To think SAHMs at my school don't pull their weight?

[Donningflakjacket]

Our school governing body is struggling to find someone to take over as chair, because we are all working mums or dads who find it hard to find the time to be a governor anyway, never mind the extra responsibilities of chair. There are NO SAHM on the board of governors and no SAHMs have even put themselves forward in the last 3 years - even though about 20% of the school are SAHMs.

Why are none of these people prepared to do their bit to help the school educate their child? They are more than happy to moan when the school doesn't do something well but not prepared to actually take some responsibility.

And also, if you are a SAHM don't talk to me about the pressures of work when you have no idea! And especially don't talk to me about pressure of work and then expect me to run round sorting costumes and presses for a night out.

Ok, rant over. You can throw your biscuits now.

xstitch that is a real shame and they are making a rod for their own backs. Perhaps you could get some friends to join with you and then it would not be such a clique.

Fine then, but what a shame that so few people have the will to support their DC's school!

Err clenchedbottom I tried and was knocked back.

That would be a good idea bitsy but they have voted to limit who is allowed on the committee

Clenched bottom- those of us who are not governors or on the PTA are not unsupportive of the school! We usually have too many committments as it is without making more that we probably can't keep to!

I can't believe there are so many rules on your committee. We will have anybody, the more the merrier. By the way I was a SAHM when I joined with a baby and was really welcomed.

WOHMs do it because it looks very good on the cv when you change jobs. It shows that you are not solely focused on office stuff.

I was asked as much about my volunteering as I was about my work skills. On my committee (I was chair) we all worked outside the home. Not all high powered career people - one of our committee members was a cleaner and another worked at B & Q.

My friends are Beaver leaders and it is really hard work. I would rather be on the PTA.

xstitch - that sounds horrendous - we welcome anyone prepared to be involved in any way, we honestly do.

Nesta - ok, but those of us that do help are juggling commitments like mad in order to be able to help. Of course there are perfectly good reasons why some people can't help, I do accept that, obviously - but we do have loads of people who could help but don't, and sort of mock those of us that do, and sometimes it does rankle.

"WOHMs do it because it looks very good on the cv when you change jobs. It shows that you are not solely focused on office stuff."

• yes of course you're right, it's all about me me me.......

MRsShaden - I'd have thought that'd be a draw for parents on a career break, too.

Madam - I've come across that too. And people getting peed off because toddler group is closed as the sole organiser is poorly (the one who spent years trying to get someone else to lend a hand here and there). Dreadful.

Being a Governor looks good on your CV which is why they never have a problem getting volunteers but nobody is interested in the PTA and it is really sad because we have put in lots of nice play equipment, bought whiteboards and filming equipment, laptops loads of things but some parents think the school provides them so we are doing a campaign to explain what the PTA does rather than just put on discos.

Hopefully this should generate some more interest. I would like to leave this year as my DS goes to secondary school and it would be nice to have the last two years just going to events with my DD although both kids help out as well as does my DH and he prefers to be helping than just attending.

Oh dear, I am a SAHM and do nothing for the school. I always thought I'd be the sort of parent who got involved, but then...

One of the governors harangued me for not having an Agenda for preschool meetings when I was Chairperson; I told her I was simply too exhausted (was then working parttime). When she took over from me as Chairperson she ignored my emails suggesting we meet up first. The first thing she did was insist that we didn't have an constitution so we must sign a new one immediately... at which point I pulled a copy out of the Preschool Constitution out of the folder that I had intended to hand to her, noting that our Administrator had the original. I refrained from pointing out that Preschool Constitutions do not need refreshing every 10 years (but she decided that we should all sign her new copy, anyway).

Same lady is now head of the PTA. The PTA secretary once screeched that my children were out of control (she didn't like DS's noisy scooter, I think that was the sum total of anything offensive my DC had ever done to her or her DC), and had previously snipped at me that The PTA didn't need my help... She also used to generally antagonise other Committee members when she was the Preschool Committee Secretary, especially by bitching complaining how so many capable parents didn't do anything to help!

