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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think it's mean sending your baby to your childminders on Christmas Eve when you're doing nothing else

237 replies

woahthere · 24/12/2010 00:13

Usually I look after little ones during the day and then get older children ofr after school care. This week I have had the after schoolers during the day along with the little ones. Frequently this week I have had epole show up several hours late because they couldnt be arsed to get out of bed (Yes, I am being paid but it is really annoying when you have to get up and be ready by 8 for people to then not turn up till 10.30 as you cant go anywhere do anyhting in this time).
One family, asked me to do a full day then didt turn up all day. They then asked me to do another full day and turned up at lunchtime. They then asked me to do another half day nad eneded up being an hour late.
Another family, Ive looked afer the babe nearly full time all week. I KNOW for a fact she is doing nothing at the mo and is just at home. She gets all her childcare paid for by her uni, the other day she was meant to pick up her baby at 2.30. At 4 despite me having texted saying 'where are you' I was still waiting, she then turned up na dI could smell that she had been drinking!
Anyway, tomorrow, despite the fact that she had told me that she didnt need me tomorrow she has now said she will be bringing her little one to me after all. There is nothing I can do about it becasue i have been paid to work it but she had said she didnt need me and has now somehow changed her mind. I ahve worked so hard this year, above and beyond the call. She will be at home I know and she said 'I wont drop her off till after lunch because I want to stay in bed tomorrow', so this means, that on Xmas Eve, she intends to drop off her daughter in the afernoon meaning I will be working until 6.
Why would you not want to be with your kids on CHRISTMAS eve fgs! She doesnt need me to work, I think she is just trying to get her bloody money's worth!!

OP posts:
HSMM · 24/12/2010 19:43

Oops! Sorry, you did say 'some' CMs. Apologies

panettoinydog · 24/12/2010 19:53

'dh is still technically working'. What does technically mean in this context?

woahthere · 24/12/2010 20:23

hello, everyone. Was having a very bad day yesterday, raging PMT, absolutely exhausted etc. Can I just confirm something here though. I wrote hastily, the title was silly, but I dont know why everyone is saying that I have been unprofessional, its not as though I sent her a note saying what I did to you lot is it, I was just offloading.
I know if I wanted the day off I should have booked it but I couldnt afford to do that. In the first instance she told me she didnt need me and then she changed her mind the day before, it felt bad to me yesterday because I had got to the end of the day, was just handing over her baby with a Christmas present saying hope you have a lovely holiday, and then she said she might bring her after all. You can surely understand my frustration after she had gone....the end was in sight and then I had it snatched away. I didnt say anything though! And I wouldnt either because I know Ive been paid!
Of course I want my cake and eat it...who doesnt! Of all of you, if your boss said you could leave work early and then changed his mind, I bet youd have a good bitch about it on here. Im only human, I dont think I deserved a beating, but thats what AIBU is about I have realised.
Anyway, its over now, we are all happy, everyone has done their thing and its Christmas tomorrow so forget it, I wish I never said anything, I dont actually know any of you, but some of the things said have made me feel sick - and I havent even done anything wrong, in fact Ive gone out my way all week to help my clients! I cant reply everyone, but thank you those who were nice to me. And everyone else, remember may be that we all say things in haste, and actually I have areally good relationship with my families.

OP posts:
BoffinMum · 24/12/2010 20:40

He has been working from home, trying to answer about 50 emails whilst being told to assist with Xmas preparations.

I did say some and I really meant some, btw Wink. I agree there's a certain sort of CM who gets the boundaries very mixed up and then moans about the consequences, despite what they are advised to do by the CMA and so on.

BoffinMum · 24/12/2010 20:42

Er, woahthere, quite frequently am I required to hang around at work or change my plans to suit the demands of the business. This is normal. If you wanted leave you should have booked it IMO.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 24/12/2010 20:42

Op we all have a good ol' rant every now and again. there is no harm in that. i think the title of your OP got everyone's back up and that's why you got such a strong respinse, however, remember that just because we don't all say what you want to hear, doesn't mean what we are saying is wrong. as i said, AIBU isn't ususally teh place to find sympathy. you are far more likely to get the cold hard truth and tbh i think that is what you got here, it's just that you weren't in the form to take it as you just wanted to vent. anyway, glad your day is done, have a great christmas and don't eb afraid to post again but chsoe your board a bit more wisely if it is sympathy you are after. Smile

BoffinMum · 24/12/2010 20:49

I think chat might have been a better bet. Anyway, let's all forget about it and have a nice Xmas xx

woahthere · 24/12/2010 20:52

im rubbish at titles, i always get pepoles backs up with them and then my point gets missed.
Boffinmum ...Its not like I said I wouldnt do it is it?! Do you honestly not get fed up if that does happen to you? If you dont are you a saint? there was a bit more to it than i just wanted a day off, and I have expressed this already.

