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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have made my mum cry..

435 replies

natandchris10 · 20/12/2010 19:59

she deserved it..

saturday night her and my dad cancelled going to a birthday party because he was put on call from work.. so she said she would have LO (9months) over night for us to get a rest.. she mentioned they would nip the present to the person at the do...

bearing in mind my LO goes to bed every day without fail at 7pm, they took the present at 8.30. i spoke to mum just after 8.30 and she said they would be going straight home after 5 mins so i said fine no problem, i said please let me know your all home and LO is sleeping and ok, gets to 9.30pm and i had heard nothing so i thought i would call her.. i rang her mobile, dads mobile, dads work phone, house phone about 300000 times each and got no answer, got to 10.30 and still no answer...

I was going out of my mind..pacing the floor the phone rang at 11pm it was my mum, she tells me they are at the party and LO was 'fine'

i flipped. i couldnt belive how iressponsible she had been. her excuse was no signal. bollox cause it rang. i shouted at her until she cried.

OP posts:
Haribojoe · 20/12/2010 21:06

My name is Haribojoe and I have a confession.

A couple of weeks ago I went to a party and took DS3 (14 weeks old then) I let people pass him around, coo over him and generally admire him.

He pretty much slept through the whole thing and then we left the part at half past 12 Xmas Shock.

Sorry to be sarcastic but the responsible parent comment by OP just cracked me up!

Original poster
natandchris10 · 20/12/2010 21:06

i wouldnt of minded if they were at home. LO would of fell asleep by 8-9pm if they wernt out. she is nosey bugger lol

OP posts:
PrincessScrumpy · 20/12/2010 21:08

When DC go to the grandparents, routines go out of the window. Be greatful the love you child and want to give you a break.

Original poster
natandchris10 · 20/12/2010 21:09

haribojoe.. i said nothing about responsible parenting..

if you read what its actually about u will realise it is NOT about staying up late....

OP posts:
Sufi · 20/12/2010 21:11

Not really sure why the OP is getting such a hard time, tbh.

Her mum promised to let her know she'd arrived home safe - in this weather - with her DC, & that DC was OK. Perfectly reasonable. And then the mum goes AWOL and doesn't answer the phone for HOURS, not even the landline.

Think about it: if someone was out on these roads with your baby & didn't answer their mobiule & didn't answer their landline & you thought they were out on the roads - what would you think?

Tbh, I would have been out of my mind with worry & yes, would have shouted at my mum. And my mum cries at the drop of a hat - her bottom lip starts quivering if I so much as disagree gently with her. She should suck it up - she's taken a tiny baby out & not bothered to do what she said, which was call/text within half an hour to let her daughter know she & the baby were home safe.

Give the OP a break. This is not about routines; this is about a mother worrying herself half to death about her baby!

ilovemyfestivehens · 20/12/2010 21:11

I don't think she minds them having her for a break, I think the issue is that they said they were taking the child home around 8pm and would give a quick phone once they arrived.

But they didn't, they went awol with the child and the OP didn't know if they'd had an accident or what.

if someone had taken my baby to a skanky bowling alley till 11pm I'd have done a hell of a lot more than shout!

NintyZelda · 20/12/2010 21:12

What a deplorable thing to do to your mum! I understand that you were worried about your LO but shouting at your mum until she cried is just awful. How would you feel if in years to come your LO did this to you?
As for your dad shouting at you, what do you expect.
You should be grateful that they offered to look after your LO, if you trust them like you claim why the need to ring constantly.

If I made my mum cry I would be deeply ashamed of myself.

ilovemyfestivehens · 20/12/2010 21:13

they weren't trying to ring constantly. The mother agreed to let the OP know when she'd arrived home with the baby.

If somebody went awol with your baby till 11pm in the snow/ice wouldn't you be a bit concerned?

ilovemyfestivehens · 20/12/2010 21:15

It's okay for the mother to upset and worry her daughter for hours, but not for the daughter to be annoyed and react accordingly?

She sounds a bit pathetic for crying tbh.

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 20/12/2010 21:15

oooooooooh nooooooooooo, not a bowling alley!! What do you think was likely to happen, some drunkard try and get a strike sliding your baby down the lane on it's bare arse?? Hmm Babies are born small so they are portable. It's the 4 yr old little shits darlings you can't take anywhere - they 'out' you to their teachers Wink

OP, chillax, baby was probably being cuddled. Routine will fix itself back, they change it so often in the first year or so anyway.

ilovemyfestivehens · 20/12/2010 21:17

Bowling alleys are skanky Hmm

ASecretLemonadeDrinker · 20/12/2010 21:18

Our's is alright... it has 10p machines and shiney lights... Grin

Haribojoe · 20/12/2010 21:18

I was trying to be lighthearted, sorry if this has come across as flippant.

