to have made my mum cry..

[natandchris10]

she deserved it..

saturday night her and my dad cancelled going to a birthday party because he was put on call from work.. so she said she would have LO (9months) over night for us to get a rest.. she mentioned they would nip the present to the person at the do...

bearing in mind my LO goes to bed every day without fail at 7pm, they took the present at 8.30. i spoke to mum just after 8.30 and she said they would be going straight home after 5 mins so i said fine no problem, i said please let me know your all home and LO is sleeping and ok, gets to 9.30pm and i had heard nothing so i thought i would call her.. i rang her mobile, dads mobile, dads work phone, house phone about 300000 times each and got no answer, got to 10.30 and still no answer...

I was going out of my mind..pacing the floor the phone rang at 11pm it was my mum, she tells me they are at the party and LO was 'fine'

i flipped. i couldnt belive how iressponsible she had been. her excuse was no signal. bollox cause it rang. i shouted at her until she cried.

[belgo]

I think LifeForrent has really taken over this thread arguing about routines, it seems clear to me that Natandchris10 was far more worried about not knowing what was happening and not being able to contact her parents.

[fishtankneedscleaning]

If my DD asked me to check in with her, several times, when I babysit for my grandchildren I would tell her to take a running jump!

If she cannot trust me to look after my grandchildren then she shouldn't ask me to - simple!

[CURLYMAMMA]

I would've freaked out too about the non-contact thing. Not bothered about the routine but I would've been upset they were out and uncontactable. I guess people all worry about different things.

[natandchris10]

togarama

it was at a bowling alley. loads of louts hanging around it (there always is on a sat night)

they said they wernt going. and i was out of my mind when they said they were leaving at 8.30. and were still there at 11pm when i finally got through to them
the problem is partly routine as LO is suffering now. (over tired)

the main problem as i said above is due to being absent for hours with me thinking they were driving home

[Fillybuster]

Loving the view into how others live, but not in the mood to get judgeypants out of wardrobe right now :)

OP, YANBU for worrying - I would have been equally concerned about the lack of contact etc, but making your mother cry is simply not on. I think an apology for that bit of it is required...and that you may need to agree some ground rules with your dps before they take your LO again :)

[backwardpossom]

Well said fishtank - it makes me wonder how the OP is still alive since her mum is obviously so irresponsible...

[AliBellandthe40jingles]

OP - I don't understand why you were trying to ring your Mum to check up on her? Surely you just relax and have a nice child-free evening in the knowledge that your baby is with someone who loves and cares for them almost as much as you do, rather than ringing to check that they're in bed etc?
YABU to have yelled until you made her cry, but I suspect that karma will have you on that one because it will be a long time before she babysits for you again.

LFR - no-one who weans their baby at 15 weeks is responsible. Far more damaging to introduce food at that age than have an occasional 11pm bedtime at 9 months.
I feel sorry for your DH who doesn't get to see his child during the week.

[PuraVida]

Sorry to go OT. but 5.15? That's day, night time is for sleeping

And assessed at being 12 months when only 9 or whatever snarf. What a big load of Bollocks.

[oneortwo]

FTNC, nice!

y'know it doesn't mean I don't trust my mum to look after DS, if that was the case she would not be looking after DS AT ALL.

but when they're babies its very hard for a mum to just not know where their baby is, regardless of who they're with.

My mum texts me to say "out for walk" "at playground" "in costa having babyccinos" etc when she has LO, its not info about HOW she is looking after him because I trust her, I just wanna know where he is!

[Blu]

I would have been anxious - frantic - by lack of cal since she had said she would call you. But then sonce she had given you a night off, why were you calling her all the time anyway? She should have kept in contact, and not the best night to have ababy out late, but I think being pleased yu made her cry is a bit horrible.

[ReindeerBollocks]

OP I get why you were upset. I don't condone making your mum cry but I understand that you were tense and probably snapped.

You still need to apologise for making her cry though. She will need to apologise too for being completely out of contact and keeping your baby out late when you are not happy with this.