OP posts:
BoffinMum · 24/12/2010 20:56

Woah there, tbh I would just think about the money and make the best of it with the child concerned. I wouldn't have a problem with it.

woahthere · 24/12/2010 21:24

well of course i made the best of it with the child concerned, we had a lovely day and always do

OP posts:
porcamiseria · 24/12/2010 21:32

I am usually in the @you get paid, tough shit camp@ with CM, but i have to say it IS a bit mean on xmas eve

next year, book it as holiday

this is again why i will never ever ever use a CM again, shite like this

nursery for me

woahthere · 24/12/2010 21:39

why wont you use a cm again, because i had a moan on mumsnet? do you seriously believe nursery staff dont moan about parents?

OP posts:
porcamiseria · 24/12/2010 21:42

no, cos of the guilt about sending them to CM when you are doing nothing. It DOES really rile CM, I have seen it on here and in RL. Nursery, you pay, then go. its a far more commercial transaction. I find the blend of personal/business with CM a very grey area and it leads to alot of stress

that said, never say never!

HSMM · 24/12/2010 21:48

You can come to me porcamiseria .... I don't care if you want to lie in the bath all day while I play with the children :)

Several of the children I look after have SAHMs and they just get on with their own 'busy stuff' while I look after their children. Might be cleaning, doing admin, shopping, looking for work, setting up a business, lieing in the bath all day. Whatever they like.

porcamiseria · 24/12/2010 21:53

funnily enough HSMM if I ever did use a CM again it would be on a part time/occaisonal basis to give us a break, and I'd be clear about that from the start

I can see why OP is miffed, but I can also see why she should not be as she's paid. and grey areas like this...cause stress, STRESS

OP have a merry one OK!

chocolatesanta · 24/12/2010 21:58

yanb entirely u - your families sound inconsiderate, but wrt today, you should have been clear early on if you didn't actually want to work.

reallytired · 24/12/2010 22:00

I think the OP is lazy and professional. She childminders a bad name.

"Why would you not want to be with your kids on CHRISTMAS eve fgs! She doesnt need me to work, I think she is just trying to get her bloody money's worth!!"

Why not? If you are being paid to do a job then DO the job and stop complaining.

Maybe she does want to get drunk or maybe she wants to get ready for Christmas without a toddler underfoot. So what if she chooses to get pissed, ITS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.

Most childminders choose to have about 5 weeks a year holiday and a decent childminder could choose to have christmas eve off.

woahthere · 24/12/2010 22:00

i REALLY dont get riled about this, I was having a bad day thats all. I honestly wave my parents away with a smile and think that its great for them to do what they want, I dont care. It was everything surrounding the week. Dont forget there is a lot to say about it being a personal thing as well, there are so many advantages to this. I have in the past had to tell one of my clients off because she kept feeling guilty and picking up early, I was like ...'go home, have a coffee and watch crappy telly, he is fine!' I have written it on here that I myself used to send my child to nursery and then go home and have a workout or what ever.
It was the circumstance surrounding it all, and actually I think nursery would have been too if they had been told one thing and then another had happened because what if it affected their staff to child ratio. The only difference being they would have been polite to the parent and then had a bitch about it behind their backs amongst themselves, I ade the mistake of doing it on mn because i have noone else to vent to. I really dont like the whole 'this is why nursery is better' reasoning.

OP posts:
reallytired · 24/12/2010 22:01

Sorry I meant unprofessional. The OP is nothing more than a baby farmer.

I am glad that my children are in PROPER childcare.

woahthere · 24/12/2010 22:01

reallytired..im lazy!! thats hilarious, you seriously have no idea!

OP posts:
woahthere · 24/12/2010 22:02

a baby farmer! wtf!

OP posts:
usernamechanged345 · 24/12/2010 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 24/12/2010 22:13

what the hell is a baby farmer??? Confused
and i think if you read the thread OP has been acommodating her families all week when they have been late. if she was lazy, surely she wouldn't be rushing around trying to make sure they all got sorted for childcare and giving them all presents.

Kitsichick · 24/12/2010 22:18

It's a job and you have been paid for it- so like any other job if you are called on to do it, then that's just the way it is. If the Mum is spending the morning in bed I say good on her- women seem to sometimes enjoy guilt tripping each other and the way to deal with that is to see it as a straightforward business deal. It really is nothing to do with you if she wants to spend that time sleeping or learning to pole dance for Santa! I suspect you may be feeling envious she gets to sleep??? Well, me too - but that's how it goes! (grin)

DebiTheScot · 24/12/2010 22:20

Haven't read every single post but I think some of you are being a bit harsh. And "I am glad that my children are in PROPER childcare" is a horrible thing to say.

I use a childminder and think my children get better care than in some nurseries I know of (not saying at all that all nurseries are bad)

I also use my childminder on days I don't work. I'm a teacher so in the holidays I do use her once or twice a week. Sometimes so I can have a day to myself and sometimes to get jobs done (shopping, housework etc). This week I asked her what days she wanted to do assuming she wouldn't want to work today.
I would be a bit annoyed if I thought I was getting a day off then was told the night before that I was working.
Sounds like some parents have been taking advantage this week though, if you do a newsletter how about putting something in it after Christmas along the lines of being understanding about bad weather and here's a reminder of my lateness policy.