Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think it's mean sending your baby to your childminders on Christmas Eve when you're doing nothing else

237 replies

woahthere · 24/12/2010 00:13

Usually I look after little ones during the day and then get older children ofr after school care. This week I have had the after schoolers during the day along with the little ones. Frequently this week I have had epole show up several hours late because they couldnt be arsed to get out of bed (Yes, I am being paid but it is really annoying when you have to get up and be ready by 8 for people to then not turn up till 10.30 as you cant go anywhere do anyhting in this time).
One family, asked me to do a full day then didt turn up all day. They then asked me to do another full day and turned up at lunchtime. They then asked me to do another half day nad eneded up being an hour late.
Another family, Ive looked afer the babe nearly full time all week. I KNOW for a fact she is doing nothing at the mo and is just at home. She gets all her childcare paid for by her uni, the other day she was meant to pick up her baby at 2.30. At 4 despite me having texted saying 'where are you' I was still waiting, she then turned up na dI could smell that she had been drinking!
Anyway, tomorrow, despite the fact that she had told me that she didnt need me tomorrow she has now said she will be bringing her little one to me after all. There is nothing I can do about it becasue i have been paid to work it but she had said she didnt need me and has now somehow changed her mind. I ahve worked so hard this year, above and beyond the call. She will be at home I know and she said 'I wont drop her off till after lunch because I want to stay in bed tomorrow', so this means, that on Xmas Eve, she intends to drop off her daughter in the afernoon meaning I will be working until 6.
Why would you not want to be with your kids on CHRISTMAS eve fgs! She doesnt need me to work, I think she is just trying to get her bloody money's worth!!

OP posts:
chibi · 24/12/2010 13:40

Arf @ people talking about how special Xmas is and then spending a good chunk of it posting on here

carrotcake29 · 24/12/2010 13:48

My baby is asleep....and my daughter is with her daddy playing...

WilfShelf · 24/12/2010 13:49

Quite chibi. TBH mine would have been quite happy to be in daycare today because they love it. I am busy wrapping presents and packing bags, and we have had one game of Dread Pirate that ended in tears, hitting and throwing of pieces across the room.

3 out of 5 of us are ill so we can't really go out for a romp in the snow. And so much television and electronic games are being consumed. And I still have work to do before setting out the mince pies for Father Christmas...

Yeah. It's the spirit of Christmas here alright

BoffinMum · 24/12/2010 13:50

Quite, chibi.

Personally speaking I am quite capable of spending 24/7 with kids, but actually I think it's more healthy for both sides if this is diluted by the presence of others.

It's a comparatively modern construct, this superglued together nuclear family model. Throughout most of history parents have been infinitely more relaxed about such things, and there have been more pairs of hands around to help.

carrotcake29 · 24/12/2010 13:50

Yes your children may well be happier in daycare today since many of you quite clearly don't like to spend too much time with them and need more 'me time'! pmsl

BoffinMum · 24/12/2010 13:52
Lizzywishes · 24/12/2010 13:53

Two things - I would stop being flexible. Get everyone to complete a form a week in advance confirming when their children will be with you. Secondly, I don't see that it is any business of yours what people do while you are minding their chilren.

WilfShelf · 24/12/2010 13:54

Oh go stuff yourself carrotcake. You have no idea what my life is like and whether I 'like spending time with my children'.

The fact that I have work and wrapping to do has FUCK ALL to do with how much I love them or like being with them.

I often think it is the people who have rose-tinted views of family life and bleat on about how perfect they are as parents, cos 'its all for the little children, innit?' end up the ones who's kids can't bear them later and leave their stifling parents as quickly as possible.

Summerfruit · 24/12/2010 13:55

I'm a cm and I understand woathere's frustration, She is at the end of her tether, poor thing !! I understand se is frustrated to work on te 24rth when se was not supposed to ! If I would have been her, I would have said sorry but as I tought you didnt need me tomorrow, I have made already plans. Please refer to your contract regarding holidays cancellation notice.

