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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think it's mean sending your baby to your childminders on Christmas Eve when you're doing nothing else

237 replies

woahthere · 24/12/2010 00:13

Usually I look after little ones during the day and then get older children ofr after school care. This week I have had the after schoolers during the day along with the little ones. Frequently this week I have had epole show up several hours late because they couldnt be arsed to get out of bed (Yes, I am being paid but it is really annoying when you have to get up and be ready by 8 for people to then not turn up till 10.30 as you cant go anywhere do anyhting in this time).
One family, asked me to do a full day then didt turn up all day. They then asked me to do another full day and turned up at lunchtime. They then asked me to do another half day nad eneded up being an hour late.
Another family, Ive looked afer the babe nearly full time all week. I KNOW for a fact she is doing nothing at the mo and is just at home. She gets all her childcare paid for by her uni, the other day she was meant to pick up her baby at 2.30. At 4 despite me having texted saying 'where are you' I was still waiting, she then turned up na dI could smell that she had been drinking!
Anyway, tomorrow, despite the fact that she had told me that she didnt need me tomorrow she has now said she will be bringing her little one to me after all. There is nothing I can do about it becasue i have been paid to work it but she had said she didnt need me and has now somehow changed her mind. I ahve worked so hard this year, above and beyond the call. She will be at home I know and she said 'I wont drop her off till after lunch because I want to stay in bed tomorrow', so this means, that on Xmas Eve, she intends to drop off her daughter in the afernoon meaning I will be working until 6.
Why would you not want to be with your kids on CHRISTMAS eve fgs! She doesnt need me to work, I think she is just trying to get her bloody money's worth!!

OP posts:
JazzieJeff · 24/12/2010 11:48

snowy I am the same Sad back to work in the new year and ds won't be 3 months even so I want to spend loads of time with him. Just the way I see it

chibi · 24/12/2010 11:49

fabby do you not find that posting on mn is cutting into your gazing-at-your-children-adoringly time?

how do you manage going to the loo, you might miss a precious moment- CCTV? Grin

VinegarTinselTits · 24/12/2010 11:50
Xmas Grin
MissBeehivingUnderTheMistletoe · 24/12/2010 11:50

I find quicker and easier to do some things -shopping, cleaning etc without small children around. If they're in nursery or with a CM (because not everyone has family on tap)at least they're entertained rather than hanging off your legs being bored while you get on, in half the time it would have taken you otherwise.

MissBeehivingUnderTheMistletoe · 24/12/2010 11:51
JazzieJeff · 24/12/2010 11:58

chibi no need to be sarcastic, my opinion is that at Christmas is a lovely time when they're tinies and that if you can't cope with your kids for three bloody days s year without putting them in day care, where's the point? And I'm not talking about working mums because I am one, I know it's hard! And the op said earlier she knows the mother is at home doing sod all and has done all week. I never said there was anything wrong with child free time, not once but there's a time for that and IMO it's not Christmas. Three days with your kids. Wow. That's loads to ask of a parent!

IAmReallyFabNow · 24/12/2010 12:01

I just want to make it clear that FabbyChic is not me.

chibi · 24/12/2010 12:34

Are you possibly missing a precious moment too?

Does it make you sad?

Is that why you are spewing bile over the way other women parent their children?

Perhaps you should go tend to your flock too, maybe one of the little poppers is composing something seasonal in iambic pentameter for you Grin

JazzieJeff · 24/12/2010 12:42

hmmm chibi I doubt that, he's two months. Like I said, if I'm wrong for thinking that three days at Christmas when you're off work isn't the time to put your children in day care then I'm wrong Smile difference of opinion I guess.

I'm sorry but I'm pretty tender about having to work early, not all of us can take the full amount of maternity leave or be a SAHM so yes, it does break my fucking heart I'll miss key moments in my sons development. No need for that, what an awful thing to say, it's actually choked me a bit. How mean can you get? That's a horrible thing to say.

chibi · 24/12/2010 12:44

It sure does suck when someone implies or flat out says you are a shitty mother, doesn't it?

maybe next time you will be more empathetic and keep the bile to yourself, eh?

TheBrandyButterflyEffect · 24/12/2010 12:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WilfShelf · 24/12/2010 12:53

The OP has no idea what the mother is doing, she is surmising. The mother is a student by all accounts - it is quite feasible she is working on her studies, or even catching up on socialising because she's been busy with her work all term. Or - like most mothers - she's probably also busy sorting out Xmas, including wrapping presents, arranging food, planning trips to relatives, putting up decorations and all the other things women do and men somehow get out of.

And mostly, as everyone else has said, if she's paying, its nobody else's business what reasons she has for doing what she's doing. Perhaps she has mental health issues and needs a break.

sausagelover · 24/12/2010 12:54

I personally wouldn't do it. If I am not at work, DS is not at nursery. There have been 2 exceptions - once i had a funeral and another time I was very ill.

Perhaps the mum is studying today though?

