to have made my mum cry..

[natandchris10]

she deserved it..

saturday night her and my dad cancelled going to a birthday party because he was put on call from work.. so she said she would have LO (9months) over night for us to get a rest.. she mentioned they would nip the present to the person at the do...

bearing in mind my LO goes to bed every day without fail at 7pm, they took the present at 8.30. i spoke to mum just after 8.30 and she said they would be going straight home after 5 mins so i said fine no problem, i said please let me know your all home and LO is sleeping and ok, gets to 9.30pm and i had heard nothing so i thought i would call her.. i rang her mobile, dads mobile, dads work phone, house phone about 300000 times each and got no answer, got to 10.30 and still no answer...

I was going out of my mind..pacing the floor the phone rang at 11pm it was my mum, she tells me they are at the party and LO was 'fine'

i flipped. i couldnt belive how iressponsible she had been. her excuse was no signal. bollox cause it rang. i shouted at her until she cried.

[EvilTwinsAteRudolph]

LifeForRent - does your child nap during the day?

[belgo]

I think this thread is a bit confusing, Lifeforrent is not the OP.

[christmasheave]

Wow, what a lesson in how others live!

OP - YABU to make your mum cry and good luck getting babysitting again.

I took my 11mo dd abroad at 4 mos (no routine) to weddings at 6, 8 & 9 mos (damn that summer wedding window) and she slept nicely in her pram at the evening do and was bright as a button the next day. When I leave her with my mum and dad I don't call and check up on them every 5 mins as I trust them completely.

Then again dd is not my first child and I was a complete arsehole with DS1 with routines and all that crap.

Strangely dd is the most content, happy baby who has slept through since she was 8 weeks. Go figure!

[Merlotmonster]

I can understand why you would be worried if you couldnt get hold of someone.......but at the same time, its probably best you try and apologise to your mum....its nearly xmas ...goodwill to all men etc

[bibbitybobbitysantahat]

I know LifeForRent is not the op.

No confusion here, thanks.

I just felt that her spectacularly wanktastic post demanded a reply.

[APixieInMyTea]

I can't ever imagine putting my kids to bed at 5.15.

For one, they (well the toddler) would have to eat alone and I like eating together as a family and two, I actually like spending time with my children. That's why I had them!

[belgo]

I agree with that Merlotmonster, it's probably a good idea for natandchris10 to explain to her mother exactly why she was so upset and apologise for shouting.

[Igglystuffedfullofturkey]

disco I wish DS did. We tried going with the flow but he's too damn nosy he finds it hard to switch off. As a tiny baby he would get overtired so easily and be awake for hours. Not helped by his reflux. So a routine it was for us. I'm the most disorganised person I know but it suits. Lordy knows what'll happen when we have another! Fingers crossed they'll be a bit more laid back!

[wonderstuff]

LFR your routine works for you and thats great, but my dd was also on the ninty something percentile and is taller than average (not sure why thats a good thing but anyway) and she walked early and has a bigger than average vocab and is generally thriving and we had no routine at all none, when she was tiny she was up until she dropped and got passed around at social events and we had a laugh. She is two now and bedtimes are now much more important, but really there are many ways to parent, there is no right or wrong. Well there is a wrong, but there are many ways of getting it right.

[Whitethorn]

NatandChris10

YANBU for being upset, I think mother hormones are programmed to overreact when you dont know exactly where your children are.
Also you are within your rights to be annoyed when your parents take your DD to a party when she is meant to be asleep. Its a breech of trust and your mum probably knows that.

However YABU to shout at your Mum like that and you will have to eat humble pie as aggression always puts you in the wrong. My advice is call her and apologise for shouting and making her cry but explain why you were upset and admit over reacting, bring a cake, box of chocs as a peace offering and say that of course you want Granny to mind your DD but you got a fright and you are sure your Mum (being a Mum) understands that feeling.

[discobeaver]

They have both been great sleepers, igglyturkey, very lucky for me, I love sleep also! Next one due in May, hope it's the same!

