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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have made my mum cry..

435 replies

natandchris10 · 20/12/2010 19:59

she deserved it..

saturday night her and my dad cancelled going to a birthday party because he was put on call from work.. so she said she would have LO (9months) over night for us to get a rest.. she mentioned they would nip the present to the person at the do...

bearing in mind my LO goes to bed every day without fail at 7pm, they took the present at 8.30. i spoke to mum just after 8.30 and she said they would be going straight home after 5 mins so i said fine no problem, i said please let me know your all home and LO is sleeping and ok, gets to 9.30pm and i had heard nothing so i thought i would call her.. i rang her mobile, dads mobile, dads work phone, house phone about 300000 times each and got no answer, got to 10.30 and still no answer...

I was going out of my mind..pacing the floor the phone rang at 11pm it was my mum, she tells me they are at the party and LO was 'fine'

i flipped. i couldnt belive how iressponsible she had been. her excuse was no signal. bollox cause it rang. i shouted at her until she cried.

OP posts:
oneortwo · 21/12/2010 14:25

"She could have said 'awful woman'etc..
I think someone must be extremely vulgar to use language like that"

that's is fair enough! if you think its a vulgar choice of words in general that's fine.

I just don't understand why people think that mothers are exempt. Either its an unacceptable way to speak to anyone, or its not IMO

scurryfunge · 21/12/2010 14:25

You cannot possibly justify making someone cry or calling them an arsehole, oneortwo.

tinkertitonk · 21/12/2010 14:27

OP, why did you bother asking AIBU when you are so certain that you were reasonable?

jessiealbright · 21/12/2010 14:27

There's certainly a lot of posts that are infuriatingly (but possibly unintentionally) promoting the idea that mothers can never be in the wrong.

oneortwo · 21/12/2010 14:30

"You cannot possibly justify making someone cry or calling them an arsehole, oneortwo."

to the latter, fine, so long as it applies to calling ANYONE that!

to the former, what the OP did wouldn't have made most other people cry. She did not do something that anyone else here admitted would have made them cry. She shouted ONE SENTANCE when she finally got to speak to them because she was scared. Take away the crying, and if you can justify the sentance, then it is justified.

EvilTwinsAteRudolph · 21/12/2010 14:30

I've been reading this thread since the beginning, and I don't remember the bit where the OP wrote out verbatim what was said in the conversation between her and her mother, oneortwo so how can you claim that there was just one sentence, which was neither attacking or unreasonable. Not once, as far as I can see, has the OP said

"It went like this. I said "Hi Mum, thanks for looking after DD, but I was just wondering why you took her to that party" at which point Mum burst into tears"

Has she?

No, She has made it quite clear that she "shouted until she cried" and moreover, that her mother "deserved it".

Original poster
natandchris10 · 21/12/2010 14:30

wtf? have some of you even read all of my posts??

i wasnt very clear on my last post...

i spoke to my mum, called her to apologise for shouting at her and to explain it was heat of the moment however she shouldnt of gone AWOL, not answered etc etc...

she proceeded to tell me she had done nothing wrong and didnt understand why i was cross with her.. this is why i called her an arsehole. because just as my mother does she never sees she has done wrong and trys to make me the bad guy.

so acordding to most of you my mum goes AWOL for 2 1/2 hours in snowy weather at a fucking bowling alley which is reknown for fighting and trouble and i am the one in the wrong because i got cross with her??? she bloody knew she had done wrong hence the tears

what for example if she had had a car accident at say 10pm after telling me she had left at 8.30pm, what if she had killed my child in a car accident in the icy weather because she didnt leave when she said she would? as we all know roads get worse as the night goes on.. would i of been ok to shout at her then???

this is not about me being ungrateful because if she had done as SHE SAID she would and what SHE told me she would do this thread wouldnt even exist. i am very lucky to have parents who will look after my LO to help us out and i have NEVER taken it for advantage.

OP posts:
AlexaMulberry · 21/12/2010 14:31

I wouldn't say that other posters are promoting the idea that mothers can never be in the wrong, I would say that they are implying that there are much more civilised ways of putting across your argument than reducing someone to tears and petty name-calling.

EvilTwinsAteRudolph · 21/12/2010 14:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

JodiesMummy · 21/12/2010 14:35

Its OK everyone Lifeforrent will be back soon when the kids are in bed to add some much needed patronisation responsibility to this debate.

oneortwo · 21/12/2010 14:35

evil twin ate rudolf, she did say that she said (shouted) something like "what the hell have you been up to, I've been worried sick", and the tears started (is that about right op?)

but apparently if someone cries when challenge that means they shouldn't have been challenged, not matter what?

natandchris10 · 21/12/2010 14:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

usualsuspect · 21/12/2010 14:35

I understand you were worried ,but to call your mum an arsehole is well out of order Im still Shock

scurryfunge · 21/12/2010 14:36

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

oneortwo · 21/12/2010 14:37

"That is your mother, show some respect"

"I wouldn't say that other posters are promoting the idea that mothers can never be in the wrong, I would say that they are implying that there are much more civilised ways of putting across your argument than reducing someone to tears and petty name-calling"

HmmGrin

AlexaMulberry · 21/12/2010 14:39

Oneortwo -Your point being....?

Original poster
natandchris10 · 21/12/2010 14:39

getting thread deleted... i didnt write to be abused.

shouting maybe wasnt the answer but it happened in the moment.

my mother went awol with my child. that is very wrong.

OP posts:
jessiealbright · 21/12/2010 14:41

Interesting how some posts seem to be focusing on the "it was your motherrrrrr" aspect (while resorting to petty name-calling), then? You know?

I haven't done a statistical analysis, but "you shouldn't call your motherrrrrr that" seems to be a more frequent response to that post than "you shouldn't call someone that".

cerealqueen · 21/12/2010 14:41

YANU to be worried, YABVU to make your mum cry as mums don't cry that easily in front of daughters do they, she'd have got were you were coming from being a mum too so you must have really let rip. She may not offer again?

LizzyLordsALeaping · 21/12/2010 14:42

Natandchris, just because people object to you being rude and hateful to your Mother (and delighting in it) doesn't mean that they will let their children run wild. Why would it?

FWIW, I would have been beside myself with worry myself, mine have always had set bedtimes and yes, 11pm is too late, especially as you were crawling the walls with worry.

Your Mother and Father were in the wrong in the first instance, very definitely.

However, what is really horrid is your attitude towards your Mother and Father ("i shouted at her until she cried", calling her an arsehole and speaking about your Father's "punishment") and also towards those who disagree with you on this thread.

LizzyLordsALeaping · 21/12/2010 14:44

And that attitude is wrong towards anyone. Not just your parents.

Delighting in shouting at anyone until they cry is wrong.

I daresay your Mother didn't offer to babysit in order to get abused either.

jessiealbright · 21/12/2010 14:44

Now, what would have happened with this thread if it had been a mother-in-law that had neglected to give the OP the agreed phone-call...

jessiealbright · 21/12/2010 14:45

Mother- in-law

Original poster
natandchris10 · 21/12/2010 14:46

i didnt delight in making her cry?!

i didnt ask my mother to lie to me?

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 21/12/2010 14:46

jessiealbright-why are you going all pom bear about this?