Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have made my mum cry..

435 replies

natandchris10 · 20/12/2010 19:59

she deserved it..

saturday night her and my dad cancelled going to a birthday party because he was put on call from work.. so she said she would have LO (9months) over night for us to get a rest.. she mentioned they would nip the present to the person at the do...

bearing in mind my LO goes to bed every day without fail at 7pm, they took the present at 8.30. i spoke to mum just after 8.30 and she said they would be going straight home after 5 mins so i said fine no problem, i said please let me know your all home and LO is sleeping and ok, gets to 9.30pm and i had heard nothing so i thought i would call her.. i rang her mobile, dads mobile, dads work phone, house phone about 300000 times each and got no answer, got to 10.30 and still no answer...

I was going out of my mind..pacing the floor the phone rang at 11pm it was my mum, she tells me they are at the party and LO was 'fine'

i flipped. i couldnt belive how iressponsible she had been. her excuse was no signal. bollox cause it rang. i shouted at her until she cried.

OP posts:
LizzyLordsALeaping · 21/12/2010 13:21

Crikey.
Ummm, I can understand why you panicked, I would have panicked too.
However, ranting at your Mother, delighting in making her cry and speaking of "punishment" makes you sound like a very nasty and spoilt control freak.

It has nothing to do with bedtimes or being responsible and everything to do with respect and not treating people badly.

Please apologise to your Mother, you were way out of line. Look at your baby and imagine him talking to you like that in 18 years time.

GiddyPickle · 21/12/2010 13:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thisisyesterday · 21/12/2010 13:23

i would have been very annoyed/angry at not being able to contact someone who was caring for my baby, esp if they had said they were heading home and then didn't

i would NEVER in a million years shout at anyone until they cried though.

your poor mum :(

JodiesMummy · 21/12/2010 13:24

I had a portable/adaptable baby once, was a nightmare. Couldnt find places to plug it in while I was on the go.

JodiesMummy · 21/12/2010 13:25

Agree with Lizzy, imagine when your son has children, I bet his wife will be on all the MIL threads on here moaning about you Grin

Ripeberry · 21/12/2010 13:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

DreamTeamGirl · 21/12/2010 13:29

Ok, YANBU to be worried and get yourself worked up when you couldn't get hold of your mum

but YABVVVVVVVVVVU to
a) make your mum cry and
b) call your own mother an arsehole???

WTF are you thinking of????

Please do phone her and say 'I am so sorry I made you cry and was horrid, but I was so so worried about DD. Please dont ever put me through that again ok?'

Whoever was asking if they were less U because their mother didnt cry. the answer is No. You are just as unreasonable, ungrateful and nasty.

SerendipitousHarlot · 21/12/2010 13:34

I sort of understand why you went off on one, OP - they should have called you when they said they would, and that sort of thing worries you, especially in this weather. So for you to then shout at your mum is understandable. But you should have apologised by now. And to call your mum an arsehole? That's out of order I'm afraid.

Also, earlier in the thread, you said that your dad got out of being on call because he told a customer he couldn't come out due to the weather - but then later on, you said that he had a bollocking from work for not answering his phone.... so which is it?

Whatever the reasons behind making your mum cry you are coming across as quite rude and aggressive tbh Hmm

jessiealbright · 21/12/2010 13:36

JodiesMummy "I had a portable/adaptable baby once, was a nightmare. Couldnt find places to plug it in while I was on the go."

Good one!

domeafavour · 21/12/2010 13:37

It's not the being up late, it's not that they didn't answer the phone, it's not that you were understandably worried. It's because you shouted at your mum until she cried.... and she deserved it.
that's a horrible thing to do and say.

santagotstuckuptheCHIMCHARney · 21/12/2010 13:39

yanbu for being worried at not being able to contact your folks, but yubvu about your reaction to it.....

like other posters....i would welcome an opportunity for a break from my kids, and come to mention it, i would love to have a mum too....

look after your mum...you don't know how important to you she is...

Ripeberry · 21/12/2010 13:41

Same here, my mum has dementia (only 59yrs old) and recently my lovely MIL who in a way became my 'second mum' died suddenly last summer.

So you can see why this thread has got my back up Angry

weedle · 21/12/2010 13:43

OP - I'd have been worried when I couldn't get hold of anyone. To me it's the lack of contact that would have worried me. If my mum had dd, said she'd text when she was home and didn't and then an hour later there was no reply I would have been worried they'd got stuck in the snow or worse.

