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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have made my mum cry..

435 replies

natandchris10 · 20/12/2010 19:59

she deserved it..

saturday night her and my dad cancelled going to a birthday party because he was put on call from work.. so she said she would have LO (9months) over night for us to get a rest.. she mentioned they would nip the present to the person at the do...

bearing in mind my LO goes to bed every day without fail at 7pm, they took the present at 8.30. i spoke to mum just after 8.30 and she said they would be going straight home after 5 mins so i said fine no problem, i said please let me know your all home and LO is sleeping and ok, gets to 9.30pm and i had heard nothing so i thought i would call her.. i rang her mobile, dads mobile, dads work phone, house phone about 300000 times each and got no answer, got to 10.30 and still no answer...

I was going out of my mind..pacing the floor the phone rang at 11pm it was my mum, she tells me they are at the party and LO was 'fine'

i flipped. i couldnt belive how iressponsible she had been. her excuse was no signal. bollox cause it rang. i shouted at her until she cried.

OP posts:
ChippingIn · 21/12/2010 00:59

Natandchris - I have read some, but not all of the thread (my blood pressure was raging by the half way mark) - you asked what people would do who thought you were being unreasonable - I wouldn't demand my Mum rang every five minutes like you do, I would hand the baby over and say 'Call me if there's a problem you can't handle - thank you Mum xxx' End of. IF you trust your Mum to look after your DS you do not need to know where he is every minute, you do not need to know when he is asleep. If you trust her it doesn't matter if she's at home or out with him on the other hand if you do need to know these things IMO you do not trust you Mum.

differentnameforthis · 21/12/2010 02:14

I don't think 9 month old babies should be up as late as 11pm. Then again I'm responsible

Well yeah, so am I! But not to the point of being anal about bedtimes.

My dd1 was in a routine for sleep etc, but not one that couldn't be broken on the odd occasion of a party or get together etc. From about 1yr old she was up twice a week with her dad fetching me from work (he would wake her) and it didn't do her any harm.

I don't think this makes me irresponsible, just realistic. That sometimes babies need to be out of bed now & then & that having strict "can't be broken routines" really doesn't do anyone any favours!

My girls (7 & 2) sleep really well & will sleep through anything, I don't think this is down to making sure they were in bed at 7pm on the dot every night!

OP, your baby will be tired, of course. But maybe the grumpiness is more down to the fact that LO has had a stinking cold for weeks & weeks. I think your mother did you a huge favour. Hope you don't want any more done, any time soon!

Morloth · 21/12/2010 03:25

We are not at all responsible, we enjoy a wide ranging social life that involves children up at all hours of the night having a blast with their family.

Strangely neither of our children have self combusted as yet, but I suppose it could happen.

I love bedtime, if we are at home and it is a normal day or we have to be up the next day. However, since when did having kids mean no more BBQs and visits with people? However, have people managed over the years without the strict bedtimes which seem to be in fashion ATM?

oneortwo · 21/12/2010 09:05

"I wouldn't demand my Mum rang every five minutes like you do,"

she didn't. Her mum said she'd ring when she got in at 8 (or was it 8.30). No call came. In this weather I appreciate all my loved ones calling to let me know they made it safely. My OH calls when he gets to and is leaving work when the driving conditions are bad. I do trust him to drive safely, but I don't trust the conditions not to change, or other people to drive sensibly in this weather (see other thread where selfish drivers don't think ice on their roof is an issue for them and sod anyone behind Angry

It was only when the GP didn't ring to say they got home safe at the time they said (and for HOURS after) that the OP started calling every 5 mins. Understandable I think when the news has stories of todders stuck on roads and mothers walking 6 miles through the snow to find milk for them

belgo · 21/12/2010 09:30

oneortwo - I agree with that.

I suspect the grandmother cried because she felt guilty, it reminds me of when I was 17 year's old, on holiday in Italy with my parents, I went out with an italian man until 2am in the morning. My parents had not set a curfew, so I hadn't realised they had wanted me home earlier. My parents had been frantic with worry and shouted so much I cried, out of guilt. And I do not blame my parents one bit.

QuickLookBusySanta · 21/12/2010 09:33

YANBU

Your mum or dad should have contacted you because they said they would.

You must have been out of your mind with worry.

bamboobutton · 21/12/2010 09:49

read to page 5 and had to post.

both my dc go to bed at around 5pm and i'm not a cruel, mean mum desperate to get rid of them for the evening much.

6mo dd doesn't nap well so can't make it the holy grail of 7pm bedtime and nearly 3yo ds has had that bedtime since he was 15mo and he dropped his naps, i've lost count of the times i've come back from putting dd to bed and ds is asleep on the floor so none of my children are forced into bed to lie awake in the dark cos mummy wants to read her book in peace.

