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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To open MIL's hideous presents early so I can exchange them?!

252 replies

MsKalo · 17/12/2010 08:18

MIL buys my DD the most hideous looking granny type dresses - I have opened that part of the pressie so I can take it and exhabge it for some of the nicer dresses this high street chain does - I need to do it now before they go down in price after Xmas!

I mean, it is quite obvious how I dress my DD but she still buys her the most awful dresses! Yuk?

AIBU?

OP posts:
bb99 · 17/12/2010 10:11

I think it's a fantastic idea!

You could always have a posed photo and leave the tags on, then go to the shop and swap 'for a larger size'

Original poster
MsKalo · 17/12/2010 10:16

You know if she was lovely I would not have a problem with this, yes this goes deeper and I said she is blatantly rude because of other issues! If she was nice and we had a good relationship I would not feel like this and would be more grateful but I find it soooo hard with her! My nasty side comes out when dealing with MIL issues! We never used to even see her that much b4 kids (she never bothered with my DH much) and now she wants the granny title and have a say on things - no way! Feel sorry for my DH too as she is just weird and wants things her way! Aghhh! My baby always needs to warm up when people visit, she won't go to people easily, that's just the way she is, but MIL
Gets 'offended' by this, by a baby!

OP posts:
PsecretSantead · 17/12/2010 10:22

Why let her bring out your nasty side? She sounds a bit weird. Don't sink to it.

Original poster
MsKalo · 17/12/2010 10:24

Perfectstorm - yep I am beig brattish! She brings it out in me! I do keep some of the stuff and when baby grows up I would never display this to her and I am welcoming to MIL etc and never say anything horrid to kids about her but she does make the eldest a bit uncomfortable as she seems to expect them to jump all over her and if they sit with me etc - she says 'they only want mummy, not granny' in a nasty way and I always steer them to play with her etc - she is a har one to like
I hope that explains my bratty behaviour a bit better and ladies yes, I need to rise above it! I do appreciate the feedback and sorry for being a brat!

OP posts:
QuentinCrisp · 17/12/2010 10:24

Oh. My. God. Your daughter is a baby!

You are being precious in the extreme MsKalo. Lighten up, accept the gift gratefully and with generosity of spirit. It's christmas ffs. What does it matter if your dd wears something that you don't 100% approve of if it makes someone else happy?

Original poster
MsKalo · 17/12/2010 10:27

Yep I should not let her bring out my nasty side - I just hate having to spend time with someone I do not like as a person - she is one of those people who drains you and moans a lot but never does anything about her moans! Oh dear, this is like therapy !

OP posts:
PsecretSantead · 17/12/2010 10:28

I want to know how hairy your baby is if you can disagree about hairstyles!!! Grin

Original poster
MsKalo · 17/12/2010 10:31

Well she is twelve month old baby quentin
I think may have given you wrong impression - I not that precious about her clothing gifts, but some things from MIL - and due to deeper issues - I am
And I really don't like these dresses and she gas bought them in a size that won't fit in a month or so so I am going to change them

OP posts:
Original poster
MsKalo · 17/12/2010 10:32

The hairstyle issue is more with my ds
But DD has quite a lot of hair too!

It's the way she comments if his hair is not to her liking that grates...

OP posts:
diddl · 17/12/2010 10:33

If she is buying the dressed deliberately because she thinks that you won´t like them, then you have a point.

I love smocked dresses with a Peter Pan collar & I´m sure most some of you will that they´re hideous.

If I´m ever lucky enough to have a granddaughter, I´m sure I´llwant to buy her one.

pagwatch · 17/12/2010 10:34

Mskalo

Why don't you use this experience and use it to teach yourself and your dcs how to cope with difficult people.

You are letting her bother you and finding silly ways to get revenge. I know how understandable that it but it isn't good and by being mean spirited about a gift (however much you dislike her) isn't really a good thing to model

My mil is difficult. I always imagine that she is a very awkward client that I need to impress to get some business. It is astonishing how much easier it is to behave well when I imagine the relationship is not a personal one.

