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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to think it's mean sending your baby to your childminders on Christmas Eve when you're doing nothing else

237 replies

woahthere · 24/12/2010 00:13

Usually I look after little ones during the day and then get older children ofr after school care. This week I have had the after schoolers during the day along with the little ones. Frequently this week I have had epole show up several hours late because they couldnt be arsed to get out of bed (Yes, I am being paid but it is really annoying when you have to get up and be ready by 8 for people to then not turn up till 10.30 as you cant go anywhere do anyhting in this time).
One family, asked me to do a full day then didt turn up all day. They then asked me to do another full day and turned up at lunchtime. They then asked me to do another half day nad eneded up being an hour late.
Another family, Ive looked afer the babe nearly full time all week. I KNOW for a fact she is doing nothing at the mo and is just at home. She gets all her childcare paid for by her uni, the other day she was meant to pick up her baby at 2.30. At 4 despite me having texted saying 'where are you' I was still waiting, she then turned up na dI could smell that she had been drinking!
Anyway, tomorrow, despite the fact that she had told me that she didnt need me tomorrow she has now said she will be bringing her little one to me after all. There is nothing I can do about it becasue i have been paid to work it but she had said she didnt need me and has now somehow changed her mind. I ahve worked so hard this year, above and beyond the call. She will be at home I know and she said 'I wont drop her off till after lunch because I want to stay in bed tomorrow', so this means, that on Xmas Eve, she intends to drop off her daughter in the afernoon meaning I will be working until 6.
Why would you not want to be with your kids on CHRISTMAS eve fgs! She doesnt need me to work, I think she is just trying to get her bloody money's worth!!

OP posts:
BubbaAndBump · 24/12/2010 11:07

I don't think the OP expressed herself very well in her OP and is actually looking for a bit of sympathy for having gone beyond the call of duty and getting no thanks (or time) for it.

I reckon if this post was from a mum saying "do you think it's bad if I have told my CM I don't need her on Christmas Eve but last night suddenly changed my mind as friends want to come over and I'd love to see them without the hassle of baby being around, so now I'm going to drop baby off at CM's for Christmas Eve afternoon. Still, I'm paying CM so she shouldn't care??" that reactions would be the same?

miniwedge · 24/12/2010 11:07

YANBU to be pissed off that one of your clients turned up an hour and a half late with no explanation/contact and had clearly had a drink, ie was not late because of weather etc but had probably lost track of time.

YANBU to feel knackered and fed up, most people who work full time in demanding jobs feel that way at this time of year.

YABU to imply that the mother is being mean to send her child to you today. If she is at uni the chances are she has assignements due back pretty much straight after christmas (i do) so could be working, or she could be wrapping/shopping whatever. But if she has paid you for the whole day then you have agreed to be availabld for the whole day even if she drops off late.

gree · 24/12/2010 11:07

if the mother was drunk then the child shouldnt have been released to her, if it was just that she smelt of drink but wasnt obviously drunk then a note should hace been made on her file about it.

for what its worth I dont think you are being unreasonable in expecting her to stick to what she had originally said but you are open so she can use you for what ever reason she chooses. But I go against my contract and pay for any of my cms holidays except for the ones where I have to pay for alternative childcare, so even though shes closed next week Im off work so Ill still pay. Next year just inform anyparents that you will be closed.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 24/12/2010 11:08

Of course the OP is in it for the cash - who isn't.

OP Do you have contracts drawn up with your clients that set out hours and picking up times, etc. Don't think it is unreasonable to send a child to a CM on Xmas Eve, or to use one when you don't work (I did this when I first had two children so I could spend a bit of time with each one on their own - and some people might pay CMS to get some "me" time because Grandma is not around the corner to help out). It is unreasonable of your clients to mess you around though and keep chopping and changing their plans and turn up late.

VinegarTinselTits · 24/12/2010 11:10

Jeezus christ, i would let anyone with a temper like yours look after my kids Shock

VinegarTinselTits · 24/12/2010 11:11

wounldnt i mean

chillout OP, folk are allowed to change their minds, no of your business if she is working or not

SantasENormaSnob · 24/12/2010 11:18

I go above and beyond almost every shift I do at work.

I get no Xmas bonus whatsoever, no Xmas do unless we pay for one ourselves and I am working Xmas day and boxing day.

FabbyChic · 24/12/2010 11:21

I worked full time from when my eldest was a year old and my youngest five weeks old.

If I ever got any time off I never used the Nursery which I still had to pay for, I always kept my children home irrespective of what I was doing.

Time with children is so precious.

I don't understand using child care to go shopping or have a day in bed or doing decorating or housework. You don't have children to palm them off when you are home.

