant that last summer we were able to go on a family holiday together, which, IMO was a perfect gift from friends and family.

cakewench · 26/12/2010 19:55

My best friend did this. She and her husband took photos along the way- in particular, the restaurants and hotels they were able to afford with the gift money. (I think they said up-front that they could afford airfare but they were hoping to see/do some things they wouldn't normally be able to.) They then posted the photos on the site they'd set up, and sent the password to all of us.

One friend went so far as to contact a winery she was planning on visiting, and purchasing a wine tasting evening from them for her directly.

Now, honestly? It does feel a bit weird, and I don't personally like the concept, but it's better in the long run than just filling your house with more things you don't need, right?

SantosLHalper · 26/12/2010 20:02

Its a lovely idea and people would, I am certain, rather spend their money on something you will enjoy than on more towels or a milk jug!

loopylou6 · 26/12/2010 20:07

Well if people have been asking what you want, what's the point in posting your question? Tbh I hate wedding present requests, what if someone who was invited couldn't afford a substantial amount to give to you? You would be making them feel bad for not being able to satisfy your 'entry fee'. If someone wants to buy you a gift, say 'thank you' and be gratefull.

maighdlin · 26/12/2010 20:08

YANBU i did this for my wedding we had all the home stuff so did a gift list with trailfinders. although we didn't have a good experience with them, basically you pay in full up front then they refund you what people gave. We thought ok and that we would then use that money for spending money but we didn't get it until a week after we returned from honeymoon. also we were booked to fly home business class with silverjet but it went bust the day of our wedding. trailfinders then booked us on pretty much the same flight business class with British Airways but it was more expensive and they took the balance from the money that people had given us. they did admit the mistake but then it was another week for that money to be refunded to us. all in all not that impressed with it it was basically guests give them money which they earn interest on and it didn't pay off our honeymoon or provide spending money.

maighdlin · 26/12/2010 20:10

i should say that we went on honeymoon two days after the wedding. if you were doing a belated honeymoon then it would be fine if you book AFTER the wedding.

expatinscotland · 26/12/2010 20:10

If you can't afford a honeymoon, don't expect other people to pay for it.

panettoinydog · 26/12/2010 20:15

yes yabu. It'll get a lot of people's backs up.

Original poster
Vornie · 26/12/2010 20:17

As I have said before, I am not grasping, nor do I expect my guests to pay an "entrance fee"! However, on numerous occasions, I have been sent invitations containing wedding lists for John Lewis/Debenhams etc.

I am just asking if vouchers are an acceptable alternative.

OP posts:
loopylou6 · 26/12/2010 20:20

I was sent an invitation a few months ago, the wedding list was requesting gifts from Next Hmm As I was skint, and you cart even find a biro in Next for less than twenty quid, I didn't go.

SantosLHalper · 26/12/2010 20:20

Vornie, its fine, I think most people will be happy to contribute and those who aren't can either buy something else or nothing at all. I think word the request carefully and enjoy wherever you end up! Congrats btw x

expatinscotland · 26/12/2010 20:20

If you don't need anything, then don't ask.

mousesma · 26/12/2010 20:22

Its not unreasonable or grasping. These opinions always come up when this type of question is asked but I have never met anyone in real life who shares them.

Firstly I would always want to give the bride and groom something they actually wanted for their wedding present rather than some random present I think they should have so that I can feel all special about my experience of choosing it.

Secondly anyone (even a minor guest) should expect to give a present when they attend a wedding otherwise they are being very rude IMO.

I think most people will want to buy you a present and most will be relieved that you have taken the effort out of present buying.

PinkIsMyFavouriteCrayon · 26/12/2010 20:24

Congratulations!

Good friends of mine asked (after me requesting what they wanted) for travel vouchers. I thought it was a lovely idea, kinda wished we'd done it when we got married a few years ago, we would have been able to do some once in a lifetime things if we had, as it was we couldn't afford to.

mousesma · 26/12/2010 20:24

p.s. it's not like the OP will be turning people away from the church if they don't contribute

panettoinydog · 26/12/2010 20:25

No. There really are lots of epople who dislike being told what to buy. It feels cheap and greedy

mousesma · 26/12/2010 20:27

Equally though there are lots of people who think those type of people are petty and unreasonable :)

Original poster
Vornie · 26/12/2010 20:28

Thank you for all the advice - the next problem is how to lose 3 stone in time for the wedding!

OP posts:
mistletoekisses · 26/12/2010 20:29

Sorry OP, another no here.

Reserve this for immediate family to contribute to if this is what you really want.

You may not want to hear this, but the majority of your guests will not like it, regardless of what a few people may say to you. Pay for the honeymoon yourself.

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