The smelling of drink wouldn't really worry me. She might have met friends for a glass of wine or 2, no big deal.

chibi · 24/12/2010 12:58

Out of curiosity, for those of you who would never use childcare when you aren't at work, do you have family or friends who will watch your children from time to time?

JazzieJeff · 24/12/2010 13:08

I never said she was a bad mother. I said I thought it was a bit mean IMO to leave her at the cm on Christmas eve. I then said the other parents were walking over her with regards to pick up times and she should set clear guidelines if she felt hard done by working over Christmas. I was NOT spitting bile, but this is an opinion forum and I said the OP wasn't being unreasonable to think it was a bit mean in this circumstance. It wasn't a personal attack and I don't think this mother is a bad one. She works just like me, so hence my surprise that she put her baby in childcare today. If you thought my post was unfair, talk to me about it. Perhaps I didn't phrase it particularly well, it is easy to take someone's post wrong when you can't see their face because I certainly wasn't trying to imply anyone was a bad parent. I apologise to snyone who took offence to my post. But please, don't attack my family personally. That's not on. I work because I need the money in the armed forces whilst my DH looks after DS. I will have to leave soon and every second I spend with my family is precious. Hence my post; precious memories get me by when I'm standing in some dusty shithole in the arse end of nowhere.

carrotcake29 · 24/12/2010 13:18

I agree with jazziejaff. If you cannot manage to look after your own children when you have time off at home then why have them? I completely understand that everyone has to work now BUT surely if you have time at home you would want to spend it with your children since they are having to go to childcare at other times.
OP - I agree, it is mean to put your child into childcare on Christmas eve if you are not working. Even if they are babies, as a parent you should want to spend the time with them. By the time they are 15 they will not be interested in the slightest.

minxofmancunia · 24/12/2010 13:21

YABU, it's paid childcare so why shouldn't she use it?, if I had childcare today whilst I do "nothing" (lay table for dinner tomorrow including making a decoration, clean and tidy whole house, wrap last minute presents etc. etc) I'd def be using it.

I regularly book AL days and take dcs to nursery, there's NO WAY I want to spend every minute of my free time with them, I have them 2 days a week, work the other 3 and weekends are manic with all the parties activities and so on. I'm actually dreading next year when dd my oldest goes to school and I'll have to take all my AL to cover childcare during the bloody holidays. There's no point being a martyr to parenthood, I know for a fact if i don't get any time to myself on a regular basis I'll crack up. Call me selfish if you like I really don't care.

fluffygal · 24/12/2010 13:24

Its just polite and courtesy to ring and say 'Actually, I don't need you today' rather then just not turn up. I would never do that to a childminder.

I don't see the problem with using a CM on christmas eve, I am sitting around doing sod all, the kids would have more fun at nursery but its not open today! If she is at uni she could have been studying, or gone food shopping? When I was at uni it was impossible to study with kids running around! Or maybe her friends were having a christmas get together lunch? I don't see the problem.

I am on maternity leave atm but mine still go to nursery (obv not my newborn!) - much more fun then staying home with me 24/7.

BoffinMum · 24/12/2010 13:29

It's not even Xmas yet. DH is still technically working.

piprabbit · 24/12/2010 13:29

I really don't understand the assumption that, unless your time is being paid for by an employer, every moment of time should be spent with your DCs.

I'm a SAHM and love it. But DS will be starting two mornings at nursery from January. He will thrive and enjoy the company. I will miss him but get more done at home. Being together 24 hours a day (and given his erratic sleeping it is often the best part of 24 hours) 365 days a year is getting unhealthy for both of us.

It's not the nursery's business whether I work while he is at nursery or not (in fact I will work some mornings, but more often will be cleaning and ironing...joy).

hohohohobnobsaremyfave · 24/12/2010 13:33

Piprabit YABVU to be that excited about ironing Xmas Grin

carrotcake29 · 24/12/2010 13:34

I completely understand getting children to have time away from parents in nurseries even if they are not working. But on Christmas eve and on unexpected days off and holiday - I want to spend it with my children! And no matter if you are not doing much at home...children always light up when they are with their parents (especially if they are used to being away from parents regularly) and love being 'home' and doing nothing.

piprabbit · 24/12/2010 13:35

I think I need a 'dripping with sarcasm' emoticon Xmas Grin.

However the idea of ironing ON MY OWN during the day (and not at 11pm when accident-prone toddler is asleep) does hold a certain warped appeal.

ProfYaffle · 24/12/2010 13:36

Pip I'm a sahm and my dc have both gone to nursery from a year old.

But why on earth not? It's literally the only child free time I get (no family locally) I'd go bonkers barmy without it.

JazzieJeff · 24/12/2010 13:36

Oh no! You've got to have time for yourself of course you have! People who spend 24 hours a day 7 days a week with their kids are saints; good for you because i would struggle. It isnt selfish to want time to yourself. That goes without saying, but to me, Christmas is a nice time to spend with my family because I don't know where I'll be next year. There's plenty of other times you could pop your baby in day care and go to a spa or shopping or out for drinks, whatever really. They'll be 18 and out the door before you know it, and Christmas is lovely when you've got children. Merry Christmas everyone Smile

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