Original poster
natandchris10 · 21/12/2010 10:39

thank you for all of your replies.

just to point out AGAIN.. i do trust my mum with my LO however on this occasion she was out of line.. i only repeatedly called when she went AWOL.

dad hasnt gone unpunished- he got a bollocking at work for not answering his work phone.

mum - still doesnt see she did wrong apparently cause nothing happened.. arsehole

OP posts:
usualsuspect · 21/12/2010 10:40

Shock @ arsehole

bupcakesandcunting · 21/12/2010 10:45

"2Does anyone hope think that LFR's son will turn into one hell of a rebellious teenager when he hits 14?"

Oh he will, believe me. My two cousins who led a regimented life under my aunt's regime rebelled BIG TIME. Wacky backy, difficult goths, fighting in the street, the lot. Heh heh Grin Come back in fifteen years, LFR, let us know how it's going!

Original poster
natandchris10 · 21/12/2010 11:29

usualsuspect i saw the arsehole bit.. decided i would ignore the ignorance, if i am an arsehole for worrying about my child then so be it

OP posts:
scurryfunge · 21/12/2010 11:32

I think it was the shock at calling your mum an arsehole that was the problem with your last post.

mrswoodentop · 21/12/2010 11:58

5pm bedtime does seem eRly to me but if it works no problem,however I soul be trying to stretch a : year old out as soon school loom and IME you will struggle to get home,eat and do reading etc Nd be in be by 5.15.Also it will rule out after school activities or just going out for tea

mrswoodentop · 21/12/2010 12:01

Sorry phone driving me mad ,meant to say that I would try to stretch out the 3year old as once at school 5 would be very difficult to manage

APixieInMyTea · 21/12/2010 12:10

Did you seriously just call your mum an arsehole?

What an utterly delightful person you sound.

Curiousmama · 21/12/2010 12:12

natandchris10 I think you may need some help, have you told your HV or GP how you're acting? Though you'll probably feel you're the normal one and everyone else isn't? I agree you were right to be worried about your baby. But your reactions are OTT and rude. You just don't see this right now though.

Usualsuspect didn't call you an arsehole. Are you reading what you type on here? You sound like you need to take stock. Are you sleeping ok?

I'm not trying to be horrible I just know that when ds1 was young I was a nightmare so have seen this (on reflection). My hormones were all over the place though and I wasn't sleeping as ds1 cried a lot and didn't sleep. Sounds like you don't have that problem though?

Please step back a little and try to relax and think about the whole situation.

If you've posted to try to get everyone to think it's ok to disrepect your parents then you probably won't get that on here? I hope!

cornonthecob · 21/12/2010 12:14

only read OP, but sorry YABU, pfb? one night off routine is not the end of the world imo esp as she was doing you a favour..

traceybath · 21/12/2010 12:22

I've read this thread like this Shock

OP - seriously you refer to your mother 'being out of line' - wow is all I can say. I can understand you were worried but seriously you need to apologise not 'bollock' your parents.

And rent-person - you are so funny Grin You are joking aren't you?

hatesponge · 21/12/2010 12:36

so you haven't apologised for making your mum cry and refer to her as an arsehole. nice Hmm.

And all these people who put their babies to bed at 5 - when do they get to see/spend time with their dads (who I presume like most of the population are still at work at 5pm) or is that less important than putting them down to sleep as early as possible?

JimmyChooChoo · 21/12/2010 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

JimmyChooChoo · 21/12/2010 12:52

I was so shocked I couldn't even do the Shockface.

ILoveItWhenYouCallMeBoo · 21/12/2010 13:02

i know this thread has moved on alot but ARF at the 'responsible' poster weaning at 15 weeks.

thereisalightanditnevergoesout · 21/12/2010 13:04

Personally - a break in bedtime routine does make a difference, but I suppose when someone's doing you a favour you give them a bit of freedom like you did, OP. But a change, however small, can have an effect for a long time afterwards.

I can also understand why you were concerned - when they said 5 minutes and you'd agreed about what the new bedtime was, it was wrong of your parents to disregard that. And with this weather - I think I'd've been extremely worried, too.

But I hope I'd've found a way of expressing my worry and concern without making my Mum cry. That bit was very unreasonable.

JodiesMummy · 21/12/2010 13:06

OP - Id give ANYTHING, ANYTHING to have my Mum back to look after, spoil rotten and coddle my daughter, especially near Christmas. How dare you speak to your mother like that. She loves you and your son dearly.

nobodyisasomebody · 21/12/2010 13:14

Shock at calling your mum an arsehole.

You sound vile. And ungrateful.