There were other things that PTA did (different PTA people involved) that put me off over the years. I once listed all of it on MN and got told forcefully to not subject myself to the playground politics any more.

So you could say that I don't feel any offer of help from me would be appreciated or even good for my mental health. I am waiting for them all to move on before I dare get involved again.

A lot of SAHMs are exactly that because its cheaper than full time child care, or the difference between a wage and a childcare bill doesn't make it worthwhile. They are therefore daytime child carers for their own children. This does not mean they are free all day to help other people out.

For the SAHMs who no longer have preschoolers at home- its entirely their business how they spend their day.

There are a lot of martyrs on here spouting about how hard they work on the PTA and implying non helpers are lazy and don't care about their child's education. Its not helpful and just offends people who are pretty full up and busy as it is. No point applying for a post if you'll have to send apologies all the time because its logistically impossible for you to attend.

ClenchedBottom - Does the motive matter, as long as it gets done? And if you are crap at it you get voted off the committee (as happened with ours). Surely what matters is that you have people prepared to put in the graft and do a good job.

Most things are "all about me" at the end of the day. The SAHMs who don't want to volunteer. The WOHMs who do, for whatever reason.

MrsSchadenfreude - the OP says that becoming a governor to enhance your CV isn't allowed. Well, for SAHP anyway. We aren't allowed to motivated in anyway by the desire to improve our CV's by saying we are parent governors. There should be nothing in it for us, it seems, just an act of absolute altruism because we have nothing else that is worthwhile in our lives.

I'm not sure if the same rule applies to WOHP as well. You'll have to check that with her.

One of her particularly priceless gems of thought.

Niecie, it's a two way thing surely - you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. I'll put in the work of being a governor which will benefit the school and at the same time will look good on my CV.

And when I was volunteering, no-one asked me when I volunteered for the position if I was only doing it for my CV. I volunteered because the scout hut would have closed if the committee didn't have a chair, and no-one else wanted to chair it.

Have you asked every SAHM in your 20% survery why? How do you know they are 20% SAHM.

You assume they are "don't care lazy asses"

And in my school each person sorts out their own present and child costume not the PTA etc etc.

I have helped a few times but the hysteria from a few PTA members about how the Reindeer Dust was not correctly displayed correctly at the Christmas fair put me off.

I am a SAHM trying to set up a home working business but I still don't feel the need to tell the whole playground about it.

I support the school and my childs education in many ways not just in the force fed frois gras PTA kind of way. So blinkered to think if you don't do it through the PTA you must do nothing! Funny how most PTA people have the poor me chip on their shoulder aspect to it, is is a requirement?

What anyone does when they leave the school gates is no one's business.

I am a SAHM and having, previously been very involved in the running of my DCs playgroups, over a period of 4 years, to a degree that became, frankly stressful and onerous - I now won't put myself forward to be on any committees. The PTA at our school is mainly SAHMs though, just younger fresher ones than me

That said, I do help out at Christmas and Summer Fairs, and I do volunteer in the school - doing reading every day.

Have you considered that many SAHMs spend so much time round the school gate that they don't want to work there too?

MrsS - I agree entirely. If you get something out of volunteering, as well as the group you volunteered for I don't see it as anything but a positive thing - doesn't matter what you do with your day. If you volunteered only so you could put it on your CV and never turned up then that is obviously a bad thing but I have yet to meet anybody who has done that.

The OP clearly has a massive chip on her shoulder about something but her attitude would put anybody off if she were to air it in public.

well put carocaro

People who didn't turn up got hoofed off our committee. One of them was really arsey about it and gave me an earful about her precious time. I merely said that if she found later that she did have some time to spare for meetings/fundraising/getting quotes from builders/repairing toilets then we would be pleased to have her back. But we couldn't have passengers.

Niecie, isn't it nice to agree with each other on AIBU?!

Indeed MrsS - and a Happy Christmas to you!