I realise what happened upset you but I hope you do/already have mended things with your Mum.

Whatever you think of what she did you're lucky to have a Mum who wants to be involved.

ilovemyfestivehens · 20/12/2010 21:18

Nicking off with somebody elses baby is just plain wrong, even if they were the grandparents.

Grandparents need to respect the parents.

Lonnie · 20/12/2010 21:18

OP

YANBU to be worried

For shouting because you were that worried

you DO owe her an appology for doing so as it is not nice behaviour to do.. Understandable however but yes you owe her an appology (I would expect one in return from her as yes she was irresonsible for not letting you know.

I wouldnt give two hoots about where the party was or how late it was I am sure if you have felt your mum was able to look after your child then she and your dad wouldnt have stayed if your child was not happy and content.

to Life... Simply because people do not parent in the same manner doesnt make them irresonsible. IMO a strict routine is not a good way to parent doesnt mean I will call you irresonsible for doing so. I will agree with the poster that commented on the 15 weeks weaning though.

dufduf · 20/12/2010 21:20

OP - I'm sure your mum has made you cry on more than one occasion over the years when she's shouted at you...payback time now! lol.

Seriously, just talk to her. IDK if you've had a chance to talk since but there's a chance she may be feeling really guilty/confused about your reaction/resentful. Don't give it a chance to fester, it's the season of good will after all! x

stressheaderic · 20/12/2010 21:20

I would have given my mum a gentle ticking off for this, expressed my discontent at being out of contact and not leaving when they said they would. In this weather, I would have assumed the worst too.

Also agree that bowling alley is a bit of a skanky place for a baby.

My DD is 10 months and an occasional break to her routine does not worry me at all. We are quite relaxed about it but then she is a good sleeper, usually 8pm until 9am, and usually catches up what she's missed. Different story if you have a baby who relies on the routine and has trouble settling/sleeping.

Can't post without mentioning 5.15pm??? Seriously? If I did that, DP would never be home in time to see DD which would be unimaginably awful for them both. On the days I work (3 a week), I'd only be collecting her from nursery at this time and would look forward to a nice couple of hours with her, having dinner, bath, play, stories. I'd miss her terribly if she went to bed at teatime, not night time.

oneortwo · 20/12/2010 21:22

NintyZelda, what do you think it would take to make YOUR mother cry?

noone has braved my question yet about whether I was less unreasonable than the OP because mine didn't cry (even though I suspect I gave a bit worse that the OP, my mum is sone faced at times like that! )

Megatron · 20/12/2010 21:23

Not unreasonable to be worried, but you obviously realise you were unreasonable to make your mother cry or you wouldn't be asking here really would you? If your child's routine is so important to you, do not let anyone else look after your child especially overnight and especially if they are a bit under the weather with a cold. I wouldn't have my child away overnight if they were under the weather in any case.

oneortwo · 20/12/2010 21:23

STONE faced

ApocalypseCheeseToastie · 20/12/2010 21:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

oneortwo · 20/12/2010 21:26

oh c'mon, SOMEONE give it a shot! Grin

would it be the OP who owed her mum an apology if her mum didn't cry as soon as confronted?

I don't think what the OP said prior to the crying was unreasonable. (What I said to mine in my frantic state prob was a little over the top though, but didn't get blood outta that stone! Grin)

MsKLo · 20/12/2010 21:26

where was baby at the party? asleep in pram? awake?

you should not have shouted at your ma, but have a right to have words and be annoyed

but they are our mums and I understand decorum goes out of the window sometimes! apologise for shouting and talk about how you felt about this and why

lucky1979 · 20/12/2010 21:34

I would have been livid if someone took my DD (14 months so a bit older but still) out at that time of night anyway. She goes to bed at 7:30-8PM usually, but she does need to go to bed then, unless there is a really good reason and we've planned in advance. It's not slavish adherence to a routine for routine's sake, its just that if she's up past 8PM she is tearful, miserable and will be unsettled for days, it's not fair on her.

Add to that a lack of contact and lying about what the plans were and I would be absolutely fuming. YANBU!!!!

ilovemyfestivehens · 20/12/2010 21:35

People shout at each other all the time, it's part of life. If a person chooses to handle disagreements by crying then that's their problem. It doesn't mean that they should never been called on their behaviour if they've seriously upset someone. She's trying to make her daughter feel guilty for confronting her and it seems like it's working Hmm

It should be the mother apologising for taking the baby out and not being in contact till so late.