If you are honest you get so wound up and silly about her gift because it feels a bit like you are getting your own back. But it doesn't help or you wouldn't be on here complaining.

Also, if you are honest, your dcs may be picking up on your dislike _ returning the gift just makes that even more obvious. Try not to do that. Children can never have too many people that love them, even if it isn't perfect

Original poster
MsKalo · 17/12/2010 10:35

Bloody iPhone keeps changing words! Has not gas!

Baby is dressed in a beautiful hello kitty dress from h&m that I bought and is feeding peacefully so all is good

I really should stop calling her baby now though maybe...

OP posts:
Original poster
MsKalo · 17/12/2010 10:38

Honestly pagwatch I am lovely to her and my dc's don't pick up on it, if they are awkward with her it is because she makes them so, she sighs and acts like a hurt child if they don't sit next to her all the time we see her! She is a hard person to like and doesn't have hardly any friends...

OP posts:
QuentinCrisp · 17/12/2010 10:38

Pag I love you

Original poster
MsKalo · 17/12/2010 10:40

Diddl - I can't be sure if thats the case but it would not surprise me...

OP posts:
pagwatch · 17/12/2010 10:42

Well I love you too Quentin........

QuentinCrisp · 17/12/2010 10:52

what I meant to convey Pag, was that you wrote a lovely sensible generous post. And I love you Xmas Grin

Original poster
MsKalo · 17/12/2010 10:56

Do I get any love or am I too horrid!?

OP posts:
mssoul · 17/12/2010 10:56

Sorry kreecher - I assumed you meant baby knits. My dd1 is 13 and has known what she wants to wear for years! I don't go shopping for her now and if someone knitted something for her, it would most certainly end up in the charity shop Grin

QuentinCrisp · 17/12/2010 11:00

Oh alright MrsK, seeing as you sound nice, if a bit stressed about your mil, here's some love, if you promise to relax a little.

Original poster
MsKalo · 17/12/2010 11:03

OK, I will try and chill

I am too highky strung I know - two DC's who dont know the meaning of sleep has turned me into a right grump!

ta for the love!

Grin
OP posts:
thumbplumpuddingwitch · 17/12/2010 11:03

TBH, I think it is more reasonable to change the gifts for something you like and will actually use, than to either never use them or give them to charity.

I have a friend - their DC's godmother spent a fair whack of money on some hideoust noise-making toys (drumkit, electronic toy piano thing), neither of which my friend could cope with. So they ended up in the loft - the godmother was quite cross and said "If you hated them that much, why couldn't you have taken them back and got something you could cope with, rather than wasting them, especailly as they were expensive" - and friend said she would have but the DC had destroyed the boxes.

So - better to have gifts you can use, I feel.

Original poster
MsKalo · 17/12/2010 11:03

highly

not higky!

groan

I can't even type anymore...

OP posts:
Original poster
MsKalo · 17/12/2010 11:07

by the way Psecret - it is not like the link you sent, but i can't link to it in case i am exposed! that playsuit is ok!
these dresses are in nasty dull colours, granny prints and i can't believe this high street chain did them...

OP posts:
LifeOfKate · 17/12/2010 11:09

I think that your DC are probably picking up on your dislike of your MIL and that's why they are reluctant to interact with her. It doesn't matter the messages you think you convey about her, your body language is a powerful communicator to your children and they will know how you feel about her.

I don't think it's about clothes, TBH. My MIL is an amazing person, who has also knitted/bought DS some hideous things in the 12 months since he's arrived. I would never dream of exchanging them, and I use them regularly even though MIL won't know whether we have used them or not. I do it because she has been generous with her time and money and that's the best way I know to be grateful for what she has bought/knitted. I suspect it is hard for you to separate the buying of clothes you don't like with the dislike you have for her as a person, which isn't very fair. :(

FWIW, I hate clothes with characters on, so probably wouldn't like your Hello Kitty dress, and I am a young and spritely 28yo and definitely not a MIL yet Wink

Also, is it wrong that I liked the dress that PsecretPsantead linked to? Blush