[changeforthebetter]

LFR will probably have another baby who doesn't sleep through till s/he is 3 and even then wakes as bright as anything at 5 sodding thirty every day. Routine, yadda, yadda. You got a kid that sleeps, next time, it may be different (yes, this is based on bitter personal experience )

[Gargula]

I couldn't give a monkeys backside about routines but I totally understand your anger OP.

Your Mum told you at 8:30 they would be leaving in five mins and promised to give you a bell when all was settled - and then you didn't hear anything until 11! I would have been frantic with worry about them all which could easily have become anger with the relief on finding out all was well. All that adrenalin has to go somewhere.

It's very sad you made your Mum cry, and nowt to be proud of, but it's undestandable.

[natandchris10]

OK.. OP HERE...

Can i just point out that the going to bed late wasnt the issue..

the we are just leaving at 8.30 ish and not hearing from her till 11pm still at the party was the problem...

I was out of my mind with worry sobbing in fact.. i snapped when she called back all blaza (sp? sorry) about the situation and the fact i thought my baby was in a ditch somewhere!! i couldnt go to them quickly because they had my car.. i was going to get in a taxi. was even ready to call the police.

Can i also point out that they had planned to go to the party so were having LO sunday afternoon instead they cancelled party however changed there minds when they got there, i wouldnt of minded if they had called to tell me they wanted to go..

dad did get called out but told customer the snow prevented him (we have no snow here)

[SantasENormaSnob]

Op I think your parents were very unreasonable.

I wonder if your mum is the type to cry if things don't go her way.

[changeforthebetter]

sorry side-tracked by routine -freakery-- other posters.

OP YABU

[Whitethorn]

LifeforRent
I love routine, had a DD who slept through from 7 weeks but at 5.15pm bedtime. Have never heard of that early!

You are very aggressive when defending your routine, why bother. I genuinely couldnt care less what anyone would think of mine.

[starkadder]

It's sad that this thread has descended into a "routines are great and the only way" vs "routines mean you're inflexible and selfish" discussion. Come on, people...just allow each other to do what works for themselves and their babies.

natandchris - I'm also amazed that people think you're being unreasonable. I'd have been beside myself if I hadn't known where my baby was for two and a half hours - especially if I'd known that cars were involved, and especially in this weather. I would also have been SO upset with the other person involved, and I'd also bet that your mum was crying because she realised how awful you must have felt - and, after all, you're her baby and that must have been pretty upsetting for her. So I'd say, YANBU, but it would still be worth calling your mum back when you're feeling calmer so you can both reassure each other that everything is OK after all.

[Igglystuffedfullofturkey]

Good luck disco! wouldn't wish sleep deprivation on anyone!

[oneortwo]

OP I completely understand, I was ready to call the police too when my mum walzed through the door (she was soon asked to go right back out it, minus the baby)

I was SOO upset, it wasn't that she took him out, it was the not knowing AND having no way of finding out! how was I to know that they hadn't been hit by a car 2 blocks away, She'd told me that she was just going to walk round the block and was gone over an hour!

If someone tells you they'll be back at X time, and they're not. It is not unreasonable to begin to wonder if there's a serious reason behind it

[natandchris10]

mum is a crier, especially when she is in the wrong.

i wonder what you guys who say im unreasonable would have done in my situation?

[togarama]

I've had to read this thread several times to try and understand the problem. I'm still not sure I've got it.

I could understand being worried about the lack of phone contact. But you appear to be more concerned about the lapse in routine which seems to me to be a total non-issue unless your LO has a diagnosed sleep disorder or some other medical problem which is better managed on a schedule.

I'd have no problem at all with my mum taking DD to a family-style birthday party (i.e. at a close friend's house with no loud music or excessive drinking) and bringing her back at 11pm.

Yelling at your mum until she cries is just bullying, tbh. There are more civilised and effective ways to make a point without damaging family relationships (e.g. don't leave your DD with her unless she agrees to phone you at set times).

[togarama]

[Cross posts with OP]

[oneortwo]

mine didn't cry when I reacted just like the OP to a similar situation, does that make my less unreasonable than her?