to have made my mum cry..

[natandchris10]

she deserved it..

saturday night her and my dad cancelled going to a birthday party because he was put on call from work.. so she said she would have LO (9months) over night for us to get a rest.. she mentioned they would nip the present to the person at the do...

bearing in mind my LO goes to bed every day without fail at 7pm, they took the present at 8.30. i spoke to mum just after 8.30 and she said they would be going straight home after 5 mins so i said fine no problem, i said please let me know your all home and LO is sleeping and ok, gets to 9.30pm and i had heard nothing so i thought i would call her.. i rang her mobile, dads mobile, dads work phone, house phone about 300000 times each and got no answer, got to 10.30 and still no answer...

I was going out of my mind..pacing the floor the phone rang at 11pm it was my mum, she tells me they are at the party and LO was 'fine'

i flipped. i couldnt belive how iressponsible she had been. her excuse was no signal. bollox cause it rang. i shouted at her until she cried.

I don't think the OP stood a chance once she mentioned routines TBH

name change, repost same event but as a lentil weaver who took up friend's / neighbours / sis's / PILs offer of babysitting, and see what happens

OP - actually my children are always in bed by 6.30. Earlier if they're tired. But if they are staying with their grandparents (which happens occasionally, and they all love it) I leave it up to Mum to sort out when they go to bed.

For the record, I don't think it's unreasonable that you were worried, but your original post asked "Am I being unreasonable to have made my mum cry" and the answer is yes. And if you're so well educated, how come you're so bad at expressing yourself? Shouting until someone cries implies very much that you kept going until she burst into tears, otherwise you would have said "I shouted and she cried", not "until she cried" or "I made her cry". And calling anyone an arsehole when they disagree with you isn't exactly the sign of someone with sophisticated communciation skills, is it?

Err "so acordding to most of you my mum goes AWOL for 2 1/2 hours in snowy weather at a fucking bowling alley which is reknown for fighting and trouble and i am the one in the wrong because i got cross with her??? she bloody knew she had done wrong hence the tears"

I thought you said
" natandchris10 Mon 20-Dec-10 20:32:10
(we have no snow here)"

Which is true OP?

You'll have to define pombear, sorry. The definition keeps changing.

in this weather, you can have no snow one minuite and are stuck the next, or your road can be clear and neaby towns are snowed in.

yesterday there was SIX DEGREES difference between home and DHs work (15 mins away)

Random and irrelevant, jessie

Asking you to clarify a question you asked me is random? The link's quite clear!

Ah well, never mind.

No,jessie, your earlier comments were random and irrelevant, not asking what pom bear is!

Ah, thanks for clarifying.

I've read the whole thread and I can sort of see why you were cross.

But to be honest, the way you conducted yourself on the phone and subsequently on here, is pretty awful.

I am shocked that you seemed to feel you were so justified in making your mum cry. I'm even more shocked that you called your mum an arsehole!

I can see why you always feel like you are the bad guy' in your family. I can quite see why your family would view you as the bad guy.

You sound horrible.

natnchris - I don't think you soud horrid at all, I would have gone absolutely mental in the circumstances.

I think it's all well and good people saying that you should be grateful for childcare no matter what, but if I had the offer of childcare then I would feel totally justified wanting to know in advance what the plan was. And if the plan involved being out until 11PM at a noisy, not child friendly bowling alley, I would have said, thank you but I can manage without that kind of childcare and either paid a babysitter or changed my own plans. If someone said they were staying in to look after my child and then decided, without my consent to trail her around to an adult party, in an adult venue which she would not have enjoyed at all, I would be absolutely furious, and shout at them. If they'd compounded that with And if they cried, I wouldn't give a monkeys in the circumstances.

And that is even before them saying, yes, we're taking the baby home, be home in 20 minutes and then ignoring the phone for 2 hours deliberately. Again, I would be so worried and angry that I wouldn't care about shouting being upsetting.

Lucky-that's okay then..it totally justifies making her mother cry and calling her an arsehole.Oh and telling some mn's to f**k off..

Calling her an arsehole....not ideal but she's letting off steam, I don't think she did it to her face.

And as for making her mother cry, like I said, I think her mother behaved appallingly. Attacking someone with the intention of making them cry is wrong, but being furious with someone in these circumstances. and letting them know in no uncertain terms is fair enough, especially if they were frantic with worry about their child as well. Maybe the mother cried because she was a bit drunk and emotional?

You don't need to make someone cry to prove your point.The OP sounds disgusting.Enough said.

so let me get this straight. No matter what the OPs mother does, she should not be confronted, ever! (if she cries immediately when confronted).

To be upset and worried about the lack of contact is understandable. To let them know how upset you are so that next time they will let you know of any change of plans is again understandable.
To shout at someone until you have made them cry, particularly your mum, is VVU and far from acceptable....made worse by posting on the internet for support for your horribleness rather than picking up the phone and explaining/apologising for your overreaction.

Nobody has ever said that oneortwo
Most posters have just commented on the fact that the OP very easily made her mother cry,called her an arsehole(twice)and told a few mn's to eff off when she didn't like what she heard.
Doesn't come across as the most charming prson.

"To shout at someone until you have made them cry"

when probed the OP said that her mother cried pretty much immediately and sounds a bit manipulative TBH, she had one sentance out which went along the lines of "what the hell, I've been so worried", then the tears started.

Sounds pissed or passive agressive so it would be that rather than the OP who made the woman cry IMO

yes they have JCC, there are posts on here that say its never okay to make your mum cry or to shout till someone cries (irrespective of whether it takes them 20 seconds of shouting, or 20 mins of it to cry [cry])

I think the term "never acceptable" has been used somewhere?

Oh and of course she changed her story and said she cried straight away(how convenient)to make her sound less of a horrible nasty cow.

not [cry] ?????

I think it's extraordinary how much respect people think that a mother or father ought to get simply by being a mother or father.

Let's recap. The grandma:

• did the opposite of what she promised to do, when entrusted with the care of a child
• stayed out of contact for hours to hide that fact
• in doing so, ruined any chance of the OP actually enjoying her time off
• did something which, while in and of itself isn't the biggest end of the world, made for a crap night for the baby too -- staying up late in a lairy bowling alley instead of tucked up sleeping
• used a combination of crying and blame to avoid taking responsibility

That is unacceptable behaviour. Much more serious than being shouted at. I would not trust someone with a baby again if they were going to discount my wishes, provide false reassurances, lie about their whereabouts and refuse to accept responsibility.

I also share with a few other posters a sense of bewilderment at the pompous "how dare you call your mother an arsehole" comments. Intemperate language is common in many families, and it doesn't mean they're all dysfunctional and abusive.

Finally, I loved the now-deleted post in which EvilTwin says its unacceptable to call people names like arsehole and does so by ... calling the OP other names instead. Priceless.

I don't think the story change because when I read the OP I did not jump to any conclusions about how much shouting the OP must have done before her mother cried

If others drew conclusions based on how much (and what kind of) shouting it would take to make them or their mums cry, then they read the later post about the sentance it actually took. Then the story in their minds may well be different to the later post.

But take away any assumptions made and the story has not changed at all

Okay..so the mother/father were very awful for not being communicative etc..
But the OP moaned/yelled at her mothr til she cried,has called her an arsehole and has told some mumnetters to eff off.
I feel NOTHING for a person like this.

It makes me feel very sad that alot of women have lost their mums and they have to read this nasty shite.
How dare someone call their mother an ARSEHOLE!?HOW DARE THEY???