Regarding the parents, I dont care what they are doing during the day as I'm paid to look after their kids so when they are telling me they are going for a spot of pampering, shopping, or back to bed I say Fantastic, have a great day !!!!

happygolucky0 · 24/12/2010 13:59

Hi woahhere I can see both points here.. i am cm and also use a cm as I work another job too. Totally understand how you feel it can be a very tiring job cm other peoples dc but she is within her rights to use the service that she is paying for no matter which day it is. personally I wouldnt mess my childminder around if I said she wasnt needed I wouldnt take my dc after that. It sounds like you are minding a youngish mum therefore they may have a differant style of life to you, doesnt make her wrong though. Talk to her and say next time if she has booked the day off then it would be better if she could stick to her plans as it upsets yours, you may have to refund her though.

JazzieJeff · 24/12/2010 14:00

ok chibi you win

carrotcake29 · 24/12/2010 14:01

You are quite right there wilfshelf - over stifling is not good. I do not know you and should not suggest that 'you' personally do not like spending time with your kids. Still it is hard to get across POV on a forum.
Merry Christmas Smile

SantasENormaSnob · 24/12/2010 14:02

Summerfruit, it isn't a cancelled holiday though is it?

Op wants paying for a day off.

Different if it's a pre arranged days holiday.

giveitago · 24/12/2010 14:05

If this is your business and you are being paid then why do you care.

I have a number of lone parent friends and they do tell me that even on their rare days off they will pay for childcare just to have a day off for themselves.

Put it this way, when I register for school holiday scheme next holiday I will go for the entire week when I actually only work part time. I need a day or two for myself and I'm not ashamed about that after 4.5 years of full time work/child care stuff.

I hope you are being paid properly and I'd hope that as your business relies on people leaving their kids with you and paying you for that, you'd be a little less judgy.

giveitago · 24/12/2010 14:08

Of course, if you're not meant to be working then you shouldn't but the fact that you offer a childcare service means people will pay you to look after children whether the parent is working or not.

If you're being exploited then just remind yourself you are a business and remind your clients of the same,.

mumtolawyer · 24/12/2010 14:43

Whether the OP is being unreasonable or not about people walking over her is her problem to sort, using some of the comprehensive advice above.

As regards her actual thread title, she and certain others on this thread are being completely unreasonable. You have NO idea why she needs time today. Possibly she needs to do last minute shopping - and on my personal experiences of last minute shopping, it's packed, massively overheated and the last place I'd want to be with a baby. Possibly she is trying to sort out ten tons of Christmas cooking. Maybe she had a disturbed night and wants some sleep. Whatever, it is absolutely none of your business and frankly, I can't imagine that being judged by you improves your working relationship with her. Do you really think you will have her as a customer if she finds out what you are saying about her?

You are providing a service and being paid for it. If you have no proper concerns (abuse, etc) then you have no more right to interfere with her organisation than she does with yours - would you like it if she were on here saying "my CM won't even take my child for a day I've paid for without complaining"? You aren't doing that, and don't deserve being insulted like that, so don't insult her. You have implied that she is lazy and a bad mother.

I think you need to back off. Let her run her life and you worry about yours.

mummyosaurus · 24/12/2010 14:56

YANB I think she sounds rude and inconsiderate, to be late and not to turn up when she is supposed to. It would be simple for her to send you a text and let you know if she is going to be late.

HSMM · 24/12/2010 15:19

I have worked today. I was open and I have no idea which parents were working and which were not. Nice surprises for the day - the people who told me yesterday that they would keep their children home. Nasty surprise - the child due to arrive early who didn't come ALL DAY! (Still I got some reports written in the small hours of this morning, so not a complete loss).

If I am open Christmas Eve, then I expect the children to turn up for a full day, if that's what their parents want.

I do however need a break, so I have booked next week off as holiday.

TandB · 24/12/2010 15:55

I am thoroughly confused. The thread title relates to the intentions of the mother while using the childminder's services. In the body of the thread, the OP says that she has no problem with what the mother is doing, so I don't know why the thread was titled in such a way.

