to have made my mum cry..

[natandchris10]

she deserved it..

saturday night her and my dad cancelled going to a birthday party because he was put on call from work.. so she said she would have LO (9months) over night for us to get a rest.. she mentioned they would nip the present to the person at the do...

bearing in mind my LO goes to bed every day without fail at 7pm, they took the present at 8.30. i spoke to mum just after 8.30 and she said they would be going straight home after 5 mins so i said fine no problem, i said please let me know your all home and LO is sleeping and ok, gets to 9.30pm and i had heard nothing so i thought i would call her.. i rang her mobile, dads mobile, dads work phone, house phone about 300000 times each and got no answer, got to 10.30 and still no answer...

I was going out of my mind..pacing the floor the phone rang at 11pm it was my mum, she tells me they are at the party and LO was 'fine'

i flipped. i couldnt belive how iressponsible she had been. her excuse was no signal. bollox cause it rang. i shouted at her until she cried.

[FellatioNelson]

Nice post. Merry Christmas.

[ReikiKen]

I was frustrated at my mum for something relatively unimportant - but it's because she is stuck in her ways, at her late-middle ages, and that's just the way she is.

Sure, it was annoying, but soon, I forgot about it, I love and care about my mother for all her faults - I was needling at her about something but in all reality, it was not even that important - the point is, no matter how wrong your mother might be, I'm sure she always has your best interests at heart. It is NOT okay to feel smug about making your mother feel so ashamed, no matter who was in the wrong. Your mother brought you up, fed you, brought and nurtured you into this big, wide world. Sacrifices were made for you.

She might have been wrong, but once you calm down, you should show your mother respect. When one day you turn around and that day comes when your parents are no longer around, I don't think you'll feel so smug, in fact, you'll feel pain if you don't treat them with love and respect.

[FellatioNelson]

'5 minutes' is a euphemism. We all know that. What they meant was they'd pop in, stay for polite amount of time, but not the whole thing. If OP thought 5 minutes really meant 5 minutes she's very naive.

Nothing in my life that has taken 5 minutes has ever actually taken five minutes.

[Morloth]

I have been aging this thread today like a fine wine, have been watching the post number go up and been saving it as my after dinner treat, you have not disappointed people.

[CokeFan]

scruffybird - OP's parents said they were going to the party for 5 minutes to drop off a present and that they would phone when they returned. They were then (out of character) uncontactable by mobile or landline, despite OP's dad being on call from work, until 11pm when the OP got in touch with them - still at the party, causing the OP to worry about them.

[scruffybird]

Just looked at op again. What did your parents do wrong? They agreed to look after your lo so you could have a break, then stayed longer at party than planned (haven't we all) then rang you as promised when they returned.
You instead of relaxing got yourself in a hysterical mess by wanting to know what was happening every few minutes!

[StillSquiffy]

I agree with fellatio too.

But this thread's about mothers.

[scruffybird]

That was if I

[scruffybird]

Op I I had trusted my parents to babysit I wouldn't have been ringing every 5 mins to see what was happening. Would have said goodnight and then spoke to them at pick up time the next day.
If you are that worried when you leave your lo perhaps you shouldn't leave her yet.

[CokeFan]

II31 - ok maybe not that long but you wouldn't expect no fallout from a a party and a bedtime more than 4 hours later than usual would you? Remember they were still at the party at 11pm. OP did ring (upthread) to make peace and her mum couldn't see what she'd done wrong. That's when OP called her mum an arsehole (not sure whether to her face or just on here), triggering a lot more bile from other posters.

All parents/grandparents are different. My mum would have been very upset if I'd been cross with her at all, but she would also have understood how upset and worried I'd been and that's what seems to be missing in the OP's case.

[ll31]

amn't sure that keeping a baby out late one night sets parents up for couple of days of cross overtired baby - - - a couple of days! definitely not my experience and if its experience of everyone with strict routine then I'd say its one reason not to have a strict routine... however I do understand how upset you were and probably would ring and make peace now - there was wrong on both sides which generally makes making peace easier!

[TandB]

I agree with Fellatio. [That sounds like I mean something different!]

While all children are different and some thrive on routine, there is a big difference between generally doing things in the same order, around the same time, and obsessive clock-watching.

We pretty much go with the flow, but then DS has always been the ultimate portable baby - sleeps anywhere, takes everything in his stride and never gets upset if things happen in an unusual way. I watched some friends desperately trying to impose an obsessivey strict routine - ie panicking if they were going to be 10 minutes late home because it was going to throw the routine out. It led to a lot of stress and effort and I suspect that if they had relaxed a bit they might all have been a good deal happier.

[CokeFan]

I don't think OP's mother should have agreed to look after the baby if they were planning to go out (and stay out late). If someone changes their plans then it's only right to let people know.