The crying thing sounds horrific to me because I know it would take a lot of fucking nasty rows for me to make mum cry.

BUT in both these cases I'm basing my reaction on my family - my mum would text or ring if she said she would and wouldn't cry unless something hideous had happened.

So no I dont think YABU to have worried but I think you should apologise for reacting in the heat of the moment

LoveMyGirls · 21/12/2010 13:45

I understand the need for routine and was fairly strict when mine were little BUT your mum managed to raise you so must have done ok, when you trust someone else with your baby then imo it's up to them what they do while they have got them and you either put up with their rules or don't leave your baby with anyone.

You should apologise to your mum and buy her flowers/ wine etc to make it tup to her because you were completely OTT and she did not deserve it, she was doing you a favour.

I do agree she should have been contactable and she should have made you aware of plans so you could have opted to collect your child.

AlexaMulberry · 21/12/2010 13:48

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

oneortwo · 21/12/2010 14:04

telling someone they do not deserve to have a mother (which I presume means you wish they were bereaved??) is far more cruel than venting about someone acting like an asshole when they did act like an asshole.

Being someones mother does not allow you free reign to behave how you like to that person. Respect is something you earn and keep earning! I don't expect to be allowed to do what I wish with my DCs future kids if I don't respect his feelings as a parent!

scurryfunge · 21/12/2010 14:08

oneortwo, not sure how you made that deduction....sounds like Alexa was saying the op didn't deserve to have someone like her mother (ie someone caring enough to offer to give their daughter a break).

JimmyChooChoo · 21/12/2010 14:12

Oneortwo-I don't think Alexa said the OP didn't deserve to have a motherHmm
But what type of person calls their mother an arsehole????

oneortwo · 21/12/2010 14:14

Having ones grandchild for an evening says very little about ones character. There are plenty of cruel, manipulative, unkind grand mothers who do that! (not saying that OPs mother is all of those things, but she's certainly not comming out smelling of roses in this either, noone on this thread has said that THEY would have cried after the OPs sentance, shouted or not! I think that says more about the OPs mother that the fact she took the child for the evening)

I do not get this thing about people thinking one should never challenge bad behaviour if it comes from a family member? who would accept this situation from any other babysitter? why is it okay for a mother to behave in a way to her own children that she could not do to non kin?

Why is "she's your mother" an excuse? Either behaviour is okay or its not!

oneortwo · 21/12/2010 14:17

"Oneortwo-I don't think Alexa said the OP didn't deserve to have a mother
But what type of person calls their mother an arsehole???"

unless you don't agree with ANYONE being called an arsehole (in which case fair enough)

then the type of person who calls their mother an arsehole is presumably someone who has a bit of an arsehole as a mother? maybe?

If people in general can be arseholes, then its possible for someone who is a mother to be an arsehole, and if they are, its possible for them to be arseholes to their children?

Your post sounds like its ok to call people that, as long as they are not your mother? like behaviour, calling names is either okay for everyone or its not? why are mothers exempt?

scurryfunge · 21/12/2010 14:19

oneortwo, you thinkng is distorted.

Challenging people is not about being rude and aggressive at all.

AlexaMulberry · 21/12/2010 14:19

Oneortwo - I am much amused by your twisting of my words, what a funny little person you are.

JimmyChooChoo · 21/12/2010 14:20

She could have said 'awful woman'etc..
I think someone must be extremely vulgar to use language like that.

oneortwo · 21/12/2010 14:22

"oneortwo, you thinkng is distorted.

Challenging people is not about being rude and aggressive at all"

I agree, but was the OP's sentance really that rude or aggressive!

I think people are assuming the OP really went for the jugular but if you read the thread, her mum cried straight away after ONE (not particularly unreasonable or attacking) sentance.

So sounds like the mother is someone who plays victim the second she is questioned to me, the OP has implied as much! I think its other posters on here who have distorted what the OP actually did just because the mother cried.

hatsybatsy · 21/12/2010 14:24

think anyone who is sooooo set on routines is probably best not to accept any offers of help to be honest?

and also think that anyone who gets themselves this cross over a non-event needs to just generally calm down a bit.

Swipe left for the next trending thread