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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To open MIL's hideous presents early so I can exchange them?!

252 replies

MsKalo · 17/12/2010 08:18

MIL buys my DD the most hideous looking granny type dresses - I have opened that part of the pressie so I can take it and exhabge it for some of the nicer dresses this high street chain does - I need to do it now before they go down in price after Xmas!

I mean, it is quite obvious how I dress my DD but she still buys her the most awful dresses! Yuk?

AIBU?

OP posts:
Gotabookaboutit · 17/12/2010 09:47

I still want hair like that

kreecherlivesupstairs · 17/12/2010 09:47

Mssoul, my DD is 9.7 and has very definite ideas about what she will and won't wear.
I have asked SiL to stop knitting, but it is like a compulsion. She has no children or partner so it fills her particular nurturing hole. I have offered to buy the wool and a pattern so that DD has something she wants to wear (that doesn't smell), but SiL has declined so 'it's a lovely surprise'.

seeker · 17/12/2010 09:50

And exactly how do you explain to your child that her grandma chose a dress for her but as you don;t like it, you're going to change it? Presumably you're going to tell her to keep this a secret from her grandmother?

I have to say it was this line -"I do find it quite rude in a a way that she so blatantly buys stuff so different" - that made me cringe.

Yuck. Yuck Yuck.

Original poster
MsKalo · 17/12/2010 09:54

Perfectstorm - this goes a bit further obviously - you think I am being rude for not liking her buying things she likes but if dimwit bought you something they liked as opposed to something you liked would you not be a bit 'uh'? The dresses are really different to what I get for my girl and I always look at why kind of thing people like before I buy gifts and choose things based on their taste! She can be very dismissive and tries to impose her opinion on MY kids which I do not like at all ( do their hair like this, etc)

OP posts:
Original poster
MsKalo · 17/12/2010 09:55

Dimwit should have said someone I don't know why my phone changed it!

OP posts:
theevildead2 · 17/12/2010 09:56

Ms kalo, It just seems a rude thing to teach a child. And it will be remarked on later by that child to MIL.

perfectstorm · 17/12/2010 09:57

"Perfectstorm - this goes a bit further obviously - you think I am being rude for not liking her buying things she likes but if dimwit bought you something they liked as opposed to something you liked would you not be a bit 'uh'?"

No, not at all. IME it's common - a lot of people buy things they like personally rather than what you would. That's fine. It's the thought that counts, and to demand that people not only think of you and spend their own money, but try to get exactly what you might want - I expect that from my husband. Nobody else.

diddl · 17/12/2010 09:58

OP-it´s not about you & what you like, it´s about your daughter.

perfectstorm · 17/12/2010 09:58

Plus - she isn't buying for you. She's buying for her grandchild. They have a relationship independent of yours, and it's natural enough that she should buy something she'd like to see her in, surely? How is that rude?

PsecretSantead · 17/12/2010 09:59

IPhone? They have some really odd corrections.

I don't think it's a bad thing for a child to see that granny has different taste. Older generation often do. Maybe she is trying to vary her wardrobe a bit.

Please give us an example of what you like and what she likes!!

Original poster
MsKalo · 17/12/2010 09:59

quentin so I am awful because I don't like the fact she buys me yukky gifts? Grow up! It obviously goes far deeper and she tries to impose her ideas onto me (oh why do you have to get her such a dress, oh why do you do her hair like that)

OP posts:
seeker · 17/12/2010 09:59

It's not you she's buying for anyway, it's your dd.

perfectstorm · 17/12/2010 10:00

diddl, x-post!

mamatomany · 17/12/2010 10:02

I think you're not unreasonable but everyone said i was when i moaned my mum has bought my children clothes for a present. I think it's too personal unless you know the person's taste really well, DH wouldn't even buy me clothes.

Original poster
MsKalo · 17/12/2010 10:03

Seeker - how old are you with all this yuk yuk yuk? My DD is a baby and if I don't like the dress I am not going to dress her in it. When she is older she can decide for herself.

Perfect storm, we have different opinions on this which is fine but I am not goin to keep dresses I find hideous

  • are you a MIL?!
OP posts:
diddl · 17/12/2010 10:05

But depending on the age of the child, they haven´t got "their own taste" & any adult is buying what they would like to see them in.

I think this can be true of adults buying for adults tbh.

pagwatch · 17/12/2010 10:05

My sister buys things for my dd that I would never chose for her. But dd likes them. And I know my sister chose something she really likes and thinks my dd would like , so I am polite and accept and keep them.

I am not so hung up on image that I feel mine will be damaged by dd wearing a frumpy dress. I would be a bit worried to be honest if I would have to change something. So dd wears a dress that doesn't in my opinion look great...
Not getting it really fashion versus manners. I would go with gratitude and manners.

Original poster
MsKalo · 17/12/2010 10:05

Thank you mamatoomany - I am always careful about pressies too, I would never differ from how someone dresses their baby!

OP posts:
PsecretSantead · 17/12/2010 10:06

MrsKalo everyone has opinions on how we raise our kids. But she is your child. Why let MIL's opinions bother you? Really, I am not beong aggressive. Just think about it. Nothing can change the fact that your child is yours and that you get the final say, so why waste the energy getting annoyed at what someone else says?

Next time she sticks her oar in, smile sweetly and say 'no, I think I'll do her hair this way today' or 'I think she will be wearing this outfit'.

Thank her for the gift. Sincerely. She has spent time picking it and money buying it. And have DD wear it for mucking around in.

pagwatch · 17/12/2010 10:06

Although in fairness, if she got some polyester shit from next that would be a bit harder.
I guess we all have our limits

perfectstorm · 17/12/2010 10:06

No. I'm not. I am a mother and I have a MIL I struggle with myself - but not about this sort of thing. A gift is a kind gesture and to whine that it isn't exactly as you'd like - well, I was brought up to think that brattish.

And while my MIL drives me crazy, she is my son's grandmother and my DH's mother and those are relationships that need respecting/protecting. I just try to stay out as much as possible.

Frankly your post and your responses to people who disagree with you seem pretty damn brattish. You sound rather spoiled, tbh.

perfectstorm · 17/12/2010 10:08

I stress I see nothing wrong with changing things. It's the accusation that she is rude because she has different taste to you that I find difficult.

EricNorthpolesChristmas · 17/12/2010 10:09

I do find it quite rude in a a way that she so blatantly buys stuff so different

This line is awful taken on its own, so don't be surprised if people think you are awful because of it! I'm sure there must be more going on, nobody can be so ungrateful surely? If it's part of a pattern of disapproving of how you dress her and trying to impose her taste then maybe YANBU.

I would never throw away hand knits though! I have a friend who knits for all the DCs she knows, but her pattern is always a bit wrong, usually short jumpers with massive long arms. But they are all going in DS's 'keep' bag. It's a lovely gesture. The re-knitted charity shop things are maybe a bit yuk though.

Original poster
MsKalo · 17/12/2010 10:09

Seeker I don't care if she is buying for my baby - Igbo don't like it my baby ain't wearing it! When my DD is older she can decide for herself
MIL is a funny one, she seems to do funny things in general which is probably why I am so GRRR about this !

OP posts:
diddl · 17/12/2010 10:10

"I would never differ from how someone dresses their baby!"

Perhaps she doesn´t feel that she does, though.

If you put your daughter in dresses & MIL has bought a dress, then she´s bought appropriately.

It´s not like buying dungarees when your daughter only wears dresses.