If you know a LO has a routine then it's not fair to keep them out late at a noisy party when you're babysitting. It's not much of a rest for the parents if you've then set them up for a couple of days of a cross, overtired baby. If parents do it as a one-off then it's their choice and they deal with the consequences.

Being out of contact for so long, especially when you've promised to call, whether the weather is bad or not is not acceptable. The OP was clearly worried about her parents as well as her baby.

It's not nice to shout at someone, but it's understandable if you're worried, and if they then cry but don't acknowledge that they did something wrong or that you were worried and upset then it only adds to the frustration.

natandchris10 - I don't think your mother's ever going to come round to your way of thinking and it's going to be difficult for you to trust your mother to do what she says she's going to do.

[FellatioNelson]

And you've made a rod for your own back now. All those years of potential babysitting and overnight stays at Granny's (which are an absolute godsend as the years go by, if you are lucky enough to have lovely hands-on parents) could have just evaporated before your very eyes.

You'll regret this in a year or two.

[ll31]

agree with previous poster in terms of too much routine or more accurately too much panic when routine isn't adhered to sometimes.. don't think its good idea to be obsessive about routines.. Also, think you were both unreasonable - your parents for being out of cntact as presumably they knew you'd be keen to be able to contact them but you more so for your reaction in makikng her cry. I completely understand you'd be really panicing at not being able to cntact them , I would have been, but my reaction once contact made would have bene huge relief and nothing else....

[TyraG]

Okay I've read about half of the posts on this thread.

OP I understand being worried about not knowing where they were being that they were going to leave at 8.30 and stayed until 11.00 without you knowing and not answering their phones when you called. However, yelling at someone until they cry is quite cruel. I wouldn't expect your mom to babysit for you anymore.

LFR sounds like she's got her head so far up her ass she can't even see the break of day.

[FellatioNelson]

Also want to add that whilst a routine is generally a very good thing for young children, too much of a routine, and a total lack of flexibility is a very bad thing in the long run. Parents need a life - stuff happens that doesn't always conveniently slot into a baby's sleep patterns. There is nothing worse than a person who is totally freaked out by any kind of spontanaiety. What one earth will the OP (and LFR) do when a second baby comes along? Then a third?

Trust me, it if you don't lighten up you'll both have nervous breakdowns.

[pagwatch]

at Jess..
Not naming and shaming is a good thing in my book.

Makes sense now though so thanks.

[Morloth]

I dunno, my Mum gets my respect and love because of all the stuff she did for me over the years. No-one else did that stuff so they don't get the same level of respect and love.

Contemplates what would happen if I called my mother any sort of name not to mention 'arsehole'.

Gets scared.

I think you sound like a nutter OP and look forward to hearing from your DIL in 30 years time on MN.

[slhilly]

Thanks for answering, Kungfu.

On 1, If you and your family stick to your responses to my questions, you're a lot more restrained than me, my family and just about every family I know, where shouting, red faces and tears are fairly common occurrences -- not weekly, but not annual either. While yelling can be a loss of control, and may lead to poor outcomes, a failure to challenge unacceptable behaviour strongly enough is equally likely to be problematic. Lots of posters here haven't even acknowledged that the behaviour is unacceptable, and have said the OP should simply suck it up. That's way more unhealthy, in my view.

On 2, I am with the OP here, still. What the grandmother did was not a mistake (ie it was deliberate, not accidental) and it was considerably worse than what is implied by "not coming up to scratch" -- it was very bad behaviour (lying about childcare arrangements is just one significant part), compounded by a refusal to acknowledge that. If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck...better to call it a duck than pretend it's a chicken.

On 3, I tend to agree with you. But for me, that's because it breaks the house rules. However, some of the previous posters have done the same, as you implicitly acknowledged. And only the OP was called on her behaviour.

[FellatioNelson]

And that's from me - the world's biggest control freak and neurotic worrier. Get a grip. You wanted a break, you got one. Be thankful they had your child for the night.

[DreamTeamGirl]

oneortwo

I think I must be invisible, cos I not only posted the two contradicting posts about snow to you, but also an answer to if you WBU or not, WAY earlier, but you ignored/ failed to see them both, so I shant bother to retype, but yes YABU

[jessiealbright]

Pagwatch



Actually, I agree, I have been careless in my phrasing, thus lumping lots of people in together.
I couldn't be bothered to "name and shame" specifically, most of the time.

[MadameCastafiore]

You are mad (OP!) - you shou;d have been in bed resting which is why you wanted your mother to have your child - if you trust her with your child's life why the hell did you keep ringing her?

Kid is probably crying because you are so wound up and it is rubbing off on her nothing to do with being tired probably!

[JamieLeeCurtis]

I see that oneortwo. Is it always stuff related to the baby?