Please don't let this destroy all future babysitting though for both sakes. And here's a little something to remember - we can lay down rules and hope grandparents will do as we would - but sometimes they won't. My mum lets my DC get up to all sorts but I trust her and ultimately know they are safe. And it's because my mum isn't as strict as me that my DCs adore her so much.

Talk to your mum, set out what is acceptable when babysitting if there's a next time - but please apologise for making her cry.

[SantasENormaSnob]

I think the crying is a red herring

some people cry to get themselves out of trouble. I've done wrong but woe is me so you can't tellme I'm wrong. Bullshit.

[swanandduck]

I haven't read the whole thread but, based on op, YANBU. Your mother should have bloody rung to let you know where they were. And I'm sure the reason you shouted was because you were frantic and upset,

[DontLetTinselDragOnTheFloor]

What would i have done in simiar circumstance?
Well, I certainly wouldn't have shouted at anyone, let alone my mother, until they cried. That would have been really nasty behaviour.


Were you unreasonable to have been worried? no.

Were you unreasonable to shot at your mother until she cried? Damn right you were.
You need to apologise.


FWIW, LifeForRent, all three of mine have had really flexible routines. I think that's why they are such good sleepers now.

[APixieInMyTea]

Surely when you ask your parents to look after your LO, you now exactly where they are.... With your parents.

If I ask my mum to look after my little one's for me then i obviously trust her enough to ask. I would NEVER dream of checking up on her to know exactly where she is with my babies because if I had a problem they wouldn't be with her in the first place.

[oneortwo]

op I wonder if some of the replies are thinking of how much agression it would take to make their own mothers cry like that and assuming that what what you dosed out, when actually it sounds like you were just frantic and she cried quite soon into it? am I wrong?

[natandchris10]

can i just point out i was calling her all the time..

I spoke to her once at 8.30. agreed a quick call or text to let me no LO had settled ok.

didnt hear from after an hour so i tried to call and it developed from there.. not answering the housephone worried me as one of them will always answer.

[fishtankneedscleaning]

Oneortwo. If you trust your mum to look after your DC why do you feel the need to know where they are and what they are doing every 5 mins.

Someone you trust has taken the DC off you for a break. Enjoy it!

[ilovemyfestivehens]

9 month old baby out until gone 11pm? In this cold weather and unable to contact them?

That's not acceptable at all and I'm not surprised you went bananas with your mother. Fix up a responsible babysitter in the future if their priority is going out. She should have phoned you to let you know where she was as well.

[APixieInMyTea]

oneortwo she said in her op that she "shouted at her until she cried"

Not nice imo.

[dufduf]

Would you have flipped if LO had gone to bed late but they had stayed home all night? Just trying to clarify the issue you had, whether it was the late night or the fact that you couldn't get in touch with them.

I can tend to be a bit of an accidental drama queen so I do sympathise. I always imagine the worst - car crashes etc - when I can't get in touch with someone that I should be able to, esp if phone is just ringing out and can get myself worked up into a right state by the time I get to speak to the person. If your dad was on call I would have expected you to have been able to get in touch with him!

I think you may have over reacted to the point of making your mum cry though. How about a sit down with a cuppa and a piece of cake and explain (calmly) why you were so angry, apologise for upsetting her and set some basic ground rules for if she babysits again. I'm sure she will still want to help out with her grandchild regardless.

[natandchris10]

oneortwo she cried after i shouted at her saying what the bloody hell are you playing at i have been out of my mind... i couldnt help but shout..

tears started quite quickly. dad shouted at me for shouting at mum. as per im the baddy (its always been in my family)

[ilovemyfestivehens]

Bowling alley as well? That's horrible for a baby to be in a place like that at that time of night.

[ilovemyfestivehens]

Perhaps she needs to toughen up. I don't cry if someone shouts at me. She's a grown woman.

[oneortwo]

"oneortwo she said in her op that she "shouted at her until she cried"

right, and that would mean a lot of shouting at most people before they cried

but I wouldn't cry immediately if someone shouted "what the bloody hell are you playing at i have been out of my mind..."

the thing about "shouted at her until she cried" is it did not indicate how much it took for her to cry and I think people applied their own standards and assumed the OP went ape for ages, or was REALLY cutting, which doesn't seem to be the case