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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To open MIL's hideous presents early so I can exchange them?!

252 replies

MsKalo · 17/12/2010 08:18

MIL buys my DD the most hideous looking granny type dresses - I have opened that part of the pressie so I can take it and exhabge it for some of the nicer dresses this high street chain does - I need to do it now before they go down in price after Xmas!

I mean, it is quite obvious how I dress my DD but she still buys her the most awful dresses! Yuk?

AIBU?

OP posts:
Tortington · 20/12/2010 00:02

there are two differents things going on here.

Klo, your posting style is contentious and peple are pulling you on that. you are rude and abrasive and not even witty with it.

However those of us who have had MIl issues in the past can sympathise with the ISSUE itself and it is sensible to exchange these items for ones which would be more useful.

ZacknJakesMuma · 20/12/2010 10:37

Can I just say that although I don't necessarily agree with the OP and yes she is very antagonistic at times, I do find the behaviour of some people posting on here absolutely appalling. Titian, maryz and beer I am referring to you in particular for your extraordinarily nasty ganging up on the OP. Whatever you may think about her, there is no excuse for bullying tactics and banding together to mock her. It's like being 15 again, we are all grown ups here for goodness sake. As for other peoples comments about how the OP chooses to dress her daughter- surely that's up to her. If she likes Hello Kitty clothes then who are you to judge?

maryz · 20/12/2010 11:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MsKLo · 20/12/2010 12:32

ZacknJakesMuma

yes, in hindsight I have been antagonistic in places and should have approached some posts better (at least i admit this and can see this, unlike the heckling bullies) but it is great to see yet another mumsnetter who can see just how appalling the behaviour (especially those three you referred to)of some of the others is - I and some of my mates sat open mouthed and laughing at their bullinging tactics and hysterical ranting last night - but here is one of them again defending herself and the others again with absoloutely no idea just how ridiculous they have, and are, making themselves look

they will probably carry on when they get a chance but thats fine as the more rubbish they come out with, the more they show themselves up with how they really are - and they are so ignorant that they cannot even see it - all they can do is throw more insults and then blame me for their bad manners

that she honestly thinks she is just disagreeing with her hysterical heckling is just amazing and has provided me with even more laughs and posts to show my mates

amazing!

thanks for your post ZacknJakesMuma and I will take what you say on board

TitianTinselTemptress · 20/12/2010 14:46

So just to clarify ZacknJakesMuma and MsKLo, is it this bit of the thread you were both referring to?:

TitianTinselTemptress Sun 19-Dec-10 22:44:14
DID SHE? Brilliant I wondered where she'd gone, chicken!

maryz Sun 19-Dec-10 22:46:03
Here is the other thread here. It's wonderful - she is really polite to everybody .

TitianTinselTemptress Sun 19-Dec-10 22:47:12
Oh thank god you linked have just been trying to find it

I fail to see how amusement about the OP starting a thread about a thread counts as 'hysterical ranting' or 'heckling', constitutes ganging up, or warrants being called witches - it IS pretty funny that she felt the need to do that as far as I am concerned!

OP it is interesting that in your last post you say "yes, in hindsight I have been antagonistic in places and should have approached some posts better (at least i admit this and can see this, unlike the heckling bullies)" - this is the first time you have admitted you could have actually been out of order.

MsKLo · 20/12/2010 15:02

not to you or the other two hecklers

i have been perfectly reasonable to repsond to your posts the way i have and have noooooo regrets about them

definately not to you three witches

you are not included in my hindsight at all

BootyMum · 20/12/2010 15:04

Have just read the whole thread and personally feel the OP is completely out of order on so many levels...

If I was your MIL and had spent time and effort choosing dresses for my grand-daughter I would be really hurt to think that my DIL cared so little for my feelings that she thought it reasonable to reject both items I had carefully picked and wrapped and had returned them prior to Christmas. I mean, would it really hurt you to just put your daughter in these outfits when she spends time with her grandmother? Would probably make your MIL very pleased and proud and you could then bask in the warm glow of having made her happy.

Secondly, if the dresses are anything like the ones from Next that other posters have suggested I think they are rather nice really Confused

Lastly I think you are being a bit hysterical about feeling bullied and mistreated on here. All I have read is mainly very pleasant posts agreeing or disagreeing with you and a couple who have suggested that you might be a little selfish or precious in your attitude to this particular issue. This is fairly mild for AIBU. TBH if you decide to post here you have to be prepared for honest responses, some of which won't agree with you or feel very differently from you. C'est la vie - it's what makes MN so interesting.

Now all of the above is only my personal opinion, nothing more, nothing less. You can make of it what you will but please don't call me sanctimonious... Grin

MsKLo · 20/12/2010 15:13

i don't think you are sanctimonious bootymum

you have offered your opinion in a very adult manner

there is more to the MIL thing and her often horrendous manner so that is why i opened them but you are justified to make your point

i have kept the other 3 dresses she bought and just returned the two i reallllllly dont like - we dont see her that often anyhow so i am sure if she sees her in just one of the three kept it will be fine

but you have made some valid comments and yes it isnt that nice to open them before xmas and even if she isnt that nice in general, it doesnt mean i should not be, she just makes it sooooo hard sometimes...

there have been a few lessons learnt here for me from those who have posted in an adult manner

but i still think some of the posts were bullish and nasty but hey ho, that is their problem, it doesnt really matter to my life at the end of the day...

i suppose the hysteria as you call it, was me reacting to certain things and egged by some mates who were here over the weekend who also hijacked the computer although i let them! i am not as precious about it as it sounds, it sounds worse on the computer and when you are egged on

anyway thanks booty - no talk of being sanctimonious from me for you!

TitianTinselTemptress · 20/12/2010 16:09

I just started to compose another post, but I really can't be bothered.

noblegiraffe · 20/12/2010 16:55

You had friends over this weekend and you spent the whole time on Mumsnet?! I guess some people's ideas of a good time are different to mine.

pommedeterre · 20/12/2010 16:59
maryz · 20/12/2010 17:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

earwicga · 21/12/2010 15:57

''

Unless they have some sort of codpiece and your child has entered puberty, there is no such thing as 'boy trousers'. Children's clothes don't come complete with vulvas or penises.

pommedeterre · 22/12/2010 14:56

Well, neither do adults clothes last time I looked. They are definitely gender specific though. I suppose I could wear men's clothes but as I'm not of model like proportions I wouldn't be pulling of the androgynous look but more simply looking shite.
I don't like to look shite. At least not on purpose.
You could argue that some female clothes are designed to show off one's attached to the body vulva I suppose.
To sum up earwicga - slightly over serious/earnest and pretentious comment there.

Megatron · 22/12/2010 15:31

I've read so many posts in various threads recently about people being hacked off about not getting what they 'want' from people. I agree with a previous poster about brattish tendancies here. Everyone has been given things they don't particularly like, my MIL gave my DD a black sequinned tutu 'for parties' when she was 2 which was truly hideous but DD adored it. No she didn't get to wear it for parties but she wore it prancing around the house for bloody months. I would chill out a bit about it OP, you never know you might get a nice surprise Christmas morning!

earwicga · 22/12/2010 20:36

pommedeterre - after puberty male and female bodies have different shapes and clothes are made for those bodies. Pre-puberty the bodies are the same shape. To sum up, slightly over stupid comment there.

piprabbit · 23/12/2010 00:36

I bought cargo trousers from the boyswear section for my DD to wear to nursery.
Five years later my DS is now wearing the same trousers.

Honestly - nobody has ever confronted me about either my DD wearing boys clothes, or my DS wearing his sister's hand-me-downs. This is because not only can you not spot the difference, but there is no difference to spot.

pommedeterre · 23/12/2010 14:15

It's not just about shape though is it? Designers could make skirts and dresses to fit men and traditional style suits to fit men though couldn't they? They could make all men's clothes out of silk and satin inpink/purple/pastels and all female clothing out of wool, tweed and leather in dark colours.
These gender expectations of dress are replicated in baby clothes and sold as such. Of course you can decide that is very silly and aim for unisex baby apparel (piprabbit - lets be clear here, I'm guessing you are going for unisex ala cargo pants all the way and not sending DS to nursery in a pink dress with bows and ruffles?). By the same token, of course you can decide that gender expectations for baby's clothes is fine.
I personally love dressing like a girl and think that feminine clothes are absolutely the best thing about being female. So I want to dress my baby like that and think that any opportunity for either of us to wear something lovely that is missed by wearing by wearing something gross is a bit of a shame really. Of course DD may feel totally differently when she's older and that'd be fine too but for now I think it's a shame to dress my beautiful baby girl in grey sweatpants.
I resent the underlying tone that not bowing to gender expectations is somehow more 'enlightened'.

earwicga · 23/12/2010 15:34

You set the tone with your 'to sum up' pommedeterre.

Good luck to you and your daughter in your matching Hello Kitty tracksuits. I'm sure you both look very lovely together.

pommedeterre · 23/12/2010 15:49

EH? Where did that come from? Hello Kitty was the OP. But well done for keeping track.
I think you'll find that you set the tone with your facetious vulvas and penis comment which was meant to humiliate someone you thought was ripe for the picking.

earwicga · 23/12/2010 16:12

Um, I don't find vuvlas and penis' humiliating. There was no intent to humiliate you pommedeterre. As I already said, you set the tone. If you can't take it, don't dish it out.

earwicga · 23/12/2010 16:13

And the OP didn't say she wished to dress as a 'girl'. I imagine she dresses as a woman, as do I. Apologies if you are in fact a child.

CamillaBKM · 23/12/2010 16:38

I say do it. If she isn't going to notice then there is no harm. It saves her having wasted her money and your DD is happy too!
Camilla

pommedeterre · 23/12/2010 16:55

No, the OP likes Hello Kitty.
Your post about vulvas and penis's ON CLOTHES was meant to lord it over someone whose opinion you felt sneery about. I bit back and am enjoying the discussion. I did not say that I found vulvas and penis' humiliating. That would be odd.
Calling me a child also designed to humiliate. And, in my opinion, pathetic. You do not know me, you find my opinion silly but yet you wish to put me down. I dress as a woman and I dress my child as a baby GIRL. End of. This is the original statement (yes, set in a silly tone and situation against a quite lighthearted OP post) that you decided to take against. Fine.
Just for the record I do not like Hello Kitty and I do not like tracksuits. Not sure what in my post led you to believe that this is the case. That came from something about you.

earwicga · 23/12/2010 19:20

pommedeterre, I know this is unfair because you don't seem to have the means to understand that my comments are based on your comments. So I will make this very simple. You write:

'I personally love dressing like a girl and think that feminine clothes are absolutely the best thing about being female. So I want to dress my baby like that... '

Do you want me to explain any further, or has the penny dropped yet?