That's my opinion anyway.

snowyweather · 24/12/2010 11:21

Santa - do you get christmas presents from parents?

mommmmyof2 · 24/12/2010 11:22

I think maybe you should have said no and had the day off, we all need a day off sometimes. However i don't think it is wrong if she was busy but me personally would not leave my children with a child minder around the holidays unless it was urgent.
But then i am lucky to have a good family i can ask, and sometimes my children prefer being out and away from me and the house, can't see why Confused

BoysAreLikeDogs · 24/12/2010 11:22

pmsl at palming off and precious moments

bless

snowyweather · 24/12/2010 11:23

Fabbychic - if you need to paint your house yourself, because you have to, and it is not an option to pay for painters then would you keep your children around to inhale all the fumes?

snowyweather · 24/12/2010 11:24

I now have visions of Fabbychic's children being high on inhaled fumes from her doing diy and trying to avoid them climbing any ladders of scaffolding.

snowyweather · 24/12/2010 11:26

Can someone tell me why it is acceptable for someone (say a professional cleaner) to go and clean someone's house while their child is in childcare, and yet it is not acceptable if a SAHM say puts her child into childcare while she say goes out and does grocery shopping or does cleaning in her home?

Genuinely interested in this.

SantasENormaSnob · 24/12/2010 11:27

Snowy, am a midwife not a Cm Xmas Smile

no Xmas perks in the nhs Xmas Sad

VinegarTinselTits · 24/12/2010 11:28

fuck that, time to myself is precious, if i can get away with half a day in bed i will!

magicmummy1 · 24/12/2010 11:28

I work bloody hard. No bonuses and any free time has to be taken from my leave allowance. Yes, I have flexible hours, but that's part of my terms & conditions, not a reward for hard work.

Sorry op, I think yabu.

snowyweather · 24/12/2010 11:30

Oooh sorry Santa.

I'm sending you some virtual gifts now as I know you will be busy later.

BoysAreLikeDogs · 24/12/2010 11:31

It is no business or concern to me what the parents do when their child/ren are in my care (I might have to rethink if I knew they were running a brothel/cannabis factory/insert criminal activity here)

The precious moments mamas who martyr themselves on the altar of motherhood will tell you that every waking moment should be subsumed to the needs and wants of the child - BUT no mention of the father's role, mind

jellybeans · 24/12/2010 11:32

YANBU to think it, i only left mine in childcare when i was working. perhaps if I was ill i may have done it as well. But if other people do it that is their business.

JazzieJeff · 24/12/2010 11:34

In terms of the OP's title, actually I think it is a bit mean sending your baby to the cm when it's Christmas eve. Come on! My ds drives me insane some days, just with all the demands of being a baby, that's normal! But when they are so small, Christmas is such a special time; why would you want to miss it? As for 'getting her money's worth' I don't think that's valid since the OP said the mother is getting it all paid for by her uni, so it's not her money she's paying out.

That said though, I would start being more firm, OP. It sounds to me like you aren't setting clear boundaries for tour customers and then wondering why they overstep the mark that you haven't set. Give them start and end times to the day, if they book a whole day and don't turn up, great because you're getting paid for nothing; put your feet up. If you have something to get on with in town or other kids to deal with, speak to the parent involved and say "I will need you to be here with X at 8am tomorrow morning because I
have to do X. Please be on time because X has to be done and I will be going out the door at 8:30 and I won't be back until mid-afternoon". If you've given fair notice and they don't comply then it's their problem, I would say. You are being a doormat. Set holidays at the beginning of January planned for the whole year, ie Christmas time, summer etc. If they don't like it, they can find someone else to do it. Which they won't, you sound like a piss-takers dream! There are plenty of people who need childcare, you'll not be short of custom!

snowyweather · 24/12/2010 11:34

And oooh Sorry FabbyChic I see you have been FT at work since one child was 5 weeks old, that must have been tough, so I can see how you would want to spend every moment with your baby in that case if you got some time off work.

I was fortunate in that I took the full mat leave and then some.

Merry Christmas everyone.

Anyhow better stop mumnsetting and go be a mum.

SantasENormaSnob · 24/12/2010 11:35

Thanks snowy Xmas Grin

christmas and boxing day are just as busy, perhaps I should start a thread about unreasonable babies demanding to be born on Xmas day Xmas Wink Bloody selfish if you ask me, how dare they when I want a day off.

VinegarTinselTits · 24/12/2010 11:41

the baby is not missing xmas though is it? its missing a few hours on xmas eve, maybe she wants to blitz the house and prep the dinner for xmas day, nowt wrong with that ffs

snowyweather · 24/12/2010 11:46

Actually you are right Vinegar. I always did such a better blitz of the house with the baby out of the way and then I had more time for baby play time later.