As regards the working/not working business, I don't get it. You are being paid. You chose to be available for work on a particular day. If someone changes their arrangements it is a bit irritating, but only because you thought you were getting a bonus day of being paid but not actually having to do any work. That would be nice. You didn't get it. That isn't actually anyone's fault and it is not something that you are entitled to.

What really confuses me, however, is your early comment that the mother should have thought that you might like a break from looking after her child. What on earth is that about? Your break from looking after a child for 40 hours is the weekend. You are a childminder. My break for looking after criminals is the weekend. I am a criminal lawyer. A social worker's break from looking after the vulnerable is the weekend. You get where I am going with this I assume?

I don't think your way of looking at this situation is very professional. All that has happened is that you haven't got a nice little extra that it was entirely reasonable for you to look forward to, and you are having a bit of a hissy fit about it and stuck up a thread title to get people to moan about this mum with you.

So yes, YABU.

looneytune · 24/12/2010 16:01

Haven't read all of this so commenting on the OP (btw I'm a CM):

  1. I wanted Christmas Eve off so took it off. I've decided I never want to work Christmas eve again nor between Christmas and New Year so from next year, I'll never work that time. If you want time off guaranteed, you need to book it

  2. It's none of my business what parents do when I look after their child(ren) unless there is possible neglect etc. going on. If I used a childminder and didn't need to work then I'd probably use some of that time to catch up on things in the home, go shopping etc. Why not, I'm paying for it! Some mindees prefer to continue going as they have all their friends there etc.

  3. DO NOT change plans due to inconsiderate parents. Don't stay in, just go out and they can call to ask where you are. We're out and about a lot anyway so my parents do tend to arrange things in advance if different hours.

  4. Yes, it's V annoying to get up at 7am or whatever then find out you didn't need to rush out of bed. However, as much as it annoys me, there's no arguement there really, I just get on with other stuff and TRY and not let it wind me up. I love it when parents let me know in advance that I don't need to get up as early but I can't tell them they HAVE to tell me. Not from a getting up point of view anyway, only from the pov that I want to organise the activities etc.

  5. The drinking would worry me more, depending if driving or not and how much had. But you can come and get advice about that from the childminders board

  6. I think it's wrong to slag off about not wanting to spend time with their children on Xmas eve as you don't know what they're doing. You never know, they may be making a big effort to make the day itself that more special for them all and couldn't do it with their child around??

Sorry but I think you probably know that yes, YABU

looneytune · 24/12/2010 16:40

Just tiny weeny scan read and saw that comment from carrotcake.......have to say I disagree, all children are different. Day before yesterday a mum kept her dd at home because she was around and thought she could do with a more restful day. She came yesterday and nearly came the day before in the end as mindee (3) had turned round and said 'I'm going to Looney's house, even if I go on my own' i.e. she thought she's walk here!! LOL I've had that one since she was 8 weeks old and of course she loves her parents very very much but a child won't always choose their parents if given a choice. Nothing to do with their parents, just sometimes if they're an only child at home they can get bored and prefer to be with their little gang for a part of the time! No reflection on the parents, tis just the way it is.

Oblomov · 24/12/2010 17:15

Have read nearly all of the thread.
OP, I am afraid you are not doing yourself any favours here, as to how you express yourself. I am afraid you are coming sacross very badly.
Maybe its best to let this thread go.

BoffinMum · 24/12/2010 19:29

Kungfu, you make good points there and this is why I don't have a great deal of time for some CMs, as they seem to want to have their cake and eat it, i.e. be self-employed with all the benefits that brings, whilst also having all the benefits of being employed as well. All this 'I deserve a holiday' crap does not wash with me. I still have a research funding bid to send off this holiday plus lots of essays to mark. They should get real and remember how the rest of the world lives.

TheBrandyButterflyEffect · 24/12/2010 19:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HSMM · 24/12/2010 19:37

BoffinMum - not all CMs please. I don't claim any employee type benefits, don't get paid when I'm not working, don't expect time off when I'm paid, etc. There are unfortunately